Saw a couple Fighting: Thoughts on Intimate Partner Violence & Women

IPV logoIntimate partner violence (IPV), defined as physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional abuse, or threat of abuse, by a current or former spouse or partner is a critical public health concern. Recent evidence has shown that IPV is not limited to adult populations. It is quite common among adolescents and young adults. Exposure to intimate partner violence is now being documented at younger and younger ages. The (CDC) have estimated that between 12% and 20%, or nearly one-fifth, of middle and high school students experience physical or psychological abuse in dating relationships.

The lady was yelling: Give me back my phone!!! and from the look on the guy’s face he probably found some incriminating text messages or photos of a dick that clearly not his. In between bouts of cursing the lady slaps him in the face a couple of times.  They get into a shoving match initiated by the lady. Then some people step in because the guy face got grave and serious, the way it did on the school yard  right before shit went down. This got me thinking.

According to a study done by Straus and Gelles in couples reporting spousal violence, 27% of the time the man struck the first blow; in 24% of cases, the woman initiated the violence. The rest of the time, the violence was mutual, with both partners brawling.  It goes without saying of course that male violence more times than not, does more damage than female violence. Women are more likely to be injured and/or hospitalized and female partners are more likely to be killed by their male partners than the reverse.

With that Said

I want to ask or talk about instigation and initiation of fights as I had had two relative with really abusive wives, I mean frying pan to the head 10 stitches  type of abuse. There was also my friend’s parents as well. I want to hear from people who know that in wanting to talk about this subject, I am not saying that domestic violence doesn’t happen and that women don’t get killed from it. Asking a fucking “why?” isn’t comparable to condone violence against innocents!

I’m trying tp understand why relationships are so violent and corrosive to general healthy psychology and growth. There are clearly religious, economic and class, gender and a host of other factors as to why we see what we do. I’m trying to get a better idea of why that’s all.


Fiebert, M. S., & Gonzalez, D. M. (1997).  Women who initiate assaults: The reasons offered for such behavior. Psychological Reports, 80, 583-590.  (A sample of 968 women, drawn primarily from college courses in the Southern California area, were surveyed regarding their initiation of physical assaults on their male partners.  29% of the women, n=285, revealed that they initiated assaults during the past five years. Women in their 20’s were more likely to aggress than women aged 30 and above.  In terms of reasons, women appear to aggress because they did not believe that their male victims would be injured or would retaliate.  Women also claimed that they assaulted their male partners because they wished to engage their attention, particularly emotionally.)

Flynn, C. P. (1990).  Relationship violence by women: issues and implications.  Family Relations, 36, 295-299.  (A review/analysis article that states, “researchers consistently have found that men and women in relationships, both marital and premarital engage in comparable amounts of violence.  Author also writes, “Violence by women in intimate relationships has received little attention from policy makers, the public, and until recently, researchers…battered men and abusive women have receive ‘selective inattention’ by both the media and researchers.”)

Dutton, D. G., Nicholls, T. L., & Spidel, A. (2005).  Female perpetrators of intimate abuse.  Journal of Offender Rehabilitation, 41, (4) 1-31.  (A review article examining issues related to female abusers.  Authors conclude, based on survey and epidemiological studies, that females are as abusive as males in intimate relationships.  They note that this is “especially so for younger cohort samples followed longitudinally.“)

    Dutton-Greene, L. B., & Straus, M. A. (2005, July).  The relationship between gender hostility and partner violence and injury.  Paper presented at the 9th International Family Violence Research Conference, Portsmouth, NH.  (Report of findings from international dating violence Study which collected data from over 11,000 <70% women> college students from 50 universities in 21 countries.  Subjects responded to the revised Conflict Tactics scale, gender hostility scales and injury scales.  Findings reveal that women perpetrated greater partner violence than men, that women were more seriously injured than men and that hostility toward the opposite sex was significantly and similarly correlated with partner violence for men and women.)


  1. I’ve been around people in volatile relationships. I don’t get it. I want peace and quiet when I come home. While there are certainly women who are the aggressors in one relationships,I would contend that they can do far less physical damage than their male counterparts. In terms of emotional damage, well,that’s a different story, isn’t it?


  2. It’s too complex an issue for me to be super articulate on. Domestic or partner violence of any sort is reprehensible, no matter who initiates it. I don’t know why there’s not more talk about men in abusive relationships, but I’ll bet it’s got something to do with stereotypes about manly men and feminine women.

    And while I might get some flack for it from other feminists, I believe that if a woman hits a man with the intention of physically harming him, he’s got the right to defend himself. But the intention has to be to hurt (like a frying pan to the head). If she slaps him in the heat of the moment, he doesn’t get the right to beat her bloody.


    • I don’t know how to touch on the subject myself, esp as a dude everything I say can be misconstrued into me supporting violence. I was reading in the past on the Rihanna case and what was said and what the police reports supposedly corroborate is that Rihanna started slapping and punching Chris Brown in the face while he was driving when she found texts from another woman on his cell phone. I don’t advocate hitting a woman but I don’t why this wasn’t mentioned much if at all by the news media outlets. If I am driving a car and hit someone, it’s manslaughter. My own life and the life of my fellow passengers are at stake if I swerve off and crash. I’m not exactly sure in that situation what would be right or wrong to do.

      Something has to be said about instigating and provoking a fight. For example a slap given in the heat of the moment is always given with the intention to hurt. I couldn’t slap a guy in the heat of the moment and say it wasn’t meant to harm him and that he has no right to beat me bloody. I say the same for a girl fight: I don’t think you could slap a girl in the heat of a moment and say it wasn’t meant to harm. I am neither saying he should nor am I advocating hitting. I am asking how do you judge what’s an appropriate response. Once you choose to engage physically you cannot dictate the severity of responce.

      Let me give you an example. I saw a couple arguing very intensely in the street. The woman got in the dudes face taunted him to hit her. She even put her hands on his head and snuffed him. He gave her a warning then she proceeded to punched him in the face. He swung back busted her lip/nose knocked her on her ass. Cops come and he is arrested. How does one judge who is more responsible, who goes to jail and who doesn’t ? The chick kept saying I didn’t think he was gonna hit me …

      I’m really confused about this subject Purpssszzzz, Im glad though that you shared your thoughts and I could share mine, Props to ya!!!


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