Beginning a Convo on Gender Roles, Dating, and more Anthropology stuff


tumblr_m2n636a6Jj1qcoal9I remember going on a date one day. When I met the lady in question outside the chosen restaurant  I told her upfront: “Listen, I’m not going to spend any money on you, or incur debt to feed you tonight.” She didn’t seem to happy when I told her that I had taken 6 month vow of not paying for shit for anyone else. All in all, at least we were on equal terms she wasn’t going to put out, well that part of herself and I wasn’t going to put out my $$$.

I want to share with you my observations on dating and the power dynamic between men and women on dates, but before that I wanted to tell you about something interesting that happened in Israel not to long ago, aside from the massacre of Palestinians. Did you know that the Israeli kibbutzim are to many evidence of innate masculine and feminine characteristics ?

Gather Round for a Gender Difference Story

unit13.kibbutz.2681The Kibbutzim were were founded as farming communities in  the late nineteenth century under the influence of Marxist ideals. Men and women were viewed not only as equal, but as inherently the same. In the fields, women worked the same long hours as the men. In the kitchens, nurseries, and children’s dormitories men worked the same long hours as the women. As the years passed, however, an unexpected development occurred. Slowly the women left the fields, the traditional areas of men’s work. More and more they specialized in the work of the kitchen, nurseries, and dormitories. Gradually, the men specialised in the field work. Against the enormous pressure of kibbutz ideology most men and women sorted themselves into “traditional” gender specific roles. 

Did you know that some anthropologist believed that our gender roles gave us an evolution advantage over our Neanderthal competitors. Supposedly and the research is still out, Neanderthal men and women hunted side by side. Neanderthal women were truly equals to their male counterparts, not just in family court.

Where does that Leave us ?

horseshitSomewhere about 50,000 to a 100,000 years ago these sex based roles emerged in our species. That’s a significant amount of time  for a habit to become deeply ingrained not only in our culture but also in our behaviors. Now we come to the dating and why shit seems more difficult than it has to be. I have seen that in our culture our body, mind and psychology are out of synch with each other. What that means to me is contradictions galore.  Case and point:

Why Strong, Independent Women Just Want to Be Taken Care of (Sometimes)

independent

I would like to explore the idea that mature, confident, independent women do sometimes face the catch-22 of wanting to be strong in the world while wanting to be ‘taken care of’ — and not just sexually — in romantic relationships. That is, some women want to be completely respected for their capabilities and strength of character while also wanting to be led, supported and cared for emotionally, socially and yes, sometimes even economically when they are with a man.

Moving Forward

I see a kind of arc growing, I have been talking about marriage and human relationships. I guess now I want to continue talking about some gender differences and their consequences. I want to talk about stuff in real way, based on what I have seen, and my own experiences. Not according to a buncha fucking books, theories and self-righteous horse-shit I don’t for a second believe.  From what I gather you all seem to like me when I being sincere so let’s hit the gas and see what happens

Whaddya say

MrMary

4 thoughts on “Beginning a Convo on Gender Roles, Dating, and more Anthropology stuff

  1. From some of my posts, certain readers have gotten the idea that I hate gender roles…not so. I want to get rid of the assumption that *sex roles* are always good or should be followed to the letter (the letters usually being XX or XY, in humans case).

    By this I mean that people with penises shouldn’t be forced to do masculine things, and people with clitorises shouldn’t be forced to do feminine things. If, as the example above shows, 95% of the clitoris-owners will happily gravitate toward feminine activities and 95% of the penis-owners will happily take on masculine activities…then there is no problem. It’s only when the other 5% of each group is told that they *must* do as their like bodied companions do that I have an issue. Gender roles are fine. Sex roles are not. This goes for cis people, trans people, intersex people, or anyone else I missed.

    As for the woman in the personal story above, she seems kinda bitchy. Only a toddler would complain about not getting free food, or not respect someone else’s “vow” to not spend money on a date. I mean, it seems she took the same vow herself, so she should be cool with it, right?

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    1. I agree with you TarnsZ, I often violently react to any one telling me what I should do and what I am supposed to do. I feel you should be free to express yourself as you are sincerely. I hate coercion in any form. What I think has always been missing in a lot of debates on sex and gender roles is the history of why it came to be that way. Things of this nature do not happen over night. I think when we look at the history of certain behaviors in our culture and we compare them to other cultures we can learn a lot about ourselves. I think doing this allows us to let go of some antedilluvian idea and ways of thinking. I look froward to exploring this subject more and hearing more from other what they feel and think.

      U rock tarnsZ

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  2. I’m with you. Great topic. I live with my sister because she’s a widow and I’m a bachelor (ette-I fucking hate write ‘ette’ after anything. It implies smallness.) Anyway, we both do chores like cooking and shit, but SHE does more. She does garbage take out and outside gardening and cleaning and I go to a job and work and come home. She cleans the house and I…well, I don’t. As much. If she needs anything, she tells me and I buy it. We think of it as even but…who knows? What roles we play are the ones we have chosen individually. I hate vacuuming but I like doing dishes. She likes gardening etc…I like picking flowers. She likes baking, I like not baking. She likes to decorate the house with pillows and stuff and I don’t mind. It works for us…

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