As an unknown war rages on, a plane evacuating a group of schoolboys from Britain is shot down over a deserted tropical island. What semblance of order they establish soon disappears as they devolve into warring factions. They do not have the maturity to keep the common good and individual welfare in balance. War between the two main faction erupts: a boy dies and as the skirmish spreads so to does a fire. Soon the whole island finds itself engulfed in flames which catches the attention of a naval warship. An officer in discovering the boys shocks them back into “reality”. While they break out into tears the officer awkwardly turns away to give them a moment to pull themselves together.
Yes this is summary of William Golding’s Nobel Prize winning dystopian novel: The Lord of the Flies. But this is something much more at the same time. This story is the fun-house mirror image of our society.
Being Bossy Resurfaces
I bring up Golding’s work to address this what I read today. I have addressed it also in this post (How We Ruin Young Girls || But What if She is just bossy?)but I felt the need to talk more about it:
Sheryl Sandberg! is speaking out about the gendered nature of the word “bossy”—the way that men get to be the boss (competent, powerful, in control), while women are coded as bossy (nagging, domineering, stepping out of their place). Sandberg, along with Condoleezza Rice and Girl Scouts CEO Anna Maria Chávez, is leading a campaign to “ban bossy” and
send anyone who uses it to girl-jailencourage people to recognize that language is powerful and they should wield it accordingly.
I do not want the word banned. It would be a great disservice to language and to perpetuating something which crippling society now as we speak. When I look at the corporate world – bankers laundering drug money or CEO’s who lobby for policies which hurt their fellow citizens – I see those young boys in the lord of the flies. A boss is foremost a servant to the company and to its workers. He or She maintains the balance between individual welfare and common good. A good boss leads by example and listens.
The word boss is comparable to “dinosaur”. We have evidence that they exist but when we look around we do not see them. Today’s bosses are powerful. They are in control because they are abusive and willing to exploit workers willing to work more hours for less pay due to the current recession. Their gains are as ill-gotten now as they were 200 years ago on the plantation. What good is power if it is ill-gotten?
Quote from 11 Ways To Tell If Your Boss Is A Psychopath: ” In the aftermath of the corporate chaos that marked the last decade, this question is becoming ever more important. If recent estimates are true — that one in ten CEOs are psychopaths” The work place is ruled by cruel and abusive boys masquerading as men. There is a reason why the corporate world was referred to as an old boys club. Despite looking like adults they are narcissistic, power-hungry, manipulative, uncaring, deceitful, controling etc.
A point about Children
Banning the word bossy doesn’t address the underlying issue. The underlying issue is greater than the male vs female issue. Our society produces broken children. When broken children “grow up” and have children of their own they continue the cycles of abuse To your right are just some frightening stats on child abuse. Did you know that about 30% of child abusers will abuse their own children?. There are other more subtle points in how our society maims its children
Edmund Leach claims that the decline of the extended family has isolated the nuclear family and placed emotional demands upon it which are unbearable. The inevitable result is conflict both within the nuclear family and within societies as a whole as the nuclear family creates barriers between it and the wider society breeding suspicion, fear and social conflict.
R.D. Laing claimed that the nuclear family grievously restricts the process of self-development and “generates both an unthinking respect for authority and an us-them mentality which contributes to harmful and dangerous distinctions between Gentile and Jew and Black and White.”
David Cooper concludes that the family inhibits the development of the self and conditions its members not to accept the shared norms and values of an harmonious society but to submit to the dictates of an authoritarian, repressive capitalist one.
Whether it’s a man or woman I would like to see CEO’s work from a place of psychological maturity. Some one who is mature finds value in others, and doesn’t see them as a means to an ends. Someone who is mature does not manipulate people.
The qualities we associate with bosses are not based in the kind of maturity I am talking. I’ve been working since I was 16 and I have one awesome boss. Their gender had nothing to do with the fact that they earned my respect and I earned theirs. It’s amazing to work with a real boss. It’s life altering especially when it happens in the beginning of your career. I’d hate to see women following the same script in an attempt to prove to the close-minded among us that they are equal. I think addressing the deeper issues will be must more beneficial in the long run…
Do you get you what I’m saying?
just my $0.02
March is International Woman’s Month. I want to dedicate the last week of March on this blog to celebrating women, but here is the thing. Usually when I am celebrating women, it’s to insure that half of my stuff isn’t going to get taken away from me at some point in the future … So I am out of ideas. Rather the ideas I have aren’t applicable: washing your dishes or talking you out to listen to you tell me about the day would fail horribly. Let me know what you think I am down for most anything
I saw this image today on Facebook
And I want to ask since when does being bossy mean great leadership skills? How low is the bar for being a boss? I’m first generation here meaning I really had to study English, being bossy and being a leader are two different things. Bossy means: “fond of giving people orders; domineering. ” Of course many of us have sociopaths as bosses but can I call bullshit on this ?
I am all for encouraging young girls to explore science and engineering. I am a big supporter of women in tech and in leadership positions. Any position a woman wants to aspire to be in, I support it ( I didn’t make a joke there are you proud of me) I love it when we have diversity in management position, I think women CEO’s are just as capable as male CEO. You know what I don’t love: feeding young girls bullshit.
