Guy Talking is Coming to ASpoonfulofSuga

“There’s evidence that as men age—and especially
as they go from age 20 up into the 30s, 40s, 50s,
and beyond—friendships start to go away.”

After reading that I made extra effort to reinforce all my old friendships. At least once a month I meet up with my guy friends. This series is  a toned down version of those talks offered up to you my readers whatever politically correct term encapsulates your gender identity.

I cannot emphasize enough how much these conversation have helped us all. One thing which we’ve all come to agree on, is that it is very difficult time to be a man in America. We have found ourselves ill-prepared to meet many of life’s challenges especially on both an emotional as well as psychological level.

Our society is in a great period of flux and no where is that more apparent than in our romantic relationships (which coincidentally constituent the a lot of what we talk about. I have taken the following abbreviated quote from David Deida’s: The Way of The Superior Man.

Until fairly recently, modern roles for men and women were fixed and separated. Men were supposed to go out and earn money. Women were supposed to stay home and take care of the kids. Men often manipulated their women through physical and financial dominance and threat. Women often manipulated their men through emotional and sexual strokes and stabs.

Next came (and is still coming) a stage in which men and women both sought to balance their inner masculine and feminine energies toward “50/50,” becoming more like one another. This 50/50 stage is only a second and intermediate stage of growth for men and women, not an endpoint. Side effects of this trend toward sexual similarity can be seen as a major cause of today’s unhappiness in intimacy. The trend toward 50/50 has resulted in economic and social equality, but also in sexual neutrality.

In my workshops and consultations I hear independent and successful women complaining that many of today’s men have become “wimps,” too weak and ambiguous to really trust. Sensitive and affectionate men are complaining that many of today’s women have become “ballbusters,” too hardened and emotionally guarded to fully embrace.

I won’t say that these social changes are responsible for the demonization of any expression of masculinity,  increased rates of suicide  among men, higher college drop out rates, and other issues I have come across as an educator and working in a few various different industries. Rather I would like to reiterate some comments expressed by psychotherapists and those more versed in this subject

According to a New York Times article (“Need therapy? A good man is hard to find(link is external)“), men who need help are having a hard time finding male therapists to help them. Also, the article reports David Moultrop, a psychotherapist, as saying, ” that male viewpoint has been so devalued in the course of empowering little girls for the past 40 or 50 years that it is now all but lost in talk therapy.”

The conclusion I have reached after spending the last year making a concerted effort to reconnect with my friends is that we don’t have a code/philosophy/code to deal with the challenges placed on us. Furthermore this code is something we have to create for ourselves.

So about this series, I have thought about recreating the conversation we have had in all their rawness meaning dark humor, and dirty jokes include as well as non politically correct language. I have also thought about introducing some research and interesting facts in a discussion section after the conversation piece.  As I am putting together the format please feel free to makes suggestion on what you would like to see.

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