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A Week of Humorous Reflections about Relationships: Beyonce & The Concept of Independance

relationshipsLet’s get some thing straight: human beings are a social animals. There is no independence if you live in society. (Unless you’re living in a forest hunting your own food and building your own shelter out of nature abundance.)

There is no independence in a relationship. You depend on your spouse/significant other/live-in boyfriend emotionally spiritually, physically, etc and he does you. If you don’t need your husband’s money that’s great. In reality there is no greater aphrodisiac than a women who is going to buy me shit for my birthday and bullshit holidays, take me on vacation or fly me out to exotic location so I can give it up, and go halfsies on the rent or mortgage payments. I forgot my favorite: get me jewelry when anniversaries come and go.

Oh You Didn’t Know ?

Let me break it down for you.

If I depend on you for something, it is up to you to not be a dick about it. Let me give you an example. After I or any dude commits to a chick, implicit to that commitment is a promise we wont be sticking our dick in another chick without your permission or participation. He’s caught now in a trap. You can choose to with-hold  sex from your partner because:

  1. you didn’t like his attitude
  2. he called your best friend a cunt
  3. he doesn’t tell you he misses you when you corner him as he just gets home

and the list goes on ….

As a guy, I can choose to not communicate because you are draining the will to live out of me with your nagging questions, feeble attempts to change me, and turn me into a pet with your always needing to be validated bullshit.

This is what human beings do. Men are just as fucked up as women. The sooner we accept that we are all assholes the sooner our relationships can improve.

d5361f5fc7f5a7b1bcad8c1e2a80034dWhen Aristotle said Man is by nature a political being he wasn’t talking about the penis carrying card members of the world, he was talking about humanity. Sometimes ladies I am sure you can agree, your guy is a fucking douche. He doesn’t pick up after himself. He is non-communicative and he doesn’t treat you like you’re a fucking princess when you wear that Burger King crown on your head at home. Guys, from what you say at the bar, from what my guy friends tell me, it’s clear there are many times where your ladies is the biggest cunt on the planet. Right? This isn’t rocket science. Human beings are nasty to each other, ask a/an

  1. Native American
  2. Jewish person whose relatives were tortured and burned in WW@
  3. Chinese person about what the Japanese did to them
  4. Algerian how the French treated them when they wanted independence?

So with that said

I loved Destiny’s Child. I like Beyonce. She is entertaining. I learned a lot from her. First she wowed me with her “Can you pay my bills”. Then she pulled me in closer with Independent Woman. Finally she had the power to not only upgrade me but to do for me what Martin Luther king Jr did for the people. Who can forget when she told us you don’t even have to love a girl to marry her? If you just like it, put a ring on it.

All the women with self-respect I know view these songs as garbage, simple entertainment for a generation that has lost touch with reality.

Let’s Talk Independent women Shall we ?

Harriet Fucking Tubman. She was so independent, she helped a sea of people find independence. She didn’t need a song or some fucking choreographed steps to let people know that she was independent. The greatest Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi, didn’t need  a song, or her dad to make her the lead singer of a group where she wasn’t the hottest chick. She didn’t need all mammas rockin dollazs to throw theirs hands up at her. I could mention Nobel Prize Winning Marie Curie or maybe even Corazon Aquino (look her up).

Let’s Wrap it Up

download (4)Beyonce needs someone to Say her Name, which to me is incompatible with being an independent women. She also needed a Soldier  too after her stint as an independent woman, probably to pay for shit again like during the bills-bills can you pay my auto-mo-bills era. I believe her words were:

We like them boys up top from the BK
Know how to flip that money three ways 
Always riding big on the freeway 

I will let you in on a secret, people who really are whatever they profess to be don’t need to talk about it or write songs. The toughest guys aren’t the guys running around saying they are tough. You want to know a woman artist who I respect infinitely more than Beyonce? Ms Mary J Blige.

Hip-Hop diva Mary J. Blige smacked her husband for checking out a waitress  “She said, ‘You ain’t going to go Chris Brown on me, are you?

It’s A Wrap

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What’s It’s Like @32 – Men’s Health

You need a sense of humor to read this

Greys in my beard are no longer a shock, neither is taking longer to recover from colds or injuries. There will come however a change in eight years that’ll be of a different order entirely. At the conclusion of the two thousand nine hundred and twenty-one some odd days, my anus will become prized real estate for the medical profession. At 12:01 AM Aug 5th, 2022  it will become that one block in the hood where an away-team of intrepid hipsters have established a center from which to venture forth and colonize all in the name of coffee shops and eccentric fashions.

images2And colonize the doctors will. Something wrong with the ole right eye? Clearly there’s a solution to be found wrist-deep in my rectum. Knee pains ? no better ice-breaker for talking about joint health than spreading your cheeks prison shower style. The colonoscopy was only the first ring in our decent into the Inferno.

