Thinking Deep Thoughts || Longing & Woundedness


I’m going to hit you with a brash statement: “each of us at the core of our being has this intense longing.” While it’s not possible; we attempt to extirpate it with larger salaries, better sex, faster cars, getting married, or going to church. But, after we get acclimated to the new lover in our bed, or the new car in our garage, has anything changed?

My life’s plan has always been to live my passions from within that pocket of longing. Aside from food, water, shelter, and voluptuous brunettes, there isn’t much that entices me.

“Longing is the core of mystery.
Longing itself brings the cure.
The only rule is, Suffer the pain.

Your desire must be disciplined,
and what you want to happen
in time, sacrificed.”

longing_by_scheinbar-d5qhcp4This Longing isn’t the pining for the house special at your local Asian massage parlor or that guy in the corner cubicle you day-dream about.

We find ourselves alive on this planet without memory of having asked to be. As a result, we are on a constant search for meaning hoping to address the glaring separation our origin. While we will continue to examine life and derive new philosophies, it’s clear that the range of our experiences won’t fit into the narrow confines of logic and reason.

Philosophies will continue falling short, but we can share. We can share our thoughts, experiences, and observations. This blog is and has always been a means to share.

I was thinking about this the other day. There were 1335 moments in my life, where the most important thing I could do was to sit down at a computer and share something with you. I have no idea who any of you are, what you look like or do and for the most part where in the world you come from. Not counting the 145 drafts and the deleted posts if each post has taken me an hour that 1335 hours or 55 days of my life I have freely given to you. That’s redemptive and promising in some way.

So let’s keep it going? Here are some observations gleaned from the point of view of trying to stay within the confines of that Longing.

Observations

We are much more wounded that we let ourselves believe, and as a result we continue running away from our past hurts. Our wounds are like cracks in an old wall that let the light into a place that was once under the sovereignty of shadows. But we do not view it that way.We like to surround ourselves with the illusion of well-being. This means that many people we call friends, or that we keep around are their for our vanity and self-delusion. After some time it’s difficult to differentiate attachment and dependency from an honest feeling of love, friendship or fraternity which is a shame.

album_large_3721023What this also means is that the destruction we see throughout the planet is a mirror of the destruction in our collective lives. The people who continue to destroy nature with their economic policies, or seek to deny education to the poor – these people act from a place of woundedness. Can a belligerent nation not be constituted of belligerent citizens? If you look hard enough you can see our belligerence towards each other. The high divorce, incarceration , and civil rights abuse statistics are very telling.

The more I try not to go after this and that, or I try to  full the emptiness sometimes with materials the more I notice  my own belligerence and my own woundedness. It’s very difficult thing to do, and the few times I’ve been able to do it, it was painful but worth it.

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