Random Thoughts || Questions for my Female Readers

Hey Ladies!

I need your help.

Since my last female friend got pregnant with her third child and moved away to Europe, I find myself without a female friend. I’ve found that it’s much more difficult to make female friends now than in college. I don’t know what happened between college and the present day. A lot has changed.

VikingShipFor example, certain women think saying “hello” means “I want to go deep inside of you”. It’s completely unfathomable that one would just want to talk with another human being who just so happens to have a vagina. These same women often times feel that every dude is a closeted rapist just waiting for the chance to coerce a woman into sexual situations. My favorite though is the one I heard at a bar not to long ago. It seems that drinking beers while watching a UFC pay-per-view is the precursor to taking the old Gokstad replica ship out of the garage and mount a small highly trained army to pillage the West Coast of England.

I know what many of you will say: “Not all women are like that, every man has an inner rapists inside of them, and that the Vikings would probably want to raid northern Ireland more than the West coast of England. The truth of the matter is that for all our talk about femininity and masculinity we have, I feel at least made it hard to simply befriend one another.

To be fair, on a whole I find it’s much harder to make friends now than before. It is hard to related to guys nowadays. My college and high school friends are becoming more and more important as the years go by. This quote summarizes things quite nicely

When men hit their 30s, many cling to their high school and college friends. And if these don’t last, men have a hard time forming new friendships. I’m not talking about work-out partners and neighbors you pound a few beers with while ribs are grilling, I’m talking about confidants. People who you are willing to share your innermost self to because you feel it will be valued and accepted (regardless of what evils lurk there). 

I was thinking about the number of confidants I have today, versus a good 10 years ago and they are more or less the same people. The difference now is that none of them are female. So ladies I have some questions for you:

  1. How many confidants do you have as friends?
  2. Do you hang on to a core group of friends or do you continue to make new friends into your 30’s ?
  3. Do you find it difficult to make male friends?
  4. Is it even possible to have platonic male friends?


  1. I moved cities a few years ago so my core group at the moment is mostly new, except my brother who I’ve known for 28 years! I am still close with my old friends from school, I just don’t see them as often due to distance.
    I never really had many male friends until my late twenties and all of those I met through other friends. It is definitely possible to have platonic male friends, a couple of my males friends are gay which of course makes it easy but I do have one good straight male mate. I think it can get a little messy sometimes, I used to have a male friend we were both single and I think he liked me as more than a friend but I didn’t feel the same and we have drifted apart now.


    • Thanks for your Comment Evey!

      I was thinking about you randomly not to long ago.I was gonna email you a question. I hope you’ve been well!

      I am really close about 5-6 people but we dont see each other much everyone is working and some of us started to have kids so its tough we are never free at the same time and in your 30’s you slow down a little bit. I love my family but don’t feel close to them so my friends are like a substitute fam in a way.

      I have had many platonic acquaintances with women in the past and it was nice. Female friends add a nice touch to the friendship thing. Its always sad when things drift apart though I must say whatever the reason


  2. 1. A few core ones, but I am an introvert so that is how we roll.

    2. I continue to make friends, I lost a lot during my divorce. Again, it isn’t a huge number because I just need a few close ones. A lot of my offline friends started out online.

    3. No. I have always been the “safe” girl. I don’t assume or think it’s about anything more than being friends.

    4. Yes! But, if they are involved with someone who doesn’t believe that then you have to be prepared for change, sometimes permanently.


  3. Hey Dave. Hope you’ve been well.

    1-2. I’m 29 currently. I make acquaintances very easily, and have excellent relations with most of my coworkers. Then again, I feed them quite often so that might have something to do with it. 😉
    I have 3 good friends, but my closest confidant is obviously my FwB, who’s been my friend for about 8 years and sex partner for nearly 7. All of the guys I hung out with in middle-high school have married and the majority have kids, so we’ve basically become Facebook friends due to me being single, childless, and physically female.

    3. Lol, no not at all! In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I haven’t had any female friends since I was 14…the ones I had up to that point just suddenly started acting, well, like stereotypical women and I couldn’t understand them anymore. I have made efforts in the last few years to make friends with women, but it’s never happened. Why are women so difficult to talk to/with? It’s like there’s an entire other language of subtleties that pervades each conversation. 😛

    4. I’m not sure. I mean, all my friends have penises and I don’t, but (you know) I think of myself as a dude. So are we all platonic friends…or does my gender dysphoria make us regular friends? It’s weird I guess.


  4. I have to say I personally find it difficult to have platonic male friends. And meeting and making friends with men is harder as you get older. If they are single, there are high chances they want to sleep with you, if they are coupled sometimes jealousy affects the ability to have a genuine friendship.


    • Thanks Daile, I was talking to a friends of mine about the same thing. Makes me wonder how can we be really their for women and their rights if its hard to make friends with them. Maybe not so much make friends as much as cross what appears to me to be a divide between really talking to each other


  5. 1. I’m a very private person and people say I should’ve been a man because I don’t do emotions and feelings very well and move on from an argument like it never happened. I would say I have 2 or 3 confidants.
    2. I am “friends” with a few of my college mates but not in the true sense of the word. Because I’m constantly travelling, I always make new friends. I’m not yet into my 30s so I’ll have to answer this a bit more accurately in a couple of years.
    3. I grew up with boys. In fact, if I were to get married today, I would have zero bridesmaids. So no, it isn’t difficult to make male friends.
    4. This one is a tough one because all of my friendships with men are platonic but at least a few of them have tried for more. Maybe it’s more difficult for a guy?


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