Why so serious MrMary ?

Usually when someone asks me why so serious I answer something inappropriate like:

Yeah Me too Lil Homey

You know, your ____________ (insert noun -mom, daughter, wife, ex-gf, sister, best friend, Francine) ask me the same thing when I was climbing off of her this morning, I guess I’m getting old.

Or

I quote a line of poetry that is non-romantic and a bit disturbing like from the Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock

LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels

That really gets the basement juice (New word) flowing for the ladies. In one move you managed to show that your creepy, well read, and a dick who probably wont call the next day, (According to rabid Anti-Semite Mel Gibson that’s really what women want)

The Events of The Day

Yesterday I fell into my own trap. I posted some serious hard hitting posts, and I feel that I have to rectify my out of character seriousness.  It’s bad enough I am a scientist, graduate instructor, and professional vaginal-filler (consensually of course). So here is my corrective and way of paying homage   to Sherman Helmsley, I loved watching him when I was a young boy and actually I found the word honkey so funny I would say it often, until someone pulled me aside and told me not to say it.

The Corrective

Enjoy

The show was truly edgy for its time like all in the family it still cracks me up.

by the way

 

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SendimentandSuch – a badass Blogger I stumbled onto

I met and came across a lot of really cool  bloggers recently. I’ve been kind of busy being a boss drinking malt liquor and getting under-age girls pregnant without though of helping them later in anyway shape or form,  you know regular black people stuff according to the statistics my Irish classmate who lives on the other side of the track basis his mediocrity life on. It’s not his fault though, he is still mad I never invited him to my parole Party, there was this black chick he wanted to mug up on and well…

Sendiment_And_Such

Check this chica out what’s not to like she like the occasional dirty joke, she can recite Goethe, she is educated, likes and has tattoos, like me she is a fan of Nikki Minaj’s ass let me just quote:

There will be a LOT of naughty English words, random German words, and otherwise dirty/engaging rhetoric offered up for consumption in this small corner of the Internet.  I like to share thoughts mostly on political goodies, culture (both pop and otherwise), gay old times, literature, the irony-driven humor of life, philosophy, science, my favorite country besides my own: Deutschland, how owning a pug will make you a better human being, and other lovely side dishes that are sure to compliment any meal.

This week I learned that  she is deathly afraid of Birds and every winged creatures from this post: here.

So then….

Chocolate House is one of my many nickname, before only ex-gf could only use it but if your a nice lady who happens to read or like my blog feel free, Chocolate House loves you too Baby !!!!

She is super cool and as a result I am sending some love and Dark chocolate her way. Check out her page, show her some love, tell her MrMary sent ya

Question for my Female Readership: Why is this Bitch Trying to Kill You ?

I was walking around Manhattan yesterday, a few places actually: Alphabet City, Union Square,  Upper West Side and  I managed to hear some funny conversation but the one theme, the on thing I heard over and over again, irregardless of race, creed, age and sexual orientation was:

THIS BITCH IS TRYING TO KILL ME

It seems that there is one women who lives  to make another woman’s life hell by doing one or all of the following

1. Looks at , talks to, dreams about, has made a fictitious  character in her bullshit self published novel about, YOUR BF
2. She went for the same pair of shoes that You did at the Sneaker king on 14th and Broadway even though her fat ass feet cant fit in them and might as well wear the boxes seeing how big her fucking feet are
3. She Smile at you, but at the last second you recognised that smile was a bit snarky – that cashier at WholeFood does know who she is fucking with.
4. She is alive and breathes and that is enough for you to hate her, imagine the insolence… she pretends like she doesn’t know her breathing and staying alive is’nt killing you
5. She walked into the bar like she owns the place
6. She wore a cardigan over a bullshit outfit, and to top it off her flats clearly were a knock off of some other more popular flats that even you cant afford, but you have the decency not to wear knock off because your mom raised you right
7. She cut in front of you thought technically you left the line to check out  this pair of skinny jeans that looked good from far away but when u went up close you didn’t like the stitching or it looked off with the bedazzling round the pockets and ran back to the line …etc
8. She goes to yoga and is vegan and think she is better than everyone because her colon is cleaner
9. She eat like a trucker and stay skinny
10. She eats like a trucker and looks like it too
11. She scares the guys away whenever you go out even thought she makes you look like a 10 when your normally a 4
12. She wore the same outfit you have
13. Though it hasn’t been proven in a court of law she is a slut  and is moving in on your business

Questions for my Female Readership

While I could go on, why Should I?  Ladies is there really another lady out there ready and willing to destroy you? Is it safe to assume that you are out to destroy another lady ? I have my own theory about this, but can a lady explain why ?

