I hate work.
I should quantify that and say I hate working like this. I see things a bit different because I’m new here to this country, to the English language and to this type of thinking. I think it’s a great thing to be alive and human, even despite all the pain and misery I’ve experienced. Id rather take a day in the emergency room on oxycodon with tubes in my arm them not being alive.
With that said, I can tell you we’ve been sold a fraudulent dream. We go to college study hard to get a job. Once we get that job we work long hours for less pay and benefits while raising a family. If you can retire, from what I hear less and less Americans are able to retire on time with savings.
I am not going to tell you my philosophy on life, but I feel if I go through with following this dream my life will be a waste. I tried to break out a few times with the companies I started and I’ve come close but still here I am.
The Crazy Project:
When I was in 5th grade my father forced me to read existential books because he read them at Lycee and they changed his life. I was already really depressed and this was a bad move. I did read a lot of Camus though more than Sartre or any other existentialist.
later on when I came across existentialism again it really sunk in: the power of choice. 2 months ago I was in a rut, and I said let me just do the craziest thing in my mind. I did this once before and walked into oncoming traffic hoping someone would put me out of my misery but it didn’t happen. But I felt present though, present in the moment for the first time in life and since that incident never had a suicidal thought or impulse.
So I was sitting there with a blog post in front of me and out of no where I said Amateur body building, do it. I was in the gym but just lifting to get healthier. I wasn’t lifting like I was before. I was scared to get injured again: rotator cuff issues, and I didn’t want to hear all the negative talk that comes with that from family friends lol. But it stirred something up
I started waking up earlier, getting to work 3 hours earlier, working out intensely, eating better. Holistically everything changed I don’t know where this project us gonna stop or how things will end up but it’s really changing things around for me in the best way.
its been helping me clear my mind and given me the discipline to focus on freeing myself from this non-sense anyways.
What are your big crazy projects ?
- Sartre, Jean-Paul. Existentialism and human emotions. New York: Citadel, 1957. (bibliothetique.wordpress.com)
- A Special New Years Wish From MrMary: Start a Foolish Project (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
- Gotta Live Like We’re Dying. (buitifulconfessions.com)