A Week of Humorous Reflections about Relationships : The BroApp !!!

I often wish I had the power of a pretty women without having to have the operation. I could do magical things like:

1. listen to Beyonce’s latest album and enjoy the songs,
2. say the dumbest asinine stuff at the bar and have people pretend they’re still listening to me
3. and most importantly, turn a common cellphone into a tools of torture.

Picture your busy at work and  at about 10:30AM a barrage of text messages come your way.

What are you doing? Where are you ? You work too much ? When are you coming home? Do you miss me ? What are  we doing this weekend  ? Oh You Had Plans with your friends ? Why do you still hand out with Tommy ?   Wouldn’t you rather stay home with me and watch some bullshit movies that you would only watch under torture ? Did you take out the garbage ? Why do you always forget to do that ? You know what else you have forgotten? 

Nagging, it’s something we have all experienced and some thing no one likes. In most cases nagging is the result of a breakdown in communications. However I have never seen my female colleagues friends have to run to their cell phone and respond to a laundry list of text messages. I also took count my superiors wife calling him 10 times on the office phone and 7 times on his cell phone put in his office drawer. It was sad to hear him apologize excessively outside our office and hear him explain that at work we do work, especially when reapplying for grants that will guarantee that we continue to get paid.

Every guy I know has experienced this once. You have plans to see friends and your ball and chain calls you up and demands that you drop everything to stay with her. She is well aware that you had plans but if you really loved her, you’d come over to her place instead.

The broApp  to the Rescue

For some bros it can be extremely tasking to adequately balance their time between their girlfriends and bro activities like lifting, video games, broing out, and chilling with the bros. This is a common bro-blem. Bros genuinely cares about their partner but for some reason sometimes accidentally forget to talk to her all day.

Luckily fellow bros share your pain and created the BroApp to bring an end to this bro-lemma.

With BroApp, you can spend as much time with the bros as you want while pre-selected thoughtful, sweet, and heart-felt text messages are sent through the app to your girlfriend during times of your choice that remind her you’re always thinking about her.

Texts include:
Hey babe, how was your day?
😡
Hey babe, what are you up to tonight?
Miss you🙂
Hey babe, i’m leaving work now

If the bros who created the BroApp didn’t properly capture the way you communicate with your girlfriend (or lack there of), you have the option of customizing and adding your own messages.  

Every bro surely knows the importance of not getting caught in the act, which is why the app also has certain safeguards preventing your girlfriend from ever knowing.

You can choose which Wi-Fi networks are not bro-friendly so the app doesn’t send her an automatic text when your both on the couch at her house. Also the bros claim they have a way to disguise the BroApp on your phone so she can never detect it.

As always bros prevail for their fellow bros and the BroApp is here to help any member of the bro community who need bro-sisstance. 

Realistically

I tend to hate people who use the word bro, and this whole “bro” culture. I’m more of the early 80’s Hulk Hogan Brother. But this app is as cool as it is ridiculous. It makes relationships seems like Word War 2 we have people in computer labs trying to give someone a defense against an entrench, superior emotional onslaught. In stead of code breakers we have code writers, but according to the comments sections on a lot of BroApp articles, the devastation of young men in their prime is the same.

All I can do is laugh. and call to mind T S Eliot’s poem The Hollow Men below. What do you think about the BroApp is it really that serious ? You know there will be a corresponding Sista/girlfriend/AllMySingleLadies/App ,what do you think it will do

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

A Satirical look at 2013′s Major Events|| The Government SHUTdown

This is as misleading as a title can be. The “Government shut down would imply that the government was open for business at some point, which according to many it hasn’t been for a while. It not just hyperbole that I am spouting take a look:

Of course you may say MrMary: “2014 has just started; they may rally and really get to work.” Well my dear if you believe that you might as well believe that every time a Kennedy drives an innocent women off a bridge/road/peer an Angel gets its wing.

Imagine if every year from 2003 onwards your spouse started to engage you less and less in sexual activity. By 2013, he/she is just going through the motions enough to keep you trap you in the illusion of a coming intimacy that will never be.

While statistically speaking Americans don’t mind a bad marriage or two, do we have to include the one with our elected officials into the lot of things we seek alcohol to find solace from?

The Shutdown Highlights

While the government was shut down, I began to wonder how much do we need government? Is government as indispensable as we assume it to be? How much of its importance and usefulness is actual and how much of it is a by-product of our collective social conditioning?

But aside from that looming questions. There were some highlights from the shut down, well not to me  but to some Americans and in our quest to think positively about everything we should take these into account.

Thinking Positive in 2014

# 1 – More than 2 million federal workers will see their paychecks delayed — and 800,000 of them might never get repaid. 

These workers were clearly not smart enough to sell their souls to corporations on the side so that whether or not they got paid they could still live the dream.

#2 – Food safety has been jeopardized. 

Survival of the fittest people ! We need to thin out  the herd of Americans plaguing North America. Why not start with the one that can die from common food allergies. If a peanut can kill you ,maybe you don’t deserve to be in the future with the rest of us.

#3 – Spaceflight has been scrubbed. 

We didn’t going out into space during the Shutdown. Why do we need to go to space anyway? I’m sure if we wanted to expose ourselves to frigid temperatures and die asphyxiated en masse, we would line-up to perform random acts of cunnilingus on Jennifer Aniston.

Enjoy

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