MrMary Reminisces on Dating || So is it true what they Say about lack Men?


My Dating Experiences

When it comes to dating there are generally two main approaches that guys take. The first approach is to focus on the numbers. The more women you ask out, the higher your chances of landing something if you are not completely unattractive and have someone to offer more than cheap one liners. The other approach is a bit more selective in that you seek quality. You invest time in getting to know someone, before the consensual cervix punching ensues. it without saying that depending on the availability of women in the area sometimes a hybrid systems is  employed.

The Reality

As many of you may have guessed I went for quality.  It was only after some time of doing this did I realized that it’s the rarity of something that makes it valuable. It’s not that I was striking out, it’s that major league baseball was on Strike. There were many things I noticed first that this graph is true to the nth degree.

10003054_637729699627657_24105343_nThis picture comes from an article written by a Ms Jenny Davis, Assistant Professor of Sociology, James Madison University. Basically Quartz, a business and marketing website, recently released data on the Facebook dating app Are You Interested (AYI), which connects singles within the confines of their direct and indirect Facebook networks.

I didn’t need a study to tell you the results: all men except Asians preferred Asian women, while all except black women preferred white men. And both black men and black women got the lowest response rates for their respective genders.

Ms Davis had this to say: “Social psychologists know that what people say and what they do have little empirical connection. Dating sites capture what we do, and play it back for us. They expose who we are, who we want, and of course, who we don’t want. As shown by Quartz, “we” fetishize Asian women while devaluing blacks.

Clearly she is wrong. We live in a contemporary color-blind post-racial society. We fetishize Asians of course but we devalue and fetishize blacks as well. We get the best of both worlds and this is the topic of today’s post.

Is it true about Black Guys and their …

0ce9a8cca57c1d6c111eed8c9f66ee755f8d0f92c719b885222204d01f779230If you are thinking bad credit, no – it’s the other stereotype. I was seeing some chick from upstate NY that told me that being with a black guy was like dating a foreigner. I was exotic. I cannot tell you how many times over the years my ability to bruise a cervix from  an arm’s length away has come up.

It has come to my attention that having sex with a black guy is on a few women’s bucket list. Let me be more specific having discrete sex with a black guy is on a lot of non-black women’s bucket list.  Don’t believe me? Please check out the “I Want to Be Fucked by a Black Guy” thread on the Experience Project [Experience Project is a destination for people to share life stories, ask questions, and connect with others around what matters to them most.] I don’t mind that at all. I mean being an object for someone’s sexual gratification is better than being shot to death by the cops or tortured killed and mutilated in Texas right?

A Long History

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The brute caricature portrays black men as innately savage, animalistic, destructive, and criminal — deserving punishment, maybe death. This brute is a fiend, a sociopath, an anti-social menace. Black brutes are depicted as hideous, terrifying predators who target helpless victims, especially white women. George T. Winston (1901), another “Negrophobic” writer, claimed:When a knock is heard at the door [a White woman] shudders with nameless horror. The black brute is lurking in the dark, a monstrous beast, crazed with lust. His ferocity is almost demoniacal. A mad bull or tiger could scarcely be more brutal. A whole community is frenzied with horror, with the blind and furious rage for vengeance.(pp. 108-109)

I bring this up because

I read this awesome piece on Advocate.com : How the Mythical Big Black Man Killed Romance Abroad. The author said something that brought to some of the things some drunk women have told me at parties or bars, or from women I was seeing: “My biggest frustration with being a gay black man from the U.S. living in South America, Australia, and Southeast Asia — all places where black is a rarity, not just a minority — was that from the moment many people saw me, they dragged out those ancient stereotypes about black men, sizing me up the way I assumed they did all the others who seldom crossed their paths. Everyone wanted to know one thing: “Is it true what they say about black men?”  Sex for the first time with anyone began to feel like an audition. Size mattered more than ever when you were black in Bangkok, Melbourne, and Buenos Aires (especially Buenos Aires!), all cities that I called home at various points after I left New York City in 2006. Either you fulfilled the fantasy about the big black man (the one immortalized and objectified in Robert Mapplethorpe’s 1980 black-and-white photo “Man in a Polyester Suit”), or you probably wouldn’t get a call back. It was such a deflating process that I frequently found myself second-guessing my sex appeal. Did I measure up?

So truth be told, this stupid fucking question came up every time even when I was hanging out in Bangalore in 1996. I always gave of course legendary replies. But its interesting in retrospect how stereotypes still endure through time and how they show up in many different contexts.

Think that’s it

MrMary

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