Meditations on Masculinity and Femininity 2 – Social Changes and Equality

Hola Ninos

I got a decent number of likes with Part 1 of this so I thought to continue. Rather than write something up, I quoted some lines from a David Deida book someone recommended me recently. Tell me what you think, What rings true for you? What does not and why ? Tell me what you think preferably as a person and not the ideologies you believe yourself to imbibe, or speak for.



Until fairly recently, modern roles for men and women were fixed and separated. Men were supposed to go out and earn money. Women were supposed to stay home and take care of the kids. Men often manipulated their women through physical and financial dominance and threat. Women often manipulated their men through emotional and sexual strokes and stabs. 

Next came (and is still coming) a stage in which men and women both sought to balance their masculine and feminine inner facets toward “fifty/fifty”, becoming more like one another. It was a good thing for men to gradually get in touch with their feminine side and women to embrace their masculine facet. They became less dependent on each other. In terms of social roles, men and women became more similar.

This was an improvement for everyone. But this is not without side effects. Indeed this trend toward sexual similarity can be seen as a major cause of today’s unhappiness in a lot of couples. The trend toward 50/50 has resulted in socio-economic equality, but also in sexual neutrality.”The bottom line of today’s newly emerging 50/50, or “second stage,” relationship is this: If men and women are clinging to a politically correct sameness even in moments of intimacy, then sexual attraction disappears. I don’t mean just the desire for intercourse, but the juice of the entire relationship begins to dry up. The love may still be strong, the friendship may still be strong, but the sexual polarity fades, unless in moments of intimacy one partner is willing to play the masculine pole and one partner is willing to play the feminine. You have to animate the masculine and feminine differences if you want to play in the field of sexual passion.

Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, if you want to experience deep spiritual and sexual fulfillment, you must know your natural sexual essence—masculine, feminine, or balanced—and live true to it.

In a well-intentioned effort to provide equal opportunity and rights for men and women, many people are inadvertently squashing their true sexual essence. They don’t have to; it’s certainly possible to provide equality while also living true to your masculine or feminine core. But most people don’t. So they suffer. 

Most people are forgetting that the sameness that works in the office does not work in intimacy for about 90% of couples: those couples composed of partners with masculine and feminine essences rather than balanced essences. If sexual passion is to flow in these polarized intimacies, masculine and feminine differences should be magnified, not diminished, in moments of intimacy. When these polarities are lessened due to family and work obligations, sexual attraction is diminished, along with spiritual depth and physical health. 

Furthermore, when you deny your true core you deny the possibility of true and real love. 

So, as a culture, we have advanced in terms of personal freedom, sexual equality, and social rights, but we have remained spiritually thwarted and afraid. For the sake of individual autonomy and social fairness, with only good intentions in mind, we have erroneously begun to deny, smooth out, and neutralize our masculine and feminine differences.  In doing so, people often end up denying their deepest core desires, which are rooted in their true sexual essence.

-David Deida


2 thoughts on “Meditations on Masculinity and Femininity 2 – Social Changes and Equality

  1. I wrote about my thoughts on a topic similar to this here;

    I do understand what this guy is saying, but I can’t relate to it on a personal level. My lover has a lot more feminine traits than I do…outside the bedroom he’s more likely to be emotional, show his feelings, be extremely extroverted, finicky about dirt, and just strikes me as being somewhat of a female mindset. I, on the other hand, do not often show how I’m feeling, try to remain diplomatic and calm, am an introvert,etc. But we often flip these roles during sex, especially if we are doing something along bdsm lines.

    I think it’s less that the bedroom needs masculine and feminine partners, and more that people need to leave the competitiveness and stereotypes of society behind when they are being intimate.


    1. Hey TarnsZilla !!!

      I like how that sounds like TarnsZ was your normal form, but TarnsZilla is your final form. Like you’re a bad ass character in an anime and this the 4 part of the 4 epic battle you have had with this one character etc

      Anyways from what I’ve read of this guys I surmise two points.

      1. It doesn’t matter if the roles of masculine and feminine are switched between partners during intimacy, but for their to be passion someone has to be the the fucker and the other the fuckee.

      2. If people let go of their social conditioning, they might find that (even if they switch roles during moments of intimacy) they would have an overall inherent predisposition towards either masculinity or femininity, in 90% of couples. The remaining 10% have a more balanced sexual core.

      From what you describe above this seems to be the case. Your guy seems feminine and you seem to be more masculine. You both seem to be true to your inherent sexual essence and there is passion and all sorts of goodness.


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