EPIC RANT || Chocolate Just May Save the Fucking World (Adult topics discussed)


DISCLAIMER – If jokes about Masturbation disturb you, you are either a priest and have been inside more children than the devil himself or you’re different. Sensible topic discussed below with inappropriate language.

 

I don’t mean to get off on a rant here but does the world need saving ?

The world was here before our species. If we manage to destroy ourselves, the world will continue on. That is until a few billion years from now when the Sun swells up like a 50 year old’s prostate, engulfing our planet and blocking up that cosmic drain of life that had for centuries discharged over the Earth’s face. Speaking of being cosmically backed up, the brain-trust down at NPR posted this article today: How Chocolate Might Save The Planet.

Really ? Is that the kind of thinking it takes to write at NPR? Maybe I should share my idea, how the distribution and use of Bi-racial Fleshlight just may ease racial tension in America. For those of you who don’t know a flesh light is a quality adult sex toy men on the go use. They don’t have time for trivialities like dating or bartering movies, expensive dinners and feigned interest for sex. Limited Blue color for Avatar enthusiastic aside, a flesh light is comprised of the popular fleshy feeling plastic (with 48 different texture) stuck inside the an unappealing hard exterior shell. I have a pic of a fleshlight, for the curious among you

Celebrity Sightings In London - April 28, 2013

 

Excuse the joke.

No matter how much work is done on her face, Donatella Versace’s lips are not like a fleshlight. One is a completely plastic tool used for the discreet collection of sperm and the other is a fleshlight.

But I digress.  Carlos Santana wants to save the world through MusicAdvertising Might be Able to Save the World, A skateboard can save the world, Washing your jeans less might save the world, Eating this Ice cream might help save the world, Generation Z, the same people who brought you butt chugging just may save the world (I’ve hoping they will all sterilize themselves and hasten our departure from this planet. ( BTW can someone remind Santana that people have been playing music for millennia, music can’t save shit)

With so many things around that can save the world it’s amazing that it is dying. What is interesting to me is that in none of these articles does anyone say that the planet or our world is dying. That’s how I know all these articles are crock full of shit like my 6 month old nephew’s diapers.

Wouldn’t the first step in saving the world be admitting we are actively trying to kill it with our laissez-faire attitude about human rights and the ecosystem? The second step would have to be a clear assessment of how we are killing the world/planet so we know what to stop doing? If it is any consolation there are tons of people denying climate change and global warming despite overwhelming data.

I’m so tired of reading these god awful articles. They highlight some obscure fact. Then through some labyrinthine and obtuse deduction arrive at a conclusion. This doesn’t work unless you ignore the different languages, social conventions, and even the many meaning to the word saved. Saved will mean something a lot different to a Christian than i does to a Native American or Aborigine.

I lost it when the schmuck who thinks chocolate can save the world never mentioned fair trade chocolate or some of the abuses of the industry. If chocolate is going to save the world shouldn’t our method of procurement at least not exploit people around the globe? Chocolate might save the world imagined in the writers head full of unicorns puppies an an egregious lack of STD’s.

So next time you read an article or someone tells you that something or someone can save the world, tell them to eat a bag of dicks because that will stop wars and malnutrition around the world.

End Rant


this is an actualy fleshlight

Fleshlight-300

 

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