Jocular Look @ Today’s News: Condom Size App Lets Men Measure Penises w/Smartphones

Guys, are you looking for a way to measure the size of your penis that involves your smartphone, rather than some boring piece of equipment like a ruler or a tape measure? There’s an app for that. The app Condom Size is advertised as a tool to help guys determine their proper condom size, so you see, it’s more than just an electronic ruler — it’s a crucial tool for safe sex. The app gives very helpful instructions for measuring — “hold hard member straight against inches or cm side of screen” — and will tell the user such information as their recommended condom size and type as well as their world rankings in both length and girth. Technology truly has reached a new level. [Source]

Alrighty Then

Everyone knows that the camera add at least 5 inches. There is going to be a lot more depressed guys around because of this app but luckily for us war is still big business and we can go and acquire some merit killing people we don’t know from culture we cannot relate too , because we never really studied anything that challenged our own national hubris is school.

Side-Note Tangent

I also look at war itself a little differently from most. I see it largely as an exercise in dick-waving. That’s really all it is: alot of men standing around in a field waving their dicks at one another. Men, insecure about the size of their penises, choose to kill one another. That’s also what all that moron athlete bullshit is all about, and what that macho, male posturing and strutting around in bars and locker rooms represents. It’s called ‘dick fear.’ Men are terrified that their dicks are inadequate, and so they have to ‘compete’ in order to feel better about themselves. And since war is the ultimate competition, essentially men are killing one another in order to improve their genital self-esteem. You needn’t be a historian or a political scientist to see the Bigger Dick Foreign Policy Theory at work. It goes like this: ‘What? They have bigger dicks? Bomb them!’ And of course, the bombs, the rockets, and the bullets are all shaped like penises. Phallic weapons. There’s an unconscious need to project the national penis into the affairs of others. It’s called ‘fucking with people’

Seriously Now

What size are you? (Photo credit: ganesha.isis)

I wonder with so many problem why is there even an app for this?  And I call bullshit on the stats they have for world and ethnic rankings.  Plus if I remember correctly fone screens are not that large which makes me kind of suspect the ” “hold hard member straight against inches or cm side of screen”.  Also may not be easy to do the straight against thing.

But I know a good thing when I see it. We may be able to cash in on this trend of pandering to our gross insecurities how about this app (there are more of these, let me know if you want to develop them with me)

Snatch Stretch App

If been years and you’ve put on some miles on your part. let’s face it without moisturizer and lube, you’re part is as cracked and creased as my high school baseball glove. Use this new app that will estimate  dryness and in turn stretchability. New upgrades will estimate how many minutes of bullshit foreplay and tubes of KY will you need to not bust up your partner’s shit. Shmush your bits onto the screen  and follow the directions.

Related articles

• Does Size Matter? The Impact of Penis Size on Sex and Health (psychologytoday.com)
• ‘Condom Size’ App Asks Men To Measure Up In World Penis League Table (huffingtonpost.co.uk)
• Apple approves penis-measuring app for iPad and (less well-endowed) iPhone users (betanews.com)
• New Naked Lux XS Condoms are the Fastest Selling Small Size Condoms in Condomania’s 22 Year History (prweb.com)