Satire || Thinking aloud about the term “Nude-MakeUp”

There was and is one word that lords over childhood with an oppressive fist. That word is of course “make-up”. Check this out young children will “make-up”:

  • events to get out of trouble
  • excuses why they don’t want to work in factories in China
  • reasons why not to wipe their asses no matter how badly it itches
  • friends to talk to, games to play

What’s better is that anything you call into question as a child like:

Child: Dad why were you on top of Mom riding her like she was a pony at the petting zoo?
Dad: [nervous laugh] I’d never ride your mother. Horses neigh but your Mom says NO!  all the time.  You were dreaming

When+a+girl+puts+on+too+much+makeup_6fa05c_4709622Since I started speaking the English language I’ve never seen a positive connotation associated with the phrase “make-up”. Liars swindlers, charlatan, strippers, “make-up”things for a living. It strikes me as strange  that a significant number of cosmetic products marketed to woman fall under the umbrella term of “make-up”. Your face and over-all appearance is made-up; it is a lie at the worst half-truth at the best. I have seen a woman’s faces evanescence into the air on a windy Fall day; suddenly a strong gust comes and gone are the colourful layers of make-shift powder and sand above the pock-marked granite that is your face.

For the sake of clarity, another English word I heard a lot growing up was “Bull-shit”. Let’s say that an industry catering to the male consumer’s vanity used “bull-shit” as it’s  umbrella term:

  1. bsI just shaved, gonna splash some bullshit on my face
  2. I ran this bullshit through my hair, makes it easier to comb
  3. Before I hit the gym I squeeze a bit from this bottle of bullshit and apply to my sack
  4. They sell life-sized, self warming bullshit for lonely pathetic men, batteries not included
  5. I apply this bullshit to my hair and it takes away the greys.
  6. I just bought this bullshit makes my junk look bigger through my pants.
  7. I got my first bullshit kit at 16, I was so happy

See what I mean?

You may ask why I chose of all words bullshit? Well that is because bullshit and make-up are closely related. You can and often bullshit someone with what you have made-up. Case and point you bullshitting me with that arts and crafts project you call a face. As a child I asked once why do women want to make-up a new face. What’s wrong with the one they have? While I’m on the subject: “Why do older women use the medical equivalent of a soldering gun to weld synthetic plastic constructs onto their original faces?”

But moving on,there’s the word nude. I have seen pristine landscapes described with the word nude i.e  no embellishments, original, untouched … Do you then see how ironic the term: nude-make-up is then. Let’s deconstruct it

Your face, and how the universe/god/objective chance has connived to have you look is so atrocious you need to apply these carcinogenic agents to your face many of which have been tested on poor unsuspecting animals. Luckily for you chemists have gone the extra mile in deception-dealing science to  make it seem that you  actually look clownish naturally.

circusI will never understand this statement: “I feel naked when I go out without my make-up.” To me that means your so used to having your face look like a circus big top that not reminding everyone to rush to their local Ticket Masters to get seats for a Ringling Brother and Barnum & Bailey event, makes you cringe?

I have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, but isn’t putting on make-up  a subtle acknowledgement that you aren’t happy with yourself as you are?  Can you be self-confident if you can’t rely on Crayola to help you manufacture a new face every day ? If I understand the second wave of feminism correctly, putting on “make-up” is submitting to a patriarchal culture that is objectifying you. Can anyone help or explain this to me?

On a side note, I wanted to add that I am well aware of proper skin care I know all about lotion and moisturising which is probably why my genitals look the same as they did when I was 16 but my face looks 32.) But this goes beyond that just basic skin care?

Just my Thoughts


One comment

  1. I wouldn’t say I feel naked without makeup, I don’t bother when I’m just going to work, but I can’t imagine going out and not wearing any make up at all. I never really thought about it as submitting to a patriarchy, to me it’s not much different to putting on a nice dress and doing my hair when I go out. I’m not a very attractive girl, but I think I look much better with makeup than without and I suppose I just enjoy dressing up and trying to look nice. Is it so different to men having their beards groomed or hair cut in a nice way or wearing a nice shirt? I think most people like to look nice, especially when they go out somewhere.


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