Jocular Look @ Today’s News || Bacon sunscreen and bacon condoms


J&D Foods, famous for products such as Baconnaise, is set to launch a line of bacon-scented sunscreen and bacon-flavored (and shaped) condoms. The condoms are designed to “make your meat look like meat.” Clever. Both products will be shipped this summer, but if you can’t wait until then, check out some of the company’s other crazy, meat-themed products.

A brief Reflection

I predict that 24-hour diners and breakfast spots will profit greatly from the Bacon Condom. Afterwards I am always hungry and devoid of essential nutrients mostly water, proteins and self respect. I cannot tell you afterwards how many times I said, if I could include or work some bacon heart clogging  into this scenario maybe I would feel better about myself, might as well reward my five minutes of hard-work and sweat. In the worse case scenario my body will be recharged enough to fuel more unsuccessful attempts at making my lady happy. Btw I think my meat already looks like meat, hence the slang euphemism tube steak, replace the delicate marbling of your favourite cut of meat with lattice like ramifications of angiogenesis (the physiological process through which new blood vessels form from pre-existing vessels)

I have no experience with sunscreen, other than being overwhelmed by it on public transportation when work forces me into contact with the economic strata so blinding as to be made invisible from my modest living. I imagine the bacon sunscreen would put the housing impaired demographics – stray dogs cats people, into a frenzy when the wearer passed by.



Ultimately nothing says we are a nation of privilege and excess more than  bacon flavored and shaped condom and bacon-scented sunscreen. While people around the world die of starvation we amuse and perhaps entertain ourselves by juxtaposing nuances of gustatory over indulgence in intimate settings.


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