A Week of Humorous Reflections about Relationships: Day 1

Last Saturday night my two best friends and I accompanied by our ladies went to see a movie. Afterwards over dinner we got to talking. This August, one of my friends and his fiancée will move in together. I dropped down some advice  for him that I thought  after 7 years living with MrsMary would save them from committing seppuku or killing each other

A Lie We’ve all Been Fed

sheepliesThe saying is happy wife, happy life: the happier you keep your wife, the happier you will be. Let’s think about that  shall we?  This means that once you are in a husband -wife relationship, as a husband your happiness is not dependant upon you! The saying doesn’t go “having a happy wife will provide you the ambiance where you can better figure out how to achieve what you need to for fulfilment and happiness”. It doesn’t even say having a happy wife is one facet of happiness.

Furthermore if I were to follow the logic of female relationship experts and some feminists, this is quote is chauvinistic and oppressive because ‘a person’s happiness depends only on them.’ As one lady put it: “Therefore it’s up to the women to determine their happiness since it comes from within despite of the loving men in their lives.

We have been fed a lie

A Little experiment

Look at this article: 20 Ways to Make Your Wife Happy. If you type into google: “How to make your wife happy?” it’s the first to come up. What I am going to do is share an excerpt. However I have taken the liberty of substituting Das Führer for the word ‘wife’ to make a point

  • Compliment  Das Führer. Don’t be fake about it, be sincere. If Das Führer goes shopping, ask to see what he bought for himself. Your interest in his shopping purchases shows that you like that he dresses nice for you.

  • If Das Führer has a car, service it for him by taking it to the garage for a scheduled tune-up and oil change.

  • Let Das Führer decide what to watch on TV. Watch whatever He wants to watch, and be interested in the program.

  • Let Das Führer  pick out your clothes and shoes. You will look better, and He will like the way you look too.

  • Don’t be stingy. Spoil Das Führer in anyway you can. Small things can add up, and this can help if He is stuck paying for everything. He can put his money in the bank to save, instead of spending it on things you should pay for.

  • Don’t waste money. This might mean you have to cut back on things you really don’t need, like going out to a bar and buying too many drinks for yourself. Cut back on your consumption of beer, cigarettes, gas, ordering food in a restaurant, coffee house coffee, and whatever else you waste money on.

  • Remember that Das Führer is a person, not your servant. He has an opinion, and He would like you to hear it. Be understanding when you listen to him, and do not interrupt him when He is talking to you.

Nien Nien Nien

This doesn’t work if we (my wife and I are equals). If we are completely equal, why is she denying or controlling my self-expression i.e picking out my clothes, deciding what I should watch, what I should waste money on (especially when 20 pairs of shoes aren’t considered excessive at all). By the way, isn’t the whole points of compliments, that they are earned? I have my errands she has hers. If she is wearing her big girl pants I shouldn’t have to do get her car serviced or all that shit. And while I am on the topic compliments are earned.  BTW, very rarely do women buy dresses for their husbands. According to the women I’ve talked to most of the times your purchases are inspired by the want and pleasure of looking cute and feeling good about yourself. It’s one of the steps of find your inner goddess.

This is why Your guy is that way at home

1969227_249089761940489_1523454453_nThe bottom-line is that for many husbands or guys in long-term relationship, being with you the lady is a job for which there are no sick days or vacations. I can explain a majority of issues couples have with just this.

Look at it this way: there are 168 hours in a week, 40 hours spent at work, 2 hours a day (5 days a week) commuting, 8 hours asleep a day leaving  hours left. This is already 108 hours 64-65% of the week. (I didn’t count showering, shopping for groceries, brushing teeth, punishing the toilet bowl, this is also not counting kids.) So with that 35-15% left of your week, you’re supposed to dictate yourself to the needs of a despot who needs to be fed unearned compliments ? Basically when you commit you become your wife’s or long-term gf’s pet.

He’s on the computer ? Watching TV? He is not giving you the attention you need, when and how you want it? aka slacking on his responsibilities ?  Imagine going from one boss at work to a second boss at home.

Stay tuned for the next blog post where I give you enough pearls of my wisdom to make a pearl necklace. Btw here are some concession

Offering Concessions

I know not all women  are this way, there are some who are enlightened despots and rule with what might appear to be the beginnings of compassion. There are very few which are all around awesome. However this mind-set I am describing here is pervasive. Pervasive enough to be the source for endless jokes, comedy specials and dudes I meet at the bar, trying to get the fuck away from home.

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