Beyonce Says it best, probably because it is her song:


If you liked it then you should’ve put a

ring on it

History has given us a great precedence for ring use. So in my infinite cynicism wisdom I decided to share with you three of the many things that we should put rings on:




An ill-performing Phallus


Not every man can be the successor to Priapus – In Greek mythology, Priapus   was a minor rustic fertility god, protector of livestock, fruit plants, gardens and male genitalia. Priapus is marked by his absurdly oversized, permanent erection, which gave rise to the medical term priapism. – so therefore technology must be used to assisted persons- whose constant affair with flaciddity keeps them alone and unassisted.

The Sexually Exploited

Bride and Bridegroom

You’ve seem these people everywhere, familiarity has bred contempt. Rather than celebrate life, they live in the shadows exploiting sex. What was once beautiful and fun they debase and use as a tool to create actually tools – legions and legions of the unfulfilled spiritual syphilitic mindless people that make the world the truly chthonic realm that it is. So if you love someone and want them to suffer the indignation of marriage, and the eventual dissolution of teir individuality please  put a ring on them.

Side Note: Also I am guessing based on watching Taken 1 and Taken 2 that married people, especially wealthy married people, are big time investors into sexual slavery, or illegal sex rings. (Do you notice that it is impossible to talk about slavery and exploitation without the mention of rings) Hey if they are willing to invest in private prisons which thrive on bogus mass incarcerations practices, why not something as horrible as human trafficking ?



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