EPIC RANT || What They Did Next Will AMAZE You!

Jerry Seinfeld Did an AMA – What Happened Next Will AMAZE You!!!
A man played the piano for Elephants – What they did next will AMAZE You!!!
A Democrat and a Republican Joined a Commission to Reform Elections. What They Did Next Will AMAZE You
Kid Posts Something Stupid on Instagram. What Happened Next Will AMAZE You


What is up with this constant need to be amazed?  Are our lives so devoid of meaning, and promise that we need to be amazed by every little fucking thing?

I don’t mean to get off on a rant here but if I do what will happen next will fucking amaze you!!!! Nothing. That’s what will happen. Burger King will still try to take over spots in Crimea left by McDonald’s and James Franco will further denigrate sexuality by doing something incomprehensibly stupid like writing a screen play for a shadow puppet show were a cavalcade of cocks, incandescent bulbs and sunscreen are the major players in a world were everyone is a dick.

So much for art imitating life, huhn?

I know what you’re saying, MrMary is so pleonastically jaded that nothing can surprise him anymore. That’s definitely not true, I saw a homeless man jerking off on a moving train that was amazing. His focus, his poise, his ability to maintain an erection while being violently jostled around was impressive. Granted now we are in the midst of the 2014  NBA playoff and I see amazing ball handling skills every game, I was still impressed.

But my point, and yes there is a point why do we click on this articles that pretend to know us so well that they can promise amazement?  Why is that a selling point ? I believe this is a conspiracy -yeah I do. Follow me on this, if everything is depicted as being amazing when something legitimately amazing happens no one will be the wiser. Let me give you an example, we are so busy finding nonsense amazing that when it was reported that Three NYPD Officers Have Drunkenly Shot at People in the Last Week – the word amazing is no where to be found. There is a philosophy there: why don’t we see headlines like the following, probably because no one gives a shit:

  1. Three NYPD Officer Get Drunk:  What Happens Next Will AMAZE you
  2. 100 Girls Stolen in Nigeria: What Happens Next Will AMAZE you

The idea here is to set the bar low, like we do for college football players for reading comprehension. Getting amazed over catching a ball and running is AMAZING. Being able to read benefit from the almost instantaneous access to large volumes of knowledge not so amazing. Well those helmets make me think they had ADD or suffer from Grand mal epilepsy.

When Rumi said: Give up art and logic for amazement!” he didn’t mean to become some dim-witted vegetable just capable enough to shit into the toilet but not realize how incapable of realizing that what the hand is feeding you is horse-shit.

End rant

Another Take On things

2 thoughts on “EPIC RANT || What They Did Next Will AMAZE You!

  1. I like to ignore the media hype machine, so–amazingly enough–I don’t take teasers too seriously. But you’re right that they overuse “amazing” so much it’s starting to lose meaning. I’ve always thought of amazing as something positive, like magic shows or babies walking for the first time, so I guess it’s as good a selling point as any. I really hope they don’t start using it for serious news stories. That would make me feel like the hype machine has really gone too far. Words like “outraged” and “horrified” should be coming up a little more often than they are.


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