Before I turn Ms. Deen’s Scandal into a piece of Satire, let me say something

I love when scandals like this happen because they in a  way air out the nations dirty laundry. Also they let me know how ready are we as a nation to talk about the past and  move forward together as a nation, not a xenophobic disparate group of people trying to feign racial, sexual, religion tolerance for the sake of appearances.

Let me bring you up to speed:

A former employee of the Deen food empire is suing Deen and her brother Earl “Bubba” Hiers, charging racial and sexual harassment. Lisa T Jackson claims, among other unsavory things, Deen wanted her to design a “plantation style” wedding for Bubba, which would ideally include “a bunch of little niggers” in bow ties to act as servers, like the ones that used to “tap dance around” in “Shirley Temple days”.

Bubba Hiers addressed Jackson as “my little Jew girl”, supposedly because he was impressed with her bringing the business into profit, subjected his employees to porn in the workplace, called his kitchen workers “coons”, and, well, here’s an extract from Jackson’s complaint:

In Ms Jackson‘s presence, Bubba Hiers said to his African-American security guard and driver, “don’t you wish you could rub all the black off you and be like me?” The security guard responded, “I’m fine the way I am”, whereupon Mr Hiers replied, “You just look dirty. I bet you wish you could.”

The reality of it

 If I a public celebrity walked into my establishment and made hurtful comments that singled out anyone for their race, gender , creed, religious or age in such an egregious way I deserve the media backlash and to lose sponsors. If I am watching porn in  my office creating and necessarily uncomfortable work place to people  I also deserve to be talked about in a negative manner. But the rules apply differently to me. I don’t really understand the debate why people are shocked and outraged that she lost her endorsements and show on Food Network. If Kobe Bryant can lose endorsements for sleeping with a white girl who showed up with multiple sperm samples, or Rush Limbaugh can loose sponsors for his derogatory and misogynistic remarks, or Magic Johnson can loose sponsorship for coming out as HIV positive, then its only fair that Paula Deen loses sponsorship.

“A century and a half after the Emancipation Proclamation, 50 years on from the Children’s Crusade in Birmingham, the assassination of Civil Rights activist Medgar Evers, and former Alabama Governor George Wallace‘s “Stand in the Schoolhouse Door“, too many Americans still haven’t adjusted to the racial realities of the 21st century. Or even the 20th.”

But that isn’t the entirety of the issue: There is an open wound in the American Psyche : racism.

Look At these Statements:

“Your dismissal of Paula Deen reflects not on her use of a commonly used word of years ago but on your own narrow-mindedness. The repercussions for your declining viewership will be great.”

While the social media lynch mob rubbed its gleeful hands together at first, a groundswell of support now seems to be emerging, rallying behind the celeb

Paula Deen’s Son – Mom’s NOT Racist!!! She Bought Me Hank Aaron Pajamas

People of Deen’s generation can neither change the past nor completely escape their roots in it, anymore than the rest of us. They can apologize and mean it, as Deen seems to. … Deen is old and she’s sorry. She should get her job back.”

The N-word is truly awful, but we have to stop purging people

This looks and smells like bullshit to me honestly. There is a narrative being sold that Ms Deen is from this idyllic imaginary South, the land of gentleman, proper ladies, manners and that being the case this old bitch dog can’t learn new tricks. Looking at what she said a few months ago  I am not surprised. Social media which was praised for helping people rally during the Arab spring has suddenly become a lynch mob (do you see the irony of the people using social media to voice their supposed anger or outrage at Ms Deen using the N -word being called a lynch mob)

Deen, talking at an event months before losing her job for using the “N-word,” recounted how her great-grandfather was driven to suicide after his 30 slaves were set free. “Between the death of his son and losing all the workers, he went out into his barn and shot himself because he couldn’t deal with those kind of changes,” Deen said at a New York Times event. Deen, owner of a restaurant empire, asserted the owner-slave relationship was more kinship than cruelty. “Back then, black folk were such an integral part of our lives,” said Deen. “They were like our family, and for that reason we didn’t see ourselves as prejudiced.” She also called up an employee to join her onstage, noting that Hollis Johnson was “as black as this board” — pointing to the dark backdrop behind her. “We can’t see you standing in front of that dark board!” Deen quipped, drawing laughter from the audience. At the same event, Deen at one point described race relations in the South as “pretty good.” “We’re all prejudiced against one thing or another,” she added. “I think black people feel the same prejudice that white people feel.”

