No Need to Satirize Much || Pastor Bans Women From Wearing Any Underwear in Church

rihctblxdihvdufd0wgmReverend Njohi said women who attend his services at the Lord’s Propeller Redemption Church in Nairobi are forbidden from wearing bras and underwear. Njohi said when going to church, people need to be “free in body and spirit” so they can receive Christ.

In what is turning out to be a major policy change geared both coming to terms with the changing times and repairing the image of Christians, pastors and minister will attempt to sodomize and sexually abuse women of age. In further support of this, is the fact that men do not have to free-ball in Church. No longer will you have to teach your children alternate ways of escaping the vestry with their dignity, and anuses intact. Instead you will have to teach you female child to put razor blades in her vagina like the Vietnamese prostitute did in Nam.

The pastor added there would be grave consequences if his female members did not adhere to the new rule, which was reportedly adhered to as most women are said to have attended the next service with no underwear.

MrMary Weighs In

It is clear that there is at the heart of this matter a big misunderstanding. The Sodomy scandals that rocked the Catholic Church are a perfect example. The priests there clearly didn’t understand what the line from Matthew 19:14 meant: “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me”. In this case the misunderstanding a little more subtle. Generally when a woman, in the heat of climax shouts: “Oh God Oh God” it’s not because she is feeling Jesus.

Don’t believe me ? – Just ask around or do some research as I have done  and (consensually, this is key) bed an atheist women. Her testimonies to God are more like a codified demand to be plunged deeper and deeper into some existential satori, where all forms of creation and demands dissolve away into no-thing-ness.

I am not a religious man and I don’t understand what an uncovered vagina has to do with Christ but, I can clearly see this pastor banning women from coming to church one Sunday a month because if I know anything about pastors it’s that they are cheap and won’t install the tampon dispensary in the lady’s room no matter how many times it comes up in church meeting after Bible study.

“Gott ist tot” 


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