Thoughts on the Dark Side: Female Sexual Fantasies, Soap Operas & Empowering Families

You may be surprised to know that the fantasy of being ravished, being lovingly—yet forcefully—taken by her man is consistently in the top five female fantasies. In fact, it’s often the number one fantasy. What I found interesting about this is that  many of the actions involved in the fantasy of being forcefully taken under another context would correspond to rape. Furthermore I should point out that the fantasy of being ravished, of being forcibly taken is not considered as being a rape fantasy. That is something different, according to what I’ve read. 

The first thing I thought about after I read the above was Soap Operas.  In elementary school I used to wait for my parents to pick me up at the house of a family friend. She did nothing but watch soap operas while I was there. Have you notice the role that rape plays in Soap operas ? Look at this article: How the ABC Soap Opera General Hospital Romanticized Rape.


Luke and Laura. When fans recall this legendary couple they envision their spectacular summer on the run, their long awaited nuptials , and their subsequent decades of vacillating back and forth as tormented suds couples must do. What is often NOT mentioned is how their relationship began.

To cut the denouement, their relationship started out with Luke raping Laura on the discotheque floor.

Making Sense of this

There is nothing more degrading and soul crushing than rape. Yet how can we reconcile how the audience reacted to this plot twist. “The audience responded to the desperate love-sick Luke and forgave him for the unspeakable act just as Laura would.”

In feminism, rape culture is a concept that links rape and sexual violence to the culture of a society, and in which prevalent attitudes and practices normalize, excuse, tolerate, and even condone rape. I feel that rape-cultural doesn’t address the psychological complexity around rape, rape fantasies, the role domination, submission etc.

DISCLAIMER: Forcing someone to perform any act against their will is to me the greatest violation of the human spirit. It is not something I condone under any circumstance. Also I am not against feminist theories on rape culture. I feel feminist could create better policies if they included a psycho, socio, and biological dimension to their thought.


As we can gleam from mythology, embedded within our psyche is this narrative about sexual coercion. It is and has been a part of our human history. Rape in warfare dates back to the most remote Antiquity and is still around today. There were accusations in 2012 of US soldiers having raped women during our Invasion.

For me rape and ravishment are the two opposite pole on a spectrum of expression. Love and openness are the catalyst that shifts a the expression towards ravishment. Love and openness are products of psychological emotional and mental maturity, something that is in short order. The archetypes that express themselves in our psyche have two forms, an immature forms that dominate during or boy or girl stages of development.

Certain psychologists link the problems we see with men today–violence, shiftlessness, aloofness–are a result of modern men not adequately exploring or being in touch with the primal, masculine archetypes that reside within them. When there aren’t the necessary conditions for children to develop holistically, they’ll be exposed to stimuli which will shift their behaviors towards the destructive polarity.

To address rape we have to first ensure that the children we feed into the various social institutions like religious or the educational industrial complex are not coming out scarred and broken. Second we have to empower families. It is my view that we cannot empower families caught in the thick of class struggles. Look at these rape statistics, taken from reported percentages according to National Health and Social Life Survey

  • Someone with whom the respondent was in love: 46%
  • Someone that the respondent knew well: 22%
  • Acquaintance: 19%
  • Spouse: 9%
  • Stranger: 4%

If 96% of rape cases come from people the victim knew well, we have to wonder about the nature of our relationships with others. How are we relating to others?

This is what I mean that we need to take an honest look at ourselves, as species. Any policy, however well-intentioned not taking our history, biology, or the idiosyncracies of our psychology into account is bound to be ineffective. I do believe that empowering familial relationship can address the crisis of immaturity and in turn rape.

The following quotes illustrate some of the results we have reaped from just breaking up the extended family. I’m not saying that we need to rush back t extended families but we can use this idea of an extended family to restructure our communities.

Ok that’s it


Edmund Leach claims that the decline of the extended family has isolated the nuclear family and placed emotional demands upon it which are unbearable. The inevitable result is conflict both within the nuclear family and within societies as a whole as the nuclear family creates barriers between it and the wider society breeding suspicion, fear and social conflict.

R.D. Laing claimed that the nuclear family grievously restricts the process of self-development and “generates both an unthinking respect for authority and an us-them mentality which contributes to harmful and dangerous distinctions between Gentile and Jew and Black and White.”

David Cooper concludes  that the family inhibits the development of the self and conditions its members not to accept the shared norms and values of an harmonious society but to submit to the dictates of an authoritarian, repressive capitalist one.


  1. As you probably know, MrMary, I frequent a number of manosphere/men’s rights blogs. One of the subjects that comes up a lot is that of dominant vs submissive and how it relates to male/female relations. I’m egalitarian…I refuse the idea that a successful hetero relationship needs to have a man who is stereotypically masculine and a woman who is stereotypically feminine. It works for some (maybe even most), but it cannot and does not work for everyone.

    Another item that comes up a lot is the topic you cover here, that of the “rape fantasy”. Being into bdsm with my FwB as I am, and being a survivor of my stepfather’s sexual abuse, I have a strong opinion about the theory that if you have a female body you must have rape fantasies (you didn’t state this above, but others have). I’m going to say that this is untrue while acknowledging that some men and women may very well have legitimate rape fantasies.