From Vito’s Mouth to God’s Ear.

 

Disclaimer: The views expressed here by the character of Vito Whose name has been changed for his protection are not Necessarily those of MrMary, No offence is meant to any woman in actuality there were females in our crew. Parental and user Discretion is advised

College was a unique time for me I was partly free of the tyranny of the years before but not completely emancipated. I was horrible depressed and angry and unfortunately had a chip on my shoulder. I was always still the nice cool suave MrMary but I needed some help that I would have to wait a few years later to get to deal with things.

One of my best homies in college was this Italian dude named Vito. Aside from being really smart he had a penchant for vulgar jokes and he himself had had a wild and crazy life (he was older than me) he was a real wise guy, a funny joke guy. If you haven’t noticed  by now I love people with a sense of humour and who have had some real life experience, people who can read between the lines, hard-working good people. I dunno if it was his being Italian but he had a way with words and with women that always made me laugh and still makes me laugh till this day. I wanted to share some of the pearls of Wisdom I got from Vito. Quite often some of the things he said were from movies but his timing was always incredible. He made the quotes his own. We reconnected on Facebook recently and I live close to where he works so there will be some gallivanting and rabble-rousing any day now.

Vito On Women

Scenario 1: Two Shots

As he was older than many of us that hung out together we turned to him for advise. There was an unusually good looking chick at our university. See our university was at the time an engineering university with 80%  male students. A lot of the women were from foreign countries and as our mutual friend would say Third World Ugly. She was a 12 by university standards but prolly a 6 everywhere else in life.  She got a lot of attention from everyone, and we were joking that intention she got. I made a prediction that it would all get to her head and she would within 2 years get really really heavy and everyone would ignore her  except this one weirdo Taiwanese kid named Perry who watched porno in class. So Vito said in his Epic Wisdom:

Listen Guys – She’s not all that, and even is she wuz fuck her. Just shoot two down her throat and call it a fucking day, no more no less  no need for all this attention, aside from ya mom and/or sister all women are sluts and they know they want that shit.

Harsh words to be said in the university cafeteria, especially as the president and secretary  and other administrators where right there when Vito uttered his epic words of wisdom. There was a calm moment of an uncomfortable silence. Even the cafeteria staff were bewildered by his prosaic utterances. Then there was laughter and one of the cooks Fabio said “Aint that the truth papa!!”

Scenario 2:  Trust the Gordon’s Fisherman

Somehow as it usually does for guys the conversation drifted towards all things sexual and Vito summed up a lot of stories and experiences with this simple words

The Fisherman’s Rule: If it Smells like fish its a tasty dish, if it smell like cologne leave it alone

Not much more can be said after that.

Scenario 3: Marina the Ukranian

We were a rowdy bunch and of course there were many people who didn’t like us, one of these person was a fellow female student named Marina, I believe she was Ukrainian. Her and a certain statistic teacher were flirting a lot  ( a lot a lot)  in class and he had made some comment about his massive thighs to her in  class and from then on she became known as That “Fucking Slut” – You have to say the whole name like “A Tribe Called Quest”. One day we were walking to the computer lab she bumps into Vito knocks his shit down and does not even say sorry and Vito replies:

That fucking slut, if I had a dog with a face like that I’d shave its ass and make it walks backwards

Everything stopped, the people in the hallway, the people at near the entrance of the computer lab, even Marina. We were all aghast shocked, and wanted to break out into laughter. Ten Seconds later of course there was raucous laughter. Marina and I did become good friends, and she never spoke of her hatred of Vito but it was there.

 

More Vito Stories to Come
Stay Tuned

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library

- Jorge Luis Borges (my fav writer)

My family had little to no other family here and both my parents worked. When they couldn’t pay for any type of after-school programs I had to take my sister to the central library which was equi-distant between my elementary school and home. Where we were in Brooklyn, was close to the Prospect Park Zoo, The Botanical Gardens and the  Central public Library. Of those three places I spent an eternity at the library. I taught myself so many different things it made it hard to take school serious. I’m an awful student, in that I learn at home on my own, in my own way which means I disrupt the class when I get bored. Later one when I was learning to play guitar I discovered Frank Zappa and in someway someone else who was off and thought like I did.  So here are some Frank Zappa Quotes: