I got this comment on my post MrMary Sarcastically Responds || 21 Ways You Do Not Want To Be Proposed To from Asklotta:
Let me tell you exactly why people get married with a 50% success rate…Because no one on their death bed said, I wish I was more selfish, I wish I had more me time, I wish I didn’t have family that loved me,…AND trust me on this one, they never said I wish I didn’t love as much as I did.
This comment made me think of a quote that my grandfather was fond of saying: “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I believe that every human being has a want and need to be self-less. Every human beings wants to love someone with all their heart, and in turn feel that they are completely loved by another. I believe that with all my heart. But what I have sat up late thinking about is how we go about achieving these goals.
My opinion is that we need to look at the vehicles through which we express our love for those near to and far from our hearts. One of the things I have criticized a lot has been marriage. Marriage is one institution through which we can express our love and selflessness. Joking aside, I believe that it is a beautiful thing when it works between mature adults. The key word is mature.
When I look out at the world I fail to see mature individuals male or female. I can say at least in the USA, our society isn’t producing mature individuals. By mature here, I do not mean able to do their own laundry, balance a check book and read the Sunday New York Times. By mature I mean in the psychological sense. Have we confronted our woundedness from past hurts? Do inferiority complexes color the vision of the world around us?
Each one of us is wounded, much more so then we would like to admit. There are many tell-tale signs that we are still ruled by past hurts. Look at for example our destructive environmental policies. Let’s also add to the mix our practice of mass incarceration and surveillance as well as our international record of belligerence.
About five years ago in the Bronx, I had a Marine break down into tears while talking to me about his experiences in war,. He felt without a place in society, no one cared about him or his PTSD, who was there to help him cope ? He’s is not the only case. Almost every generation since the beginning of this country;s history has been privy to war. (WW1, WW2, Vietnam, Korea, Persian Gulf War , Iraq War, Afghanistan War, Mexican American War to name a few.) How many immigrants in this nation of immigrants came here fleeing persecution? What happens when these people lay down roots and start a family ? How stable are their families? How about the diverse demographics that live in fear of discrimination in our countries? Bottom line is that society is factory skilled in the production of maimed people. Unfortunately two maimed people put together do not equal a whole person.
I advocate cohabitation because it allows us a chance to become aware of our own woundedness. In living with MrsMary for 8 years now I have learned a lot about myself. I have had to go to therapy a few times to help me address the weight of what I carry. I think that the institution of marriage today, should take into account a few things.
- The increase rates of depression
- The ramifications on families inopportune financial times have
- The excessive amount of time spent working
- The effects the focus on the nuclear family
There is a point in every relationship where the fairy tales stops. At some point something the other person says or does holds a mirror up to your face. Maybe for the first time you really see yourself and you don’t like what you see, maybe you see yourself in a recurring awful situation. Whatever the case is, we on a whole are not ready to handle those moments. We’ve spent a life time running from ourselves and our shadow and we are left defenseless when it catches up to us.
Eh I think that’s about it
I’m done ranting and raving
Thanks to all of you for reading and leaving comments, I really appreciate your sincerity and you making me think