Not everyone got to party like a Rock-star on New Years Eve and wake up the next morning with their dignity intact.
I could sense a the pangs of regret in the voice of some people I talked to after New Years Eve had come and gone. I decided to write this post for those who felt a little regret that they greet the New Year not with a Bang but with a whimper. I want you to feel that it is ok for any night (New Years Eve or not) not to live up to some prefabricated hype and end silently. Yes we do lead lives of quiet desperation, we do go to work and come home to eat and sleep only to be back at work the next day and in doing so, run a ring around around the prickly pear of spiritual destitution, always in danger of falling if we aren’t careful onto a veritable crown of thorns. If I can Quote from T.S Eliot:
This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man’s hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.
Is it like this
In death’s other kingdom
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.
What that means is that, while we all myself included slowly descend into an every deepening irrelevance there are at least 5 things that will make us proud of our own mediocrity. So here it is here are 5 reasons that make waking up in puddles of your own urine and vomit and not covered in 7 different semens (is that even a word?) nursing with sore ass like that girl in Colorado who Kobe raw-dogged, GGGGRRRRREEAAATTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#5 Vegans live longer
#4 – You were not Living in Boston
while this lady was employed
This is the “GOVERNMENT CHEMIST WHO TAMPERED WITH 40,000 CASES, LOCKING COUNTLESS INNOCENT AMERICANS IN PRISON. Thanks to her prosecutors were able to successfully convict innocent Americans because Dookhan would chemically taint the “evidence,” resulting in career boosts for the prosecutors while innocent men and women were torn from their families and locked in cells. Dookhan has plead guilty to all the counts brought against her and was given a three to five year sentence. Recently Another Chemist at Dookhan’s Lab Accused of Deception, More than 180,000 Cases Need Review
#3 All those crazy conspiracy theorist
were right and the government is
spying on us and trying to control our
#2 You Could be one of those Planet
Fitness members who complained the
Squat rack was too intimidating and
had them removed
Enjoy some gym humor pictures:
I’m Not joking check this article out: PLANET FITNESS REMOVES SQUAT RACKS FOR BEING ‘INTIMIDATING’ BECAUSE WE’RE SUCH PUSSIES IN AMERICA. According to an employee at the Planet Fitness in Question: ” Corporate came in and removed it because ‘a customer complained that it was intimidating.” And corporate didn’t see anything wrong with the free bagels and pizza given at the gym? I haven’t check with my sources but some say that the incline decline and bench press were removed too ?
#1 You could be going back to work wishing that everyone be tested for herpes. Taken from. The following taken from this article: What Porn Stars Want in 2014 (and Their Wildest Moments of Last Year), written by the retired Porn Star Aurora Snow, the inventor of the SnowJob, well maybe not the inventor but, she brought the snow job to unforetold heights [that’s not true]
Gauge, retired star who returned in 2013
Most outlandish moment of 2013:
“Besides returning to porn this year, I got a job at the hospital and my boss recognized me. It was weird. He brought me cookies his wife made and he propositions me while I’m eating one. All these thoughts start going through my head. He’d just come out of the bathroom and I remember thinking to myself okay this son-of-a-bitch just propositioned me while I’m eating a cookie his wife made with her own hands.”
In 2014 I’d like to see:
“The industry start testing for herpes.”