Real Talk: My Big Foolish Project

I hate work.

I should quantify that and say I hate working like this. I see things a bit different because I’m new here to this country, to the English language and to this type of thinking. I think it’s a great thing to be alive and human, even despite all the pain and misery I’ve experienced. Id rather take a day in the emergency room on oxycodon with tubes in my arm them  not being alive.

The cartoon today: on rail fare rises:
© Iain Green 2013

With that said, I can tell you we’ve been sold a fraudulent dream. We go to college study hard to get a job. Once we get that job we work long hours for less pay and benefits while raising a family.  If you can retire, from what I hear less and less Americans are able to retire on time with savings.

I am not going to tell you my philosophy on life, but I feel if I go through with following this dream my life will be a waste.  I tried to break out a few times with the companies I started and I’ve come close but still here I am.

The Crazy Project:

When I was in 5th grade my father forced me to read  existential books because he read them at Lycee and they changed his life. I was already really depressed and this was a bad move. I did read a lot of Camus though more than Sartre or any other existentialist.

later on when I came across existentialism again it really sunk in: the power of choice.  2 months ago I was in a rut, and I said let me just do the craziest thing in my mind. I did this once before and walked into oncoming traffic hoping someone would put me out of my misery but it didn’t happen. But I felt present though, present in the moment for the first time in life and since that incident never had a suicidal thought or impulse.

So I was sitting there with a blog post in front of me and out of no where I said Amateur body building, do it. I was in the gym but just lifting to get healthier. I wasn’t lifting like I was before. I was scared to get injured again: rotator cuff issues, and I didn’t want to hear all the negative talk that comes with that from family friends lol. But it stirred something up

I started waking up earlier, getting to work 3 hours earlier, working out intensely, eating better. Holistically everything  changed I don’t know where this project us gonna stop or how things will end up but it’s really changing things around for me in the best way.

its been helping me clear my mind and given me the discipline to focus on freeing myself from this non-sense anyways.

What are your big crazy projects ?


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  1. Wow thats actually a great idea Mr. Mary. I had been thinking of doing something similar..hmmm now to brainstorm on ideas. Btw your AWESOME! 🙂 it also doesn’t hurt that your cute. 😀


  2. I tried committing suicide on Christmas 2012, but it did wake me up. My mind said, “I do not need these crazy mofos in my life and I can do anything as long as I put my mind to it.” The sad thing was that I had not put my mind to it for years. Now I’m ready to concentrate and get going on my writing career. It feels like anything is possible and I’m excited about the future. But I think the Wellbutrin helps. 😛


  3. Awesome for you to gain control of your life and get it back. It’s not so much about the working out, eating right, etc. — I think it’s just the taking care of yourself and your body…and you see results, and that makes you feel better, so you continue. At least, that’s how it’s been for me too.


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