If you are bossy your just that. To be a great leader one has to have been a great follower at some point, bossy people do not have the humility to follow anyone. Whenever I meet a kid (under my jurisdiction) who’s bossy you know what I do? I boss them around, no please no thank you’s, no gratefulness. They hate it. Then I tell them that that is how people feel when they are dealing with bossy people. Bossy people in the work place are part of the reason it’s such a fucked up place. Being a good boss or manager requires fairness , compassion, humility, gratefulness. All these words do not go with bossy. Im not saying a boss should be a doormat, these nice qualities are temperred with strong will and resolve and all that stuff etc…
I mean look at these articles headings:
- How To Stop Being Bossy
- Be Boss without being Bossy
- How To Deal with a Bossy Co-worker
How is being bossy a fucking good thing
There are so many articles out there on how to deal with bossy co-workers or bosses who are bossy. So please let’s not make the workplaces of the future even worse by allowing a new generation of people to think that bossy and leadership qualities are synonymous. I love a women in top positions, as my ex-girlfriends can attest. I think we should support young women everywhere and make sure that there is no legislation/social practices in place to unfairly limit their ascent career-wise. But can we cut the fucking shit, it’s hard enough out there without someone feeding you bullshit.
“Do you know what people really want? Everyone, I mean. Everybody in the world is thinking: I wish there was just one other person I could really talk to, who could really understand me, who’d be kind to me. That’s what people really want, if they’re telling the truth.”
~ Doris Lessing
As I have discussed somewhere here on the blog reading is very important to me. I spent many years alone with the Alone, watching childhood with all it’s lofty preoccupations evanescence into lofty expanses of exigency – what I have come to see now as the defining feature of adulthood. And while lost in the story, I would find that emotions and deep-seated impulses I wasn’t resourceful enough articulate right there, staring me in the face. perfectly wrapped in usually the meandering diction and imagery. I was fortunate to be instructed in reading.
We all can read but how much more can we see than just words? So many of us, as Ms. Lessing has indicated above, long for that other person to talk in the ambiance of sincere understanding and kindness, yet that person doesn’t exist that person never have but that shouldn’t deter use from looking. Each conversation, and every person we can share something with brings us one step close to an asymptotic-satiety.
For me I have had some great conversations that have made all the silence and quiet desperation worthwhile. These conversations happened at random times with a variety of people. And as time goes on I am starting to feel that the people, places the conditions are starting to be irrelevant because I am hearing one conversation – one endless beckoning or an eternal gémissement as is said in French. It’s all been one conversation. But before venturing even deeper into some epistemological or philosophical inquiry about oneness, the nature of this singular conversation, etc I think it is important to take a moment to stop, admire; celebrate really the lovely people, places, and contexts from which many great and interesting conversations have emerged. I think I should be clear on one thing before I continue and that is that words are just vehicles, they are empty except for what they carry – what is really being communicated is something else I think much more subtle. Whatever that “is” makes for me the relationship between writer and reader, blogger and their audience all the more important.
To that end
So I wanted to celebrate you guys, my readers. Being that the mass-majority of my readers are women and March is International Women’s Month I figure the only way to celebrate is to collaborate on some interesting project with lady- bloggers (bloggerettes) who are
- much prettier than me
- much more popular than me
I had to search a long time to find women both prettier and popular than me, as you can tell by this picture I’m one sexy mofo. But here are the lovely specimens I will be collaborating with month for the 2013 Have you Been Experienced Blog Tour
The Effervescent Pixie Girl – At first I thought a pixie girl was a mythic being that seemed to live in the British Isle known for being benign, mischievous, short of stature and attractively childlike; fond of dancing outdoors. While she is from the British Isles and is fond of dancing outdoors she is actually a cross between the delicious wholesomeness of an apple pie, the enchantingness of the Siren of the Oddysey, mixed with a lil Punky Brewster and a brandy Alexander on a cold night right before bed.
The Alluring Ms. Fox - The original Foxy Lady She is multi-faceted extremely perceptive and articulate woman. I I love her blog. She has a beautiful family and she has her sanity intact which is an accomplishment. She is into fitness and has a delightful sense of humour. She put up a video of Muddy Waters and R Kelly and that’s awesome for me. Cant say enough nice things about the lovely Ms Fox
Becca aka The Phenom aka the Diamond Princess, Aka Big Mamma Smiles
You may know her as Becca from the 25toFly blog but I know her as Big Mamma Smiles. She is wonderfully nice in ways I could not be, not just because I have a penis which is a good thing if you are in a jam, I like those kinds of jams btw. When I take the subway I never see anyone smile, and for many years it was so difficult for me to smile. She seems to smile so effortlessly and largely. Her Blog is WordPress’s own House of the Rising son – it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy…(N’Orleans reference) I confess to spending time on her site when I should be at work pretending to be busy
Ms Tracey – aka the Beating Heart – Author of InkPaperPen –
Sincerity and innocence are her hallmark. She is a lovely person and going on her blog is like getting a free hug. She is socially conscious and her posts are endearing, thought-provoking and sincere
…… and some surprises along the way