I was a dick . Now I clean dishes, do laundry & vacuum too

I hate seeing my friends suffer. My home girl Ms UnderCover Sexy spent part of her day hiding out. Why you ask well  I am not at liberty to judge you can read about it here though. What am at liberty to do is to bring your attention to a moment when I had an epiphany I was a dick.  So I am offering this  guide to guys that just recently moved in with their significant other or guys who are living with someone. Benefit from my mistakes and avoids tons of hassles

The Background

I was in a domestic partnership because I don’t believe that I need the state or God to make something holy or special or official. While in that domestic partnership I learned two things:

  1. Marriage/Being Together is a business
  2. Eventually Your bullshit catches up to you

Marriage is a business

marriage is a business  before any of the fun stuff happens the business needs have to be met. This business of marriage has nothing to do with who works more or who works less, who makes more or who makes more or who makes less. Whether you work or not the following has to happen:

  1. Food has to me made
  2. Clothes have to be washed
  3. The Place has to be cleaned (esp the kitchen)
  4. Shit got to be readied for the next day

Cutting Straight to the Point:

Shit has got to be split as equally down the line as equally as possible. No one person can be left to all the chores even if you lady works from home or is unemployed or a stay at home-mom. Trust me on this I have a lot of female friends and  my old lady use to punch me very hard when I got shit wrong 🙂  I got a lot wrong

My grandfather and Sifu told me being a man means being independent. That shit is really real.  lemme show you how this works.


I had three bags of laundry One for me, one for her, one for shit we share together. We went to the laundro-mat together. I washed my clothes she washed her clothes  and whatever else  we had to do. When the close were drying we used to sit in Starbucks and chit-chat. Then we would fold what ever needed to be folded and done !!!! I fucking hate folding clothes but I grinned and beared  it

Look at how this works out. You’ve crossed off talking and chit-chat to her off your list. You have clean clothes, She does feel you left it for her to do. She has more time, you have more time. She does have to nag you , you don’t have to go to BP Amocco at night to chill with homeless dudes. crazies and taxi cab  driver because shit is always poppin off in the house.

The Kitchen

I never got a chance to finish my application for culinary school. I won a scholarship to graduate school. So I make it a point to cook all kinds of shit.  Look at a master at work. Sat or Sun before going to the market I looked what was on sale.  Then I would tell my old lady: Hey what would you like that I can make with this. we set a plan we go buy the stuff together. I usually purposefully embarrass her by singing and dancing in the aisles of the market.  Everything I do I have fun. She punched me a lot but  they were playing my song:

Actually after she hit me once, an old lady who I had helped out finding the right brand of chickpeas  told her: “Let the guy dance, when he gets old he’s not going to want to do anything just lay around the house in his underwear.”

Anyway, when I got home I would cut up the meat for the different dishes I would make. I would Saran wrap  each days  pieces of meat in a Saran wrap and put it in the fridge. I left the next days portion out to marinate.  Then I would do what is called  mise en place. I would cut up the carrot onion, leek, jalapeño, peppers, etc I would use that week.  I did the prep pro-actively Why ? So when it came time for me to cook, its was all assemble. I didn’t have to dirty anything extra.  I would have her to just make the rice. See she contributed, didn’t have to nag. I barely dirtied anything. While I was cooking I’d Ask her to sit with me in the kitchen and tell me about her day and we would talk the talk and bullshit. Sometime we would even have a beer together.  After I used something I washed it but because everything was prepared beforehand it was really small. Check it out

  1. Talking: Done
  2. Cooking: Done
  3. Cleaning up: Done
  4. Drinking a beer together: Done

At this point your fucking Cruising.  You don’t want to not talk. if you do that shit catches up to you all at once. It’s nightmarish receiving a weeks work of talk all on a Sunday afternoon when your stuck and have nowhere to run to.

Some tips:

  1. Go for dishes you can make in one pot
  2. Get a rice cooker
  3. get a dish washer as soon as you can
  4. Get soap that doesnt give you a withered hand
  5. Major Tip: I always had a big pot on the back of the stove with boiling water in it. Once we finished eating and whatever was left to be clean was scraped into the garbage and put in the sink. I pour boiling hot water over everything. First it  clears away whatever grime is left  on the plate. It kills microbes. You don’t have to spend much time scrubbing.

Moral of this Story


This is only the beginning. There is tons more stuff. I should sell this shit. Seriously no one is fucking perfect. I fucked up lots of shit and I’m sure I will again. Big deal!

One week my lady went to visit family in another state and left me in charge of the place. Holy Shit!!! Shit got crazy. I came home from work and found out that my dogs destroyed the fucking place. So much shit to  take care off. I had to say the first couple of nights fuck it and drink beer and not shave (this is how dudes deal with obstacles and disappointment drink beer, don’t give a fuck and don’t shave, Conan grew a beard, said fuck it went on tour, did childish stuff  see  🙂 ). No one should do everything by themselves. Everyone wants to feel included and not like they are being taken advantage.

At some point all your dickish behaviour catches up to you.  Sometimes because of sickness and not being right in my head or working 3 -4 jobs I would come home and collapse and not be good for anything. Other times I was stressed out by bills. It’s never gonna be perfect but  that was no excuse to not show appreciation or do a little something when I had time. Little bit goes a long way. You do a little bit each day and occasionally do some over the top shit. It’s gonna be all kinds of awesome when business is over and it time for the pleasure stuff.  These are some of the things I’ve made when I had my kitchen and mixer and all my equipment.

No bullshit this is MrMary in the Kitchen. I am a chem major guy, cooking and baking is a lot like chemistry I suppose. Check it out. Maybe one day I’ll open up a bakery. I have pictures of other stuff but I have to look for it.

Shout to to Ms UC, MrMary’s got your back

Clafoutis with Apricot


Chocolate Souffle


Creme Brulee ( my mini flame-thrower went out so I tried to use the broiler)


Creme Caramel


Sorry had to fuck around with some music


  1. Wow Mr. Mary I’m speechless, its nice to see a man who can do domestic work around the house. Maybe you could of bitch slapped this guy I use to live with, he had a habit of letting trash pile and pile and pile and pile… For a moment I thought I lived in the cities trash dump. I hated nagging him because I don’t have time to be a nagging pirate whore [ minus the whore part] about the trash.


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