The Price of Fame

When one becomes famous, part of the conditions is that you have to be always aware that the public is fickle and can turn on you any minute. You have to realize that if you say anything or do anything that make the sponsors the people who help you into power lose money or potentially lose you will be fed to the dogs. None of the companies I feel really give a fuck about what she said. They care about the bottom line: $$$ .

The real question no one is asking is: now some years post civil rights what is racism? Who is a racist ? What should be our policy towards racism ? There is another question I heard being asking: “Why can they say the N word but white people cant? ” The questions I have been asking myself when I try to explain to some of my Caucasian friends who have asked my opinion bout Ms Deen’s scandal, is: what would an equivalent word be that hurts and denigrates a person of Caucasian decent today to the say extent extent that nigger does a black person. Its hard to explain what I feel without an example.

and with that let the satire begin

text of the video above

Sorry I’m being so negative. I’m a bummer. I don’t know–I shouldn’t be. I’m a very, you know, lucky guy. I’ve got a lot going for me: I’m healthy, I’m relatively young, I’m white…which, thank God for that shit, boy. That is a huge leg up. Are you kidding me? Oh, God, I love being white. I really do. Seriously, if you’re not white, you’re missing out. Because this shit is thoroughly good. Let me be clear, by the way. I’m not saying that white people are better. I’m saying that being white is clearly better. Who could even argue? If it was an option, I would re-up every year.

“Oh, yeah, I’ll take ‘white’ again, absolutely. I’ve been enjoying that. I’m gonna stick with white, thank you.”

Here’s how great it is to be white: I can get in a time machine and go to any time, and it would be fucking awesome when I get there! That is exclusively a white privilege. Black people can’t fuck with time machines! A black guy in a time machine’s like, “Hey, anything before 1980, no thank you. I don’t want to go.”

But I can go to any time! The year 2. I don’t even know what’s happening then, but I know when I get there…

“Welcome, we have a table right here for you, sir.”

“Thank you. Oh, it’s lovely here in the year 2.”

I can go to any time–in the past. I don’t want to go to the future and find out what happens to white people because we’re gonna pay hard for this shit, you got to know that. We’re not going to just fall from number one to two. They’re gonna hold us down and fuck us in the ass forever. And we totally deserve it. But for now, wheeeeeeee!

Now, if you’re white and you don’t admit that it’s great, you’re an asshole. It is great. And I’m a man. How many advantages could one person have? I’m a white man. You can’t even hurt my feelings! What can you really call a white man that really digs deep?

“Hey, cracker.”

“Uh. Ruined my day. Boy shouldn’t have called me a cracker. Bringing me back to owning land and people, what a drag.”


  1. Best compliment my white ass ever got: Nah, you a sista.

    From a woman of color poetry blog I thoroughly enjoyed, but didn’t document: Who would want to assimilate into white culture anyway?
    Gotta get some color sugar and soul somehow. White culture don’t got it. Most white folk are to dumb to know what they’re missing, A seat at a restaurant? That’s the best your life gets? Owning people? Gross. Some people are just to dumb to be disgusted. Yet, we are all sorta owned, and it’s cool I guess when people felt like family. I bet those families really missed more than just the work their family/slaves provided. There is so much more for white folk to miss from close relationships with black folk! Think hard enough about it and the whole thing becomes irrelevant, like you said Mr. Sugar. Except for formal apology for lots of “white” cultural idiocy, and such. Or what?


    • Hey wayward

      Thanks for your comment. I always feel that education is of the utmost importance. The more we are education on not only cultureal differences but similarities too the more we can look at it each other as human being. I dont know if a time will come in my life time where the many groups that make up this nation of ours will be on equal ground in politics, economics finances, social justice, etc but knowledge and exposure can go a long way I fee. You’re all kinds of awesome..all kinds


  2. Oh, I see … I ad NO idea she purchased Hank Aaron pj’s —- that changes EVERYTHING! LOL!

    Great post, Dave!


    • I miss the Dice man I grew on him and his nursery rhymes. Chris Brown cannot be saved from Douchebaggery the kid is lost like Guiliani’s dignity I suppose. Is the restaurant treating you better do I need to go ova there ?


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