A Week of Humorous Reflections about Relationships : The BroApp !!!


I often wish I had the power of a pretty women without having to have the operation. I could do magical things like:

  1. listen to Beyonce’s latest album and enjoy the songs,
  2. say the dumbest asinine stuff at the bar and have people pretend they’re still listening to me
  3. and most importantly, turn a common cellphone into a tools of torture.

Picture your busy at work and  at about 10:30AM a barrage of text messages come your way.

What are you doing? Where are you ? You work too much ? When are you coming home? Do you miss me ? What are  we doing this weekend  ? Oh You Had Plans with your friends ? Why do you still hand out with Tommy ?   Wouldn’t you rather stay home with me and watch some bullshit movies that you would only watch under torture ? Did you take out the garbage ? Why do you always forget to do that ? You know what else you have forgotten? 

Nagging, it’s something we have all experienced and some thing no one likes. In most cases nagging is the result of a breakdown in communications. However I have never seen my female colleagues friends have to run to their cell phone and respond to a laundry list of text messages. I also took count my superiors wife calling him 10 times on the office phone and 7 times on his cell phone put in his office drawer. It was sad to hear him apologize excessively outside our office and hear him explain that at work we do work, especially when reapplying for grants that will guarantee that we continue to get paid.

Every guy I know has experienced this once. You have plans to see friends and your ball and chain calls you up and demands that you drop everything to stay with her. She is well aware that you had plans but if you really loved her, you’d come over to her place instead.

The broApp  to the Rescue

For some bros it can be extremely tasking to adequately balance their time between their girlfriends and bro activities like lifting, video games, broing out, and chilling with the bros. This is a common bro-blem. Bros genuinely cares about their partner but for some reason sometimes accidentally forget to talk to her all day.

Luckily fellow bros share your pain and created the BroApp to bring an end to this bro-lemma.

With BroApp, you can spend as much time with the bros as you want while pre-selected thoughtful, sweet, and heart-felt text messages are sent through the app to your girlfriend during times of your choice that remind her you’re always thinking about her.

Texts include:
Hey babe, how was your day?
:x
Hey babe, what are you up to tonight?
Miss you :)
Hey babe, i’m leaving work now

If the bros who created the BroApp didn’t properly capture the way you communicate with your girlfriend (or lack there of), you have the option of customizing and adding your own messages.  

Every bro surely knows the importance of not getting caught in the act, which is why the app also has certain safeguards preventing your girlfriend from ever knowing.

You can choose which Wi-Fi networks are not bro-friendly so the app doesn’t send her an automatic text when your both on the couch at her house. Also the bros claim they have a way to disguise the BroApp on your phone so she can never detect it.

As always bros prevail for their fellow bros and the BroApp is here to help any member of the bro community who need bro-sisstance. 

Realistically

4b59915ecce0dee4bfa3f60680308695e4491ea42d23781bb3f10bd043621643I tend to hate people who use the word bro, and this whole “bro” culture. I’m more of the early 80’s Hulk Hogan Brother. But this app is as cool as it is ridiculous. It makes relationships seems like Word War 2 we have people in computer labs trying to give someone a defense against an entrench, superior emotional onslaught. In stead of code breakers we have code writers, but according to the comments sections on a lot of BroApp articles, the devastation of young men in their prime is the same.

All I can do is laugh. and call to mind T S Eliot’s poem The Hollow Men below. What do you think about the BroApp is it really that serious ? You know there will be a corresponding Sista/girlfriend/AllMySingleLadies/App ,what do you think it will do

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

governemnt_inactivity

A Satirical look at 2013′s Major Events|| The Government SHUTdown


This is as misleading as a title can be. The “Government shut down would imply that the government was open for business at some point, which according to many it hasn’t been for a while. It not just hyperbole that I am spouting take a look:

governemnt_inactivity

Of course you may say MrMary: “2014 has just started; they may rally and really get to work.” Well my dear if you believe that you might as well believe that every time a Kennedy drives an innocent women off a bridge/road/peer an Angel gets its wing.

Imagine if every year from 2003 onwards your spouse started to engage you less and less in sexual activity. By 2013, he/she is just going through the motions enough to keep you trap you in the illusion of a coming intimacy that will never be.

While statistically speaking Americans don’t mind a bad marriage or two, do we have to include the one with our elected officials into the lot of things we seek alcohol to find solace from?

The Shutdown Highlights

While the government was shut down, I began to wonder how much do we need government? Is government as indispensable as we assume it to be? How much of its importance and usefulness is actual and how much of it is a by-product of our collective social conditioning?

But aside from that looming questions. There were some highlights from the shut down, well not to me  but to some Americans and in our quest to think positively about everything we should take these into account.

Thinking Positive in 2014

Thinking Positive in 2014

# 1 – More than 2 million federal workers will see their paychecks delayed — and 800,000 of them might never get repaid

These workers were clearly not smart enough to sell their souls to corporations on the side so that whether or not they got paid they could still live the dream.

#2 – Food safety has been jeopardized. 

Survival of the fittest people ! We need to thin out  the herd of Americans plaguing North America. Why not start with the one that can die from common food allergies. If a peanut can kill you ,maybe you don’t deserve to be in the future with the rest of us.

#3 – Spaceflight has been scrubbed. 

We didn’t going out into space during the Shutdown. Why do we need to go to space anyway? I’m sure if we wanted to expose ourselves to frigid temperatures and die asphyxiated en masse, we would line-up to perform random acts of cunnilingus on Jennifer Aniston.