The Reality

Growing older is nothing more than accepting increasing amounts of discomfort to fool one’s self into believing that

  1. You will not only live longer but
  2. In a better shape than your corpulent High School classmates on your Facebook’s limited access profile list. You know, the ones with 2-5 horrid, isle of Dr Moreau looking children, and the cackle of  unamused looking wives capable of wielding the most exotic of sex toys, which from a distance look like props for the next tasteless Star Wars installment.

When I was younger  I lifted a lot of weights and ate whatever I wanted (when I could afford to eat). I traded in my copy of Che Guevarra’s Guerrilla Warfare, for Schwarzenegger’s Encyclopedia of Modern Body Building. That was it, that was all that being healthy encompassed for me at 22; lifting heavier weights and not getting AIDS.


bagginsWhile neither as muscular nor as lean as before, I’m happy I haven’t gotten an STD. My physique isn’t that bad. I don’t go to the Doctor’s office often mostly because I don’t like to bothered about much anything after I get home. I am content being part of the disposable section of society. Don’t believe young men are disposable? – talk to war veterans of any war (in the USA). You can find a lot of them on the streets ; well that is where they live. Ask them what it was like to fight for one’s country and then abandoned, spit on and forgotten

Here’s the script: We work to pay bills. We take on stress so that our progeny can enjoy all the thing we didn’t in a society with less civil liberties then we had. The best part is that we die early. Hopefully just early enough for the wife to find someone else and for them both to live off what I left.

In my younger days I didn’t include mental psychological and emotional well-being as part of health. It was only when I started working out alone did I notice how important it was at that time to work out with other angry young men. But those days are long gone. All my friends are being crushed under the weight of student-loan debt, and the stress of raising kids and paying mortgages. We have no time now, but in the afterlife hopefully we will.

The only pleasures left are our most primal sex eating and sleeping. The reality is that as long as we are wracked by stress we will never sleep in peace. And food either gives you cancer or makes your progeny autistic or allergic to gluten or both. That leaves only sex.

download (1)As a dude the older I get the more important my genitals becomes. What no one tells you as a child was that for your genitals to work properly, repeatably you need to be ok holistically: mentally physically and psychologically. To much stress and you’ll be half mast at best, too many extra pounds, too much cigarette smoking you will be as flaccid as soft-serve custard from the ice cream truck on an August day. There is a reason why there are all these jokes for old men about getting it up. Its to help prepare them for the slow death of a purposeless existence now that no pleasures are available. You eat pumpkin seeds because of its effect of keeping the male reproductive system healthy. Want to know how healthy you are try getting an erection and having sex with your significant other, providing they are either willing or can be guilted into it.

That’s it!

So the hope of satisfying our single primal urge keeps us from giving up completely. And that’s men’s health @32 trying to eat healthy, work out to slow down the physical ramifications of the inevitable why goading yourself forward with the carrot of sexual activity.

Side Note: Fellas I have thought of starting a blog/magazine dealing with men’s health and issues. I have a lot of info that could be useful and it will be fun I think. Tell me what you think I have the blog already and its all good to go actually. Lemme know watcha think


Dear Me || A Letter to my 65 year old Self & Truck Nuts

Ah yes!

It’s 3:09 AM and I am still awake for reasons unknown. I am going to write something unprecedented for your viewing pleasure. Have you noticed that every month or so there is somebody who write a letter to their future self or to their loved one to be read after they shuffle off their mortal coil? Those things go viral! I thought I would join the trend just to be a dick. I too want to go viral, safely without getting an STD. Every day we are given so many reasons to leave behind our pettiness and live life more fully. Yet we, myself included, spend all this time going through the motions and pretending we are better than we think we are. So with that in mind here is my letter

To My 65 Year old Self

Dear 65 years old MrMary

I cannot imagine what it feels like to overcome yet another statistic. You dodged being incarcerated, having a child out of wedlock and that dying from a serious crack addiction narrative which was part of your social contract. Now you managed to live till 65. Of course, living so long comes with a price. I’m guessing that at 65 your prostate is enlarged and to add insult to injury no chicks want to fuck a 65 year old. Correction: no hot chick wants to fuck a 65 year old living from pension check to pension check. But it’s all good though. I imagine watching porn is less of an investment. You can turn it off after the guy delivers the pizza, because that’s probably all the thrill you can take at your age:food. Food makes the pain of loss go down easier, am I right?

I’m sure your glad I am not wasting words telling you trite platitudes like everyone else does at this point in their letter. You know what I mean:

  1. Life is messy
  2. Just  because I did that girls gone wild video, I’m still a good person
  3. All the struggling was worth it,
  4. What doesn’t kill you make’s you stronger.

truck-nutz-girls-10That last one is my favorite, I always wanted to ask a soldier who survived being wounded in the genitals how he felt stronger having to stick a pair of truck nuts down his trouser to feel like a man again?

