BlogFestivus 2012 Day 1: Negro Pete and Dasher

Last night I had a little depressive episode and thought let me try to do something new to change things up. I read about BlogFestivus  and figured this is something I usually don’t do maybe I should do it. It wasn’t until I read that the lovely lady responsible for BlogFestivus 2012 will be jingling my bells every morning without my asking or having to buy jewelry for 9 days that I jumped in head first and to the left. Here is my first post! Enjoy it, love it 🙂

Thanks for coming.

I’m not going to beat around the bush, this isn’t a second date and we aren’t in the back of a ‘93 Milano Red Honda Civic.

This is where once great holiday figures come to die. I’m Negro Pete. I have been asked by the Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club to help you transition from a few centuries of relevancy to now complete uselessness. My past clients during the off season include: the ‘76 East German Female Swim team, River Phoenix, Emmitt Smith, cunnilingus and Joan Rivers’ original face before she welded the dia de los muertos mask onto her skull.

A little about me before we get started… For centuries I rolled with Santa in Holland. Recently people feel that some little black boy born into servitude for a fat white man,  forced to give out candy to good Caucasian boys and girls, is racist. That’s almost as ridiculous as sterilizing brilliant people for being homosexual. Either way I’m free now and here with you since retirement in Canada isn’t an option.

Let me let the elephant out the closet. The world thinks you are all dudes but you & I know that male reindeer drop their antlers before Christmas Day. Living a lie is fucked-up, look at Tom Cruise.

Dasher of all the reindeer you seem to suffer the most from gender issues  are you willing to let me help you?

Stayed tuned for more tomorrow

Check out  Ms. UC Sexy at So I Went Undercover – she’s sexy and a great blogger. If you dislike what I write, direct your hate mail to her because its through her blog I learned about BlogFestivus 2012. Here are my other Bloggers who are down this blogFestivus thing and also down with the same sickness I got: awesomeness 🙂

• Steve Betz – the holiday mixer.
• Rewind Revise – newly married and on her very own joy train.
• Lenore Diane – thoughts from the Elf Queen herself.
• Shouts from the Abyss – Tom’s on a mission to blighten your holiday season.
• Fix It or Deal – Amy Severson bringing it robot-style.
• Lynn Schneider Books – Lynn, the BlogFestivus newbie.
• 1 Point Perspective – the Bruce Willis of WordPress.
• Joe Owen’s Blog – he’s got forty-something eyes. Not Betty Davis eyes.
• MC’s Whispers – Maria-Christina works in PR. What kind of “spin” will she put on this writing challenge?
• LittleWonder2  – a musical surfing vampire lover. I know.
• Blog It or Lose It! – One word. Minecraft.
• Voice in Me – Reena’s from India…where reindeer go on vacation.
• Apprentice, never master – Gwendolyn, the fearless.
• A Year of Daily Posts – Sarah, the paperback writer (three manuscripts but they count.)
• Diary of a Sensitive Soul – Immie, blogging from the U.K. (Why am I feeling Bruce Springsteen?)
• Dot Knows! – Liz, the life changer.
• k8edid – oh, yes. She did.
• The Day After — A musing wannabe.

 

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