Satire || This Super Tuesday Second Eastern European Village Enters Race to Provide Trump with new Wife


As the Super Tuesday Sun starts its descent over the horizon, people worldwide are wondering if America will complete the metamorphosis it started when the election of Barack Obama to the seat of President catalyzed an outpouring of racist, xenophobic, and ultra-conservative sentiment. After a contentious seven-year dormancy rife with ever increasing anti-immigration stances, racial tension, political deadlocks, and Caucasians feeling persecuting by protests against police brutality and other villainous social ills the surging popularity of Donald Trump paints a bleak future for the Globe.

A Donald Trump presidency in 2017 would signify the complete transformation into the openly tyrannical plutocratic cabal butterfly that America has struggled against becoming the last century outside of a few places in Latina America during the Banana Wars and the Cold War Years. For certain, many around the world are praying that the Time Travelers of the future, living in a world not completely devoid of hope, find the courage to return to our ‘time’ and end Trump’s presidency before it starts. (This assumes that in the event of a Trump Presidency, he is more dangerous to the future than Hitler, not too much of a stretch.) With that being said, a few European villages have taken a different approach.

A few months ago, the elders of one eastern European village decided that in the event of a Trump Presidency it would be best to appease the global tyrant by supplying him with a new young wife. It’s no mere coincidence that Donald’s first and third wives are Slavic women from other countries. American history is filled with immigrants willing to endure nastier and demeaning working and living conditions that Americans like Donald’s second wife Marla Maples, are unable to endure.

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The Purge Election Out in Theaters soon

According to long-time village resident ‘Dmitry’, very few have made the connection with why Trump goes for Slavic women. Dmitry who has asked that his name not be mentioned and thus ruin the chances for his cousin to be The Trump’s Next Top Trophy wife, tells me that aside from his grandfather’s account of when the Nazi first came through his country, he hasn’t seen a more celebrated fascist campaign. His conclusion is stunningly simple: Slavic women due to their history are predisposed to tolerate despotism. Thankfully, because of the Nazis, ( this is the only sentence in history that begins like this) nothing could have better prepared this village for the global ramifications of a Trump Presidency. Their plan is to appease and distract a possible president Trump until Americans wake up. I remind Dmitry that Americans wake up on average every 100 years or so. Like Odin of Norse myth, America too has a great period of moral somnolence, kind of the the Purge movies but with the lawlessness for crimes against minorities. For the record, one ‘MuricaSleep’ is equal to the time between the Emancipation Proclamation and The Ratification of the Civil Rights act. An ever-resourceful Dmitry reminds me that Serbian Nationalist haven’t had much opportunity to gun down anyone and provoke a war since the earlier part of the last century or Srebrenica depending on where you start counting from

I remind Dmitry not to descend into despair, assassination is not the way. In other words, he needs to have faith in the American people. An awkward moment ensues as he laughs thinking I am joking.


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