BlogFestivus 2012 Day 1: Negro Pete and Dasher

blogfestivus-2012

Last night I had a little depressive episode and thought let me try to do something new to change things up. I read about BlogFestivus  and figured this is something I usually don’t do maybe I should do it. It wasn’t until I read that the lovely lady responsible for BlogFestivus 2012 will be jingling my bells every morning without my asking or having to buy jewelry for 9 days that I jumped in head first and to the left. Here is my first post! Enjoy it, love it :-)

blogfestivus-2012

Thanks for coming.

I’m not going to beat around the bush, this isn’t a second date and we aren’t in the back of a ‘93 Milano Red Honda Civic.

tumblr_lvh65alXGu1qg38dno1_400This is where once great holiday figures come to die. I’m Negro Pete. I have been asked by the Reindeers of the Icelandic Antler Club to help you transition from a few centuries of relevancy to now complete uselessness. My past clients during the off season include: the ‘76 East German Female Swim team, River Phoenix, Emmitt Smith, cunnilingus and Joan Rivers’ original face before she welded the dia de los muertos mask onto her skull.

A little about me before we get started… For centuries I rolled with Santa in Holland. Recently people feel that some little black boy born into servitude for a fat white man,  forced to give out candy to good Caucasian boys and girls, is racist. That’s almost as ridiculous as sterilizing brilliant people for being homosexual. Either way I’m free now and here with you since retirement in Canada isn’t an option.

Let me let the elephant out the closet. The world thinks you are all dudes but you & I know that male reindeer drop their antlers before Christmas Day. Living a lie is fucked-up, look at Tom Cruise.

Dasher of all the reindeer you seem to suffer the most from gender issues  are you willing to let me help you?

Stayed tuned for more tomorrow

Check out  Ms. UC Sexy at So I Went Undercover – she’s sexy and a great blogger. If you dislike what I write, direct your hate mail to her because its through her blog I learned about BlogFestivus 2012. Here are my other Bloggers who are down this blogFestivus thing and also down with the same sickness I got: awesomeness :-)

 

 

8 thoughts on “BlogFestivus 2012 Day 1: Negro Pete and Dasher

  1. I asked you to bring it and you brought extra. Love it! Can’t wait for more. (I discovered while writing today that one of the reindeer is gay. I’m thinking same-sex marriage come December 19th.)

    • That’s gonna be so cool a same sex marriage, will they adopt a foreign reindeer baby from Siberia ? send him to a good public school etc They say that all stories become richer and more dramatic with a gay theme or undercurrent. I cant wait to read more :-)

  2. Oh, man, this was hi-larious but I finally lost it at “Let me let the elephant out the closet.” Great stuff!
    And I had that little keyboard face smash guy as my twitter avi ages ago. I love that gif!

    • Hello Amy , How nice to meet you. Im glad I participated in this I got to check out your site and many other sites that I haven’t before! I love the Flasher thing, which is really funny when u think that reindeer are never depicted in pants, its all hanging out all the time :-) lol That really made me laugh. Lol I love that Gif too its cracks me up and makes me chuckle. I look forward to the next part.

      • Yeah, I thought about the “no pants” thing then figured that logic and reason have no place in this challenge.
        One of the great side-effects of these challenges is reading blogs that I’ve never come across before. It’s always fun to read new people. Except when they write better than me, that is. :)

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