We learned long ago that life isn’t beautiful or alluring or sad or painful. Life just is. It continues on long after we’ve died. Sad, alluring, painful and happy are just terms we apply to situations that either benefit us or not. When we feel pain life is painful. When we feel happy life is happy. When we feel itchy from having a bad case of the crabs life is trying.

Right now I’m 32, and I like to think I live as free as I can. I have no box of pictures or mementos of times past. A hundred years after the last person to have seen me alive (hopefully a blond nurse that like to sponge bathe me) dies there will be no trace that I ever walked the earth. So why bother? Did I get to do all the stuff on my sarcastic bucket list? Did I finally open a jewelry store named pearl necklace? Did I get to put that All persons fictitious disclaimer sticker (All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental) in the inside cover of all the hotel bibles I stayed in? Did I ever ask an effeminate tattoo artist to draw the map of Hawaii on my chest, ya know for shits and giggles? Or how about the books store named Stacked with all the aspiring voluptuous women who make up for their illiteracy with over the top enthusiasm?

I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say. Looking at these other people’s letters to themselves there is always some sort of pep talk about working hard, and taking chances because they pay off. Only people who didn’t struggle much say that. You remember the time  there was that gun fight downstairs in the lobby and our pops only walked away with a piece of a bullet in his foot and his life. I would have loved for those people then to come in with a pep talk about life being hard and taking chances.

I wonder if I had a family. I mean that would change things. If I did you are probably reading this in a sanitized home where you will die in the care of strangers. If not you probably live in an old apartment hopefully not far from the beach where the sound of the waves lapping gentling over the sand , sounds like a second heart beat to your ears. I remember and you may too, when we were little and used to think that if we put our ear to everyone’s chest it would sound like the ocean, because it always felt so hollow and empty there?

But you know, I have nothing nice to say and I can’t keep my mouth shut.

I only hope that despite your memory fading, you remember the nights you spent up late: listening to everyone snore and sleep. You weren’t so worried about what tomorrow would bring and you were not distraught by what the past had taken from you. You just wanted to get into it already and get things over with so you can rest. I have always found it strange that for an eternity before we found ourselves here we were non existent. For an eternity after  we pass we  will be non-existent. Yet we hold onto the few scenes that comprise a human life? That like trying to prolong the feeling of a single orgasm. Well not really but imagine walking around with your face contorted like your having an orgasm all the time: when you withdrawing money from the bank, where you are Church shouting those ejaculatory  pronouncements of faith. You could never walk around a playground, everyone would think you were an undercover catholic priest.

Yea man

Don’t take any wooden nickel



“You will remember this when all else fades, this moment, here, together, by this well. There will be certain days, and certain nights, you’ll feel my presence near you, hear my voice. You’ll think you have imagined it and yet, inside you, you will catch an answering cry. On April evenings, when the rain has ceased, your heart will shake, you’ll weep for nothing, pine for what’s not there. For you, this life will never be enough, there will forever be an emptiness, where once the god was all in all in you.”
― John BanvilleThe Infinities 


ASK MRMARY || Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

You all have over the last 2 years gotten to know my sense of humor, well some aspects of it. You have also gotten to know a bit of my world view. So I figure I would answer random questions that you or others have asked me, Dave the person behind the blog known rapscallion and from this picture Conan O Brian impersonator. Enjoy


Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing

the right things?

I used to work in a garden at one point in my life and I discovered that I could just make a hole in the ground throw in some seeds dump some water on it and go. Within a few days the seeds would germinate. I then had the opportunity to watch a gardener to plant seeds. It Turns out that there is the right time of the day, the right amount of water and a host of small unknown factors to me at the time, that when taken into consideration allow the seed to grow into a strong plant. What this thought me was that it is not about doing things right or doing the right things, but being deeply in tune to and committed to what we are doing. When I am doing something, or I am driving towards a goal I inundate myself in it. I want to know all the fine details!

I find that after I lose myself in the detail things “happen”. So I am worried about 1) having an honest enough reason to something 2)Can I let go enough to let things happen. I find the less “I” am involved the better the outcome and the more what I do seems “right” to those I am working with.

I think that we tend to make a lot of decisions or even domestic policies without every at least interfacing with the people we deal with or the groups of people. Like the people who often time make pivotal decisions on foreign policy or aid to Africa or the poor never really interface with them, or have familiarized themselves beyond 2nd hand information at best about the people who will be affected by their decisions.

Just my two cents


If You would like to ask me any question just leave a comment or fill out the form below.