I’m Dave aka MrMary & I support Same Sex Marriages ||Plus Random thoughts on Bad Sex Advice from Cosmo Magazine


Hola My Peoples,

I don’t believe in the existence of Heaven or Hell. I don’t believe that Kool Aid has 120% of the Daily Recommend Amounts of Vitamin C (Even if it did It’s still shit) I don’t Believe that Mayor Bloomberg has the best interest in mind of the people when he wants to put cameras on every street corner,  I don’t believe that there will every be class or race equality in America, I don’t believe in politicians,  religious leaders, or the people that send you mail from Publisher’s Clearing House saying that I may have already won $1,000,000. I don’t believe  that marriage is special or holy, or sacred, I don’t believe all that bullshit either about “the One” and all the bullshit sex advice from Cosmo -Slipping a doughnut around his penis, and slowly eat it off is perhaps the biggest waste of a donut- I feel the only way donuts should come into sex is after its all over and my lady needs on to sit down on our crappy chairs, – (too much lower body strength. I squat and deadlift over 400+)

But I do believe that if you love someone, and they love you too (in a consensual  way, not in a stalker sorta way) and together you want to have your union recognized by some fat bloated excuse for a human being  that supposedly to because of his soulessness can interpret that morass of incomprehensible sometimes dehumanizing policies, while represents an institution that has systematically done more harm to human beings and recklessly destroyed not only life but for many people reasons to continue living it, then by all means they should be allowed, and they should get all full legal rights as any other married couple.


I’m Dave, the guy who birthed, nursed and lovingly suckled this blog for almost two years now, and I support:


Inter-racial Marriage,

Old People Marriages,

Feminist marriages,

Vegas Marriages,

Unhappy Marriages,

Boring Marriages,

Unfulfilling Marriages,

Great marriages,

Illogical marriages,

French people Marriages


(I don’t support however, abusive marriages)

Supplemental Info (total Non-sequitor)

(Disclaimer – This is a section clearly for adults only or people who can joke around about sex which is quite funny. If you dont realize this is a joke or are easy offended  please exit now)

Bad Advice given by Cosmo as compiled by people on the net in some obscure forums on reddit:

Cosmo (page 85, Feb 2013):

  • Take a sip of peppermint tea before going down on him. // My Objection: This is America we dont do tea unless it’s iced, the ice thing and shrinkage well you know what I mean
  • Cup the shaft in your palm and place on his penis length-wise. Move your head as if playing a harmonica as you lick the sides. It’s a totally different feeling. // My Objection: As someone who plays harmonica … what ever happened to humming those spiritual tunes that will take me mentally and physically to a place I want to be
  • The rule with teeth: be gentle and never move side to side. A soft pulsating nibble is erotic, actual chomping is psychotic. Note that. // My Objection: I have teeth and insurance and there is no premium for  dick related teeth accidents … I play it safe  and aside from doing the sign of the cross when I am out of condoms and have to get mines with a strange women..I have a strict no teeth policy
  • Plant little feathery kisses just behind his knees. It seems like a weird spot but it’s super sensitive and he’ll melt from the sensation. // My Objection: I’ve never melted, while it’s true that Black Don’t Crack it doesn’t melt either. Plus I’m too busy massaging my knees to commit crimes and win athletic scholarships
  • Take a good kissing session from pretty good to really great by sucking firmly on his tongue for a split second // My Objection: Instead of a tongue I can recommend err…. uhm err yeah

Here is another actual publication this time making fun of Cosmo’s sex advise coloumn

Cosmo‘s 44 Most Ridiculous Sex Tips

  1. Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other… you can tap it back and forth like you’re volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles. Many women make the mistake of being too gentle.
  2. Use “your electric toothbrush” or “your iPhone [when your vibrator is out of batteries].”
  3. As you’re eating dinner together, say something X-rated like, ‘See how I’m devouring this piece of meat? That’s how I’m going to devour you.’
  4. Give him a beer facial — the combination of the egg white and the yeast in the hops hydrates and improves skin elasticity… but you can just tell him that your lips can’t resist his delicious, beer-flavored face.”
  5. Not ecofriendly? It could be a sign that he’ll trash your relationship too.”
  6. Grasp his hands and coax them into a prayer position, then position hands over his… Your words [will] become more persuasive to him, though he won’t know why.”

4 thoughts on “I’m Dave aka MrMary & I support Same Sex Marriages ||Plus Random thoughts on Bad Sex Advice from Cosmo Magazine

    1. Shams

      how nice to read your comments, every time I read your comments I think of Rumi’s Shams. its kind of nice, especially on a sunny day like today when the sun isnt out. Im playing with words shams meaning sun 🙂
      really like your blog btw. I like your Palestine post, I thought there would be some words from Mahmoud Darwish.

      Anyways I support the creation of mini french people, think of it it only makes sense, there are mini eclairs, mini macaron, and mini portion or boeuf bourignon especially in a nice restaurant mini bottles of coco chanel, mini louios vuitton bags so why not mini people.I think the french people know these deep down inside their pysche which is why they like asterix so much and made obelisk kind of a simpleton 🙂


  1. Love this very hilarious one from you, MrMary. So entertaining. March 26 must have been a special day as you were able to dispatch here three highly interesting posts.

    Though I can’t believe you’d support boring, unhappy, and unfulfilling marriages. Why is there such a thing as divorce, then? 🙂

    I used to subscribe to Cosmo magazine yet now I think it centers mainly on dispensing crazy sex conceptions just to sell copies. Still can’t stop laughing on the donut thing and those ridiculous sex tips enumerated. Hahaha!

    A majority of what you believed in, I do believe in, too. I like this particular sage tidbit I read somewhere: We believe this was “the One” and that the snowman never melts. The truth is, when the seasons change, the snowman melts.


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