    The important thing for people to remember is twofold:

    1. It’s a fantasy. Our brains deal with a lot of input, especially with the constant bombardment of TV, magazines, radio, newspapers, hell…even bumper stickers. It’s actually inevitable that one will encounter ideas that lodge in ones mind until they’re dealt with. Hence we have straight men who wake up wracked with fear because they had a gay dream, or women who are scared of themselves because they had a dream of forced sex. People need to realize that what happens in your head is not necessarily something you *actually want to do*.

    2. Some rape fantasies are actually that, but from what I’ve read the majority of them are really about a craving for seduction, and unabashed seduction at that. Rape is when someone uses your bod as a tool against your will and personal desire. They do not care about the pain they give or if you want what they are forcing on you. Seduction fantasies, on the other hand, often involve only the pretense of “not wanting it”. The active character actually seeks to pleasure the passive character, using soft touches, a knowledge of body language, and undeniable charisma to overcome the “resistance” of the passive. Usually this takes on the form of male dominant and female submissive, but can be reversed.

    Rape fantasies are about being taken when you truly don’t wish to be. Submission fantasies are about being taken when you want to be but are attempting to deny your feelings for the sake of some idiotic social requisite of “sexual purity” or “good girls/boys don’t do that”.


    • Hola TarnsZ,

      Thanks for leaving your comment.

      I think one of the barriers to talking about anything adult or serious is that people believe that if you day-dream about punching your boss in the head, for example, that that is the surest sign that you are going to do it. Fantasies aren’t the problem. The problem is rather how and when people choose to act them out. There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies. I’m pretty sure a 10 member gang bang fantasy isn’t as fun as the real thing. I mean the high tops with tube socks look is so done.

      When writing this I read a few different definitions for rape fantasies, submission fantasies etc. It seemed like a beehive, My main point in mentioning them was to display the existence of a polarity of behaviors. I believe Campbell said our weaknesses are our greatest strength if they are flips or their polarity is changed. For instance some one who is very stubborn, can after doing some work on themselves use that stubborn to champion causes that need some one who will not let go of the goal that kind of thing. Someone who is very judgmental about people can use that in a positive way to council people. That same razor sharp vision and be used as a vehicle to help in stead of harm. I think the same can be said for certain behaviors and the such. A rape fantasy can be had by anyone.

      I believe this comes from David Deida that 80% of men have a masculine core and 80% of women have a feminine core. There are some women with masculine cores and dudes with feminine cores and then there are those whose inner masculine and feminine are balanced. The reason I bring that up is that I feel that is no rule as to who has to dominate and who has to submit. everyone is unique and each relationship sets its own rule. Everyone is a mix and whatever in their relationship works, it works. What makes a relationship work is much more complex than just the whole domination submission dynamic. That’s to oversimplistic.

      I think I should write somethings about dreams and their interpretation, and how to work with dreams and all that but that sounds too New Age-ish like Imma sell some special rocks afterwards. Either way dreams are a unique language and the tv and all the images we get bombarded with really play and interesting role in how we perceive and interact with the world inside as well as out.

      I gotta ask you a question about BDSM one of these days.

      Anyways lots of words, hope you are well and have a nice friday



      • Hey, you probably *should* ask me that bdsm question…I’m trying to write a post about it, but need a jumping point. It’d actually help me out if you did! 😉

        Yeah, I agree with the idea that people’s cores aren’t always in sync (obviously). It’s something that major philosophers and psychologists have knocked around for a long time…are men always men, are women always women? Apparently not.

        I sometimes struggle with writing about my faith in the same way you mention here. So many people think Wicca (or Paganism in general) is a hippie, feel-good, do whatever you want, no rules-just fun religion. They also confuse it with New Age crap all the frickin time…I for one don’t think that my belief in the Lady and Lord should be spoken of in the same breath as tarot cards, crystal “powers”, or the idea that severely diluted water can cure cancer. It’s horrible and only serves to degrade a faith based on the majesty of the natural world and all it contains. I hope you find a way to write about dreams that doesn’t come off as being hippie-ish. 🙂


      • TarnsZ,

        I know nothing about Wicca. I’d be more than happy to do a Q and A with you here about it or BDSM or give you the gift of a buncha guest posts. I never talk about my faith or rather what i put my faith in. I share my ideas and thought process but I don’t share “me”, or I try to share as little as I can. Its like getting the sun’s rays but not the sun. I have always envied you that you can share as much of your self as you do. With that said feel free anytime you want to take up that guest post offer.


      • Hmm, I’ve never really done a Q & A before. That sounds like a great idea. How would we go about doing it?

        Paganism in general consists of many sects, the same way most faiths do. Wicca is the most well known, but Shamanism, Druidism, Panatheism, Dianic, Voudon, Santeria, Asatru, and so on.

        Lol, the only reason I try to share as much as I do is because I’m safe behind a username and avatar. If it was impossible to be at least pseudo-anonymous, I wouldn’t write even a quarter of what I do.


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