Enjoy

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Royalists Seize Power In Persia 1953

Iran, Chemical Warfare, and Ronald Reagan


When I was a young full of oats to sow I was told that there was one thing women could not resist, namely two facts followed by a proposition the nature and severity of the proposition depended on a gamble. The gamble was of course how open minded you supposed the woman in question  was. Let me give you an example of how it works

MrMary: It’s raining hard out, and you look like you don’t enjoy your hair getting wet ?
Lady: (smile)
MrMary: Well My umbrella can do a better job of shielding you from the rain Want to accompany me to the train station ? if seems you’re going there as well?
Lady: Sure, why not
MrMary: yeah, I can just in time your smokey eye is getting washed away

Now I am going to present you with two factual events and a crazy proposition, and let me know what you think !

Factual Event # 1

jp-gas-articleLarge-v2

Victims of what is considered the largest chemical warfare attack ever directed at civilians, by Iraq around Halabja in 1988

 

A review of thousands of declassified government documents and interviews with former policymakers shows that U.S. intelligence and logistical support played a crucial role in shoring up Iraqi defenses against the “human wave” attacks by suicidal Iranian troops. The administrations of Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush authorized the sale to Iraq of numerous items that had both military and civilian applications, including poisonous chemicals and deadly biological viruses, such as anthrax and bubonic plague .… According to former U.S. officials, the directive stated that the United States would do “whatever was necessary and legal” to prevent Iraq from losing the war with Iran …  on Nov. 1, 1983, a senior State Department official, Jonathan T. Howe, told Secretary of State George P. Shultz that intelligence reports showed that Iraqi troops were resorting to “almost daily use of CW” against the Iranians.  In 1988, Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein ordered chemical weapons attacks against Kurdish resistance forces, but the relationship with Iraq at the time was deemed too important to rupture over the matter. The United States did not even impose sanctions. Without much apparent irony, two decades later Rumsfeld and other members of the then George W. Bush administration repeatedly cited Hussein’s use of chemical weapons against own people as a justification for invading Iraq

History lesson: When the United States looked the other way on chemical weapons

Factual Event # 2

Royalists Seize Power In Persia 1953

TEHRAN, Iran — Iran’s parliament gave preliminary approval Wednesday to a bill requiring the government to sue the U.S. for its involvement in the 1953 coup that overthrew the country’s democratically elected prime minister.

In 1953 the United States played a significant role in orchestrating the overthrow of Iran’s popular Prime Minister, Mohammed Massadegh. The Eisenhower Administration believed its actions were justified for strategic reasons; but the coup was clearly a setback for Iran’s political development. And it is easy to see now why many Iranians continue to resent this intervention by America in their internal affairs. Moreover, during the next quarter century, the United States and the West gave sustained backing to the Shah’s regime. Although it did much to develop the country economically, the Shah’s government also brutally repressed political dissent.As President Clinton has said, the United States must bear its fair share of responsibility for the problems that have arisen in U.S.-Iranian relations. Even in more recent years, aspects of U.S. policy towards Iraq, during its conflict with Iran appear now to have been regrettably short-sighted, especially in light our subsequent experiences with Saddam Hussein.

Secretary of State Madeleine K. Albright
Remarks before the American-Iranian Council
March 17, 2000, Washington, D.C.
As released by the Office of the Spokesman
U.S. Department of State

Crazy Proposition

Could it be that the United States is an imperial and neo-colonistic nation that seeks to exploit world wide conflict and matters in such a way as to benefit the interest of a select few Americans ? And with that Said is it feasible that  some people do not in fact hate democracy and the value America stands for but unprovoked past aggressions.

I didnt think so
Good luck with the rain and your thin newspaper

MrMary

Some thoughts if You’re still here

Supposedly MrMary is pessimistic in his outlook on American foreign policy, and that I need to let go of the past which corresponds to 1983,1988, 2000, and the Iraq war we sort of got out from with no collateral damage or dying innocents. I am an American to the core. I am the greatest Patriot of my generation because I feel that I should be honest and accept our past for what it is as ugly as it is.

I have to say that I find  the commentary on Fox news to be a crime against honesty, and by extension the value that we are supposed to but not really represented as a Nation. This peace that aired recently on the Colbert Report wonderfully put the hypocrisy and propaganda exposed by Fox News on Display. I am brought to the words of Chomsky on the Republican Party:

… it [ Republican Party] long ago abandoned any pretence of being a normal parliamentary party. It’s in lock-step service to the very rich and the corporate sector and has a catechism that everyone has to chant in unison, kind of like the old Communist Party. The distinguished conservative commentator, one of the most respected – Norman Ornstein – describes today’s Republican Party as, in his words, “a radical insurgency – ideologically extreme, scornful of facts and compromise, dismissive of its political opposition” – a serious danger to the society, as he points out.

Great Article

 

Louis C.K. Animation Imagines God Lashing Out At Global Warming Deniers


Animator John Roney animated this segment from “Louis C.K. Live at the Beacon Theatre,” in which he imagines that God would be totally disgusted by how humans have treated the environment BTW –  This is satirical comedy  not a debate about religion ?

David Foster Wallace on Ambition


Saw This on Huffington post and had to share. These digital videos are pretty amazing

David Foster Wallace gave many interviews, but none have looked as beautiful as Blank on Blank’s animation based on the interview he gave to Leonard Lopate in 1996 on New York’s NPR station WNYC. Blank on Blank is a nonprofit whose mission is to “curate and transform journalists’ unheard interviews with icons, bringing them to life on radio, mobile apps, YouTube, and beyond.” The video was produced in collaboration with PBS Digital Studios.