My Take on Why is it So Hard to talk about Sex ?

I was reading a post on the blog on the honourable Lady J’s blog where she asked: “Why is it hard to talk about sex?”  I was thinking about this on the ride home and I came to two conclusions. I would like to hear your opinion on why it is such a taboo issue. Here are my two reasons:

  1. For a few centuries Sex was use by religious authorities as a means to coerce the masses into acting in ways that stripped them of their individuality and power over themselves while empowering these authorities to further assert themselves in their lives
  2. We think because of technology we are not animals, but we are the worse kind of animal.

cancelThe early Christian communities were founded in the ambiance that the end of the world was immanent. Sex was only a means of procreation and not something you should do for fun. Celibacy and virginity were highly praised. In my opinion we haven’t fully freed ourselves from this life-denying ideology. It logically follows that those who espouse thing kind of thinking would be down for the oppression of women and the later suppression of their voices and opinions in the social sphere. The extent to which we have freed ourselves from this mindset can be gauge by the extent to which woman are legally economically and financially emancipated. Secondly this belief that we are some sorta of advance species, that our technologically saturated plutocratic society has severed our connection to Nature. The ecological crisis is a ramification of our irresponsible, self-loathing pursuit of happiness at the expense of our fellow human being and the substratum  that allow existence to continue onwards.

So where that leave us

Both these two ideas share an interesting history, but that’s for another day. How do we move forward? How do you liberate yourself from faulty programming that has been a long-standing part of your sociological history ? My thoughts are that solutions are to be found on a person by person basis. But what we can do is reclaim some words from the lexicon of public shaming, and worry about ourselves. But before that here are two observations of mines that you may find germane to this discussion.


First off: Mind your own fucking business. Concern yourself with yourself. If you are a Christian for example, and someone else’s sex life doesn’t match with your ideology fuck off. No one has to live by your rules and standards. The same goes for anyone who defines themselves by an ideology.

Subtle Pro -Tip

You meet someone and you two get to talking and they describe themselves by proper or compound nouns I am Christian, I am a Muslim, I am a post-structuralist feminist, I am Male-rights activist, etc run. I feel that the more open-minded and free thinking someone is the less likely they will try to in talking cram the totality of who they are into some bullshit label. Just my fucking observation

Secondly: if you are easily offended you shouldn’t involve yourself with anything where other people are going to try to be open and share what’s on their mind. Stay the fuck home! I have found that people without a sense of humour are usually easily offended. I think that you need a sense of humour to navigate through the slings and arrows of life.

Classic Examples of how I’ve Broached the topic of Sex

Scenario #1:

Friend of a friend: MrMary, What do you feel about reproductive rights ?
MrMary: You mean Women’s Reproductive Rights ?
Friend of  friend: Yes…
Mrmary: I respect the hell out of them. I respect them so much I ask for anal on the first date. It saves money cuz condoms are expensive and it’s not like The AIDS likes to hang out in people’s asses, well unless you’re a trucker? Am I right ?

What worked with that: Laughter. Laughter is the lube of serious conversations, it allows you to go  deeper into the topic quicker than if things started out as a debate.

Scenario #2:

Out with my best friends, and our significant others

Best friend #1: Dude wtf is up with your haircut?
MrMary: Seriously … Thought you were a man
Best Friend # 2: Whaddya mean ?
MrMary ( to Best Friend  #2 girlfriend): What’s the gauge on the strap on you use.
Best Friend #2: Gauge?
MrMary: yeah Gauge – you know how like a tire gauge measures lbs per square inch? This is like centimetres of stretch  per inch applied …
#2 Girlfriend: uhm …. don’t be shy, you clearly aren’t with him. I mean  why else would he get that hair cut

What worked with this ? I used a bad haircut as a segway to a much more serious and comedically rich topic. That’s creativity and charm at work

Scenario #3:

On a date. Keep in mind I had been making her laugh for a while and before ventured into this material

Single Moms are hot…
Why well because separation makes the heart fonder
Fonder of what ?
Getting laid … It’s clear from how your eating that’s its been awhile
lol, ok I’ll so
You’ve eaten everything on your plate but you’ve left the meat , of course to savour it
(laughing) Are you on something?
Your pretty and indulging me, that’s enough reason for a high
Really ?
All we have left to do is talk about sex and then with the edge off we can just have some fun chill, maybe even do something crazy like eat ice-cream and not that fat-free sugar free bullshit

I don’t know why this worked, it just did. I went in hard, on the topic and it paid off  we had a great night had some Haagen Daaz

And there it is !

Sit back relax and let yourself go
Don’t sweat what you heard, but act like you know


  1. I actually don’t find it difficult to talk about sex at all (though the topics you mentioned above are definitely valid for most people). In fact, I have in my drafts a post about how awesome male genitals are and a series of posts about masturbation, sex toys, virginity, and eventually one about involuntary celibacy.

    I’ll give you a heads up when they’re done. 😉


      • Thank you, kind sir!

        The upcoming post, “In Praise of the Penis” should be right up your alley…in a manner of speaking. 😉 It’s the flipside of my early post “Happy International Clitoris Week”. Men don’t have a day/week for their genitals, so I at least wanted to do *something*.


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