Satire & Comedic Writing || Turns Out You Don’t Have to Make A Porno to Be Sexually Liberated


Most guys in college have met a chick who loves to brags about the ‘crazy stuff’ she has done on her quest to liberate her sexuality. Her house parties look like the beaches of Normandy, with the lifeless bodies of young men in their prime strewn about. I got to know one such girl. She was a walking contradiction. She could of course withstand a train of frat guys blasting her in the face like the Allies did to the city of Dresden, but she found close-talkers annoying.

That chick came to mind recently because of this article I read by famed porn star Stoya entitled: Meet (And Love) Porn Star Stoya, and because I saw a woman drop a vanilla frosted on herself at Dunkin Donuts. There was frosting everywhere,poor thing. To Quote Stoya:

downloadRemember, the whole array of sexual activities that a person could engage in is so grand. You don’t have to want all those things. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting all of those things. I’m not really into food. I like eating, but not the fancy stuff. Oysters and caviar are gross to me. That weird duck paste, too — yuck. I like spaghetti with meat sauce, not meatballs, but meat sauce. I like very simple things. Some people are like that with sex, and other people want to literally eat everything they can possibly eat in the world. So, they have a TV show on the Food Network or something. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t like anal sex or you don’t even want to try it. You don’t have to make a porn movie to prove that you’re sexually liberated. You can be sexually liberated and just want to keep your bits to yourself. 

You may ask MrMary, since when do you put value in the words of a porn star ? Well it’s like this, according to modern-day research, porn has saved more marriages than the prenatal test for down syndrome, so I think it might help to pay attention.

My thoughts

No one can liberate you from expressing yourself. The most they can do is kill you for it (trust me on this I’m African-American). You can express yourself all you want up until that last time. So right before that act of murder or aggravated assault takes your life you are free to express yourself anyway you want. Bottom-line: if deep down in the recesses of your STD riddled heart you need a 12-guy/tranny/girl blow/gang/train-bang then by all means, the casual encounter section of Craigslist is your friend. If you would rather take it deep from your long-term spouse so be it. Make the conscious choice to do whatever you like and you will be sexually liberated. Until your killed that is.

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