A Convo on Gender Roles, Dating & other stuff 1


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Finding a lady to date was and still continues to be a numbers game.The fun starts when a lady considers you attractive enough to engage you in talk. Once this happens you have a small window of time to say exactly the right thing, the right way, at the right time. Doing so in conjunction with spending money on this lady in the form of drinks or other consumables, gets you her number. After securing her digits, there are tests. Passing each successive test keeps the lady’s attention. My female friends, ex-gfs and dating experts have confirmed that:

A woman will unconsciously use a ‘shit test’ as a way of seeing if you’re a man who can handle her ‘shit’ when she can’t take it anymore. It stems from a subconscious desire to have that strong, masculine presence in her life: someone that will stand by her, accept her and keep her steady when the going gets tough..” 

As a guy you submit to the audition process because this may lead to a moment(s) of intimacy culminating in the rod-ramming sex we know and love. But by the time the cervix punching has transpired a poison has already taken hold of the relationship.

A Conservative Estimate

imagesLet say after the 4th date, about 3-4 weeks in of seeing someone steadily, consent by the lady is given for sex. (a conservative estimate). For 4 weeks the guy auditioning, investing time, energy and money to pretend this chick is inherently special. To her family and friends she’s special, but after four week you know nothing about who she is. It takes therapists, trained in getting to know and talking to people more than four session to get a feel for and develop a rapport with their clients.

We each have something that the other wants but we have to pretend that this isn’t a business transaction. 

Side Note:

The Reality of Tests

The guy works to bring down the walls barring access to her sugar-walls. The lady works to devise tests for him to prove he’s a good enough person for her to get the part he is auditioning for. A woman dating experts had this to say:

“A woman will unconsciously use a ‘shit test’ as a way of seeing if you’re a man who can handle her ‘shit’ when she can’t take it anymore. It stems from a subconscious desire to have that strong, masculine presence in her life: someone that will stand by her, accept her and keep her steady when the going gets tough..” 

The tests don’t stop. There are auditions for the steady boyfriend, live-in boyfriend, fiancee, and husband role. These tests set a precedence during the marriage: “Don’t do this  and you won’t get access to the emotional / sexual / nurturing / supportive / communicative services I provide. Dating (like marriage) is both business and pleasure with an interesting power dynamic at work centered around consent.

I read something from Psychology Today that sums what I have seen but couldn’t articulate. I want to use these quotes as an launching to talk about gender and sex roles and some anthropological stuff I have always found interesting. Your input is always much appreciated. Check it out and leave some thoughts

images (1)Socially, today’s woman is encouraged, empowered (and perhaps expected) to do it all. Social norms tell her she is expected to succeed in work, run her home, raise the perfect children, and be attractive and chipper too. It is a tall order. It is also an order that requires women to be intelligent, motivated, powerful, and in control.

Given those social instructions, women are motivated to “choose” men for how well they mesh with their life plan, goals, and ideals. Essentially then, some women choose to “attach” to men who are cooperative, agreeable, supportive, and often take their lead in areas the woman finds important. From a cultural standpoint, men who are categorized as “disagreeable,” “opinionated,” or expect women to “acquiesce” may be considered unappealing as “attachment” partners.

Unfortunately, however, many of those “culturally undesirable” male traits are similar and overlapping with the traits that are biologically “attractive.” Although not always true, often the man who is intelligent, high status, and ambitious will be unlikely to take a back seat, follow, and submit in a romantic relationship. Generally speaking, men who have “leadership characteristics” may want to lead in many situations. With those two “feelings” juxtaposed, women often find themselves unfulfilled in love. 

____________

download (3)Today, men are given confusing and contradictory advice. Socially, they are expected to be “compliant” (i.e. cooperative) partners to women. However, they are also urged by women’s sexual interest to maintain an “attractive personality” (i.e. assertive and ambitious). Unfortunately, men sometimes report that attempting to balance these notions does not result in satisfaction, happiness, or women’s appreciation and respect.

… men lament about being in a “no win situation” in modern dating. If they follow what society tells them to do, they often end up “good guys” who are taken advantage of, mistreated, and disrespected. In contrast, if they follow more “assertive” biological imperatives, they are labeled “jerks” and “players”—who may get sexual gratification, but not love or respect from what they would consider a “good woman”. Overall, they report that there is often little incentive for men to date and even less for them to consider long-term commitments.

Check out the Beginning of this Series here

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