Satire: Dating Difficulties Abound for Local Area Feminist


PARK SLOPE, BROOKLYN – If one word local area feminist Ada Cunningham says describes her and how she’s been feeling as of late, it would be distraught.  This past Thursday night after having waved five separate men over to her table at the local watering hole and eatery to fill out her Consent to Maybe Initiate A Conversation Form (CMIC), Ada couldn’t understand why no one wanted to indulge her. I made the mistake of pointing out that the ‘In Case You Rape Me After This‘ header might turn some men off. However, what was to me baseless castigation to Ada was an unarguable fact. Noticeably louder than before Ada proceeded to enlighten me:  ‘An alarming  majority of women are raped by men they know. No woman ever thinks that their smiling back at a male exhibiting interest could be encouraging a rapist into our space. That’s a scary thought, especially seeing how every man, even those who haven’t raped yet, are rapists. Yes, all men are rapist. The one’s who haven’t done it haven’t been presented the opportunity’. Since conceiving of forms as a way to keep track of who she talks to in the event of a rape, not a single one has been filled out. Ada finds herself alone weekend after weekend and visibly distraught. Moved by the severity of her predicament, I proposed that Ada  walk to the bar with me, where I give the bartender $20 while simultaneously pointing to Ada, telling him that whatever 2 drinks she wants are on me. I instruct Ada that she must at her discretion, first go to the bar while I walk back to our table, then chose her drinks in order to finally see them made in front of her eyes. This ensures no date rape drug conveniently finds its way into her drink. To my surprise, my following to the letter, the instructions for how to make a woman feel safe when buying her a drink, Section II of her CMIC’s Supplementary Information Section, changed Ada’s demeanor. Days later she called me to tell me that she had updated that header I commented on  to “In Case You Chose To Rape Me After This”.

______________________

And if the professional rapist is to be separated from the
average dominant heterosexual (male), 
it may be mainly a quantitative difference.”
– Susan Griffin, “Rape: The All-American Crime”,
Ramparts Magazine, September 1971

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Please tell me not all Feminist are like this ?


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I know that all feminists aren’t like this lady, that is clear. However I want to send out a public service announcements to Feminists on a whole. So many dudes want to support your cause. No father wants to send his daughter out into a world where she will be treated like a piece of shit. No brother wants any harm to befall his sister or son his mother because of people’s ignorance and close-mindedness. I want you to enjoy the benefits of equal pay, because for starters you could pay for more stuff. I want you to be free to makes decisions about your vagina (especially if it may involve me in it), and not some misogynistic old white Republican dude in government living off the blood and suffering of innocents.

Please listen to my advice: “some good PR would really help  you out right now”.  There are a lot of crazy fucking clowns out there burning bridges in the name of femi. Do you know how much crazy shit I have heard coming after the phrase: ‘As a feminist, …’.  And who can forget these jewels of social commentary and observation:

  1. If women ran the world, it would be more peaceful 
  2. Women are smarter because they don’t hump everything they can 
  3. Women are more spiritually evolved than men

I’m not even talking about the seriously musky misandry that some of you saturate the air with or how almost anything seemingly masculine is criminalization. I am definitely not mentioning the self-righteous hypocritical “we stand with all women as long as they aren’t factory workers, tea leaf pickers, peasants in third world countries we don’t give a shit about or Muslim, or do not follow or believe in feminism, etc..” On a side note, it is shocking to me to see how much hate and shame feminist actually project on to other women who do not fall in line with the “feminist” ideology whatever that is

I’m not a male rights activist. I am just a cynical dude with a blog. I feel for you women, not just on a date in the dark pretending I don’t know where the popcorn is, but also for your plight for equality. I’m more than happy to support you but I am not going to protest in the streets in NYC with you, my insurance doesn’t cover the NYPD’s responses to their definitions of perceived threats.

Yup that it

Mrmary