My War On Intimacy !!! -Official Speech and Promo

Transcript to my War on Intimacy Speech

(cut out the bullshit Introductions and thanks)

Our nation is engaged in a war that is being fought on many fronts, and one of the unfortunate ramifications has been that this war has spread to all corners of the Globe. This war is going to take many turns. And the enemy must be defeated on every battlefield. A clear strategy begins with a clear understanding of the enemy we face.

The enemy is intimacy. Domestic Violence, rape, crimes against the state, plotting acts of terrorism , child abuse, watching V.I.P late at night (that show with spies and Pamela Anderson) … the one thing all these things I have listed have in common is that they occur in the intimacy of a place where hidden or not. If we wage war on Intimacy there people who commit such heinous crimes will no longer be able to hide in intimate private settings. If there is no intimate settings would Catholic Priest be able to sack tickle so many kids ? Without intimate settings where would gay men find time to be rod-ramming each other with the happy sassy gesture they are known for?

I have found and some scientific studies have shown that if you make people unavailable to themselves they will never be available to do other stuff. I take this time to repeat again: “A clear strategy begins with a clear understanding of the enemy we face.” My plan is simply to make intimacy feel awkward and uncomfortable, and then to make people feel estranged from themselves. When after doing this no such a thing like intimacy and intimate settings then I will rid most of the world of violent crimes.

Democracy means rule by the people, but for a select few people to rule other people they have to be out in the open. Let expose the citizen of the world to the light of reason, they have been hiding from the truth in their self imposed intimate settings !!!.

[APPLAUSE]