DISCLAIMER: THIS IS INTENDED TO BE A COMEDIC SORT OF PIECE. IF YOU FEEL THAT I AM ATTACKING A HOLY SACROSANCT INSTITUTION YOU CAN
Again, would you want to fly on an airplane that had a 50% chance of failing? Would you want to enroll your child in an elementary school where only 50% of the children graduate?
This is how I see marriage as it is practiced today: a vehicle that is 50% likely to fail while in use. I am a big fan of a long period of co-habitation first before marriage. After being together for a while, maybe have a kid, if I don’t hate her fucking guts marriage would seem to make sense. I have no care for social conventions.
What does loving someone have to do with their or my family to celebrate our union? In truth it is not really a union. Both of us are mysteries on to ourselves. I am still discovering myself in my 30’s. If after 32 years of knowing myself I am still a mystery to myself how can there be any kind of union with someone else who is basically a stranger to me and themselves? Yes of course we have shared memories, bills and responsibilities, but is that what it takes for a “union” nowadays?
Why Proposals suck
Love ultimately is different from business. Historically marriage is a business! Don’t believe me ?
Why do you need a license to marry someone, why do you need to have the government recognize your partnership? Why do you need witnesses, and why should my significant other be entitled to 50% of everything I’ve worked for? That last bit sounds like asset acquisition (business) to me. I don’t need a license to love someone.
A proposal is supposed to be both
- a declaration of love and
- The initiation of the marriage contract
Personally I think marriage proposals exist solely for the woman. What is so special about anyone that I should go down on my knee and propose to them the idea that it be a good idea to spend the rest of their lives with me ? Think of it like this, when I enter Church, I do not genuflect before the cross or before some anthropomorphized version of God, or whatever. But I am supposed to genuflect before my tormentor and ask that they say yes to a life centered around my own personal abuse.
Ok let me explain
I’ve talked to many dudes and none has ever mentioned purposely wanting to get married or propose to their wives. Let me give you the top reasons why men get married:
- It felt that it was the right thing to do ||
- I felt it was really important to my wife
- She was pregnant || I needed a green card
No guy has ever told me that they dream about getting married their whole life. Despite this and its amazing failure rate some are still willing to sign away their freedom. But it’s not enough it seems, to willingly sacrifice your person-hood. According to Buzzfeed there are 21 ways, women do not want to be proposed to.
- With a flash mob.
- When you’re not looking your best.
- As part of a fake arrest.
- In skywriting.
- On Valentine’s Day.
- On any holiday, basically.
- At your workplace.
- On your birthday.
- At a sporting event.
- In front of your partner’s family.
- By finding a ring hidden in your food.
- At Disneyland.
- At a restaurant.
- Immediately after a positive pregnancy test.
- When you’re proposing.
- On stage at a concert.
- At the mall.
- On social media.
- On a whim.
- After a night of drinking.
- Somewhere dangerous.
When I read this, I was blown away by the ingratitude. Do people not realize the arrogance behind such an article? Is it not enough that actually someone wants you, around? If I wrote an article 21 Ways Women shouldn’t approach Men to place a request for sex, the internet would have my head.
What do you think ladies about proposals are you for or against them and what purpose do they serve ?