How I Solved The Issue of being followed Around a Store

I am about to drop some knowledge on you. Last week I solved a problem so emphatically, with such authority …. I am still basking in my glory which although according to Catholicism might be a sin, I’m doing it anyways.



Shopping at a discount store for little knick-knacks for my new apartment. It was right next to a grocery store so it was a no-brainer to go and visit. My lady and I needed a cheap shower curtain and other things. I go to the lower level of the store and as soon as I enter  I start being followed. It is OK i am used to it, After all I am between 4’11 and 7’0 and do not burn in the sun so it is expected. What bothered me was that the lady watching me was from Dravidian, her skin was as dark as mine, also she was doing a bad job she almost bumped into me in the aisle with the garbage cans and shower poles.  I do not know how to smuggle those things out of a story I cannot put a garbage can under my t shirt or a 7 FOOT SHOWER POLE in my pants and walk out un-detected. I dont mind so much that you think that I am a potential rapist and thug wearing. It was my fault for wearing my angry birds t-shirt mesh shorts and sandals


I immediately put my hands up in the air and started walking around like that. My lady noticed and asked me what the fuck was going on, and I told her very loudly: WE ARE BEING FOLLOWED !!! PUT YOUR HANDS UP !!!! She tells me not to be a dick and cause another scene. Too late. I AM AN ABRASIVE NEGRO AND i MIGHT BE SMUGGLING THINGS IN MY ASS… SHE PROBABLY THINKS I SPENT SOME TIME IN PRISON TOO  HUHN  AND CAN USE MY ANUS AS A CARRY-ON CASE !??!?!? Everyone in the lower section of the store hears me and  feels embarrassed. I do not let that stop me. DO YOU THINK SHE WILL CAVITY SEARCH ME, I HOPE SO MY PROSTATE HAS SOME DUST ON IT FOR LACK OF USE. My lady put everything down and makes her way out of the store and I follow. I end up offending everyone

Moral of the Story



There is no moral of the story.


6 thoughts on “How I Solved The Issue of being followed Around a Store

  1. Brilliant.
    I have often been accused of being a dick by my wife; in stores for similar behavior but never for such a good reason. Bravo. Do that everytime they follow you and before you know it you won’t be followed.
    get a few million other people to do the same thing and who knows what might happen. Just stay away from me when you do it. I don’t want them to notice the seven foot curtain rod sticking out of MY ass.


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