Yesterday I showed some blogger love to the lovely blogger of the So I Went Undercover blog. I read a post of hers The Curse of Eve: Reasons I Hate Being a Woman and it moved me. After I freshened up I decided to write a post about the reasons I hate being a man. Today the ante has been up hmmm, and I read Ms Undercover’s On The Other Hand: Reasons I Love Being a Woman.
It seems that the want to rub a little salt in my wounds was a partial inspiration for Ms Undercover’s post today. Of course since I am the kind of person who on the one hand enjoys being rubbed, and cannot leave well enough alone with the other hand (I’m hygienic) I give you
The Reasons I like Being a Man
DISCLAIMER: This is meant to be a JOKE. You know Ha-Ha funny kinda of joke. If You take this seriously then you just may be a joke.
Side Note: Notice how perspicacious I am, notice the range of my powers of perception. Yesterday I had the feeling that Ms. Undercover was quite the attractive woman. Her post today proves it. Don’t listen to her remarks that her sexy has gone. She’s just being humble.
Reason # 1
A good breeze means so much more when your genitals are on the outside.
Reason # 2
As a man most facial scars and laceration cement my status as a bad boy, or circus performer either way i get chicks.
Reason # 3
In some way shape and form all those toys where you add a little water and watch them grow were originally inspired by you guessed it. A little wetness goes a long way
See reason #3 , as a man I bullshit and exaggerate a lot. It is my bread and butter but I am aware of it, and only in rare cases do I believe the fucking nonsense that I say.
Reason # 5
As a man, I am considered defective in communicating my emotions. I start out with a handicap though I don’t need it. Actually most dudes I know are fucking ignorant, degenerate, goons. I don’t have to do much to stand above the crowd. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. The bar is set really low.
No one wonders if I am easy or tries to ask me vague questions to find out how easily I will give it up, and if I am easy and don’t get AIDS or some random STD I am considered cool for some reason. And as a heterosexual no one has ever said to me “Spit or swallow?”SO much less pressure.
Reason # 7 No Pretending
When a group of men and or women are telling a dirty or saucy joke and I bust into the convo, no one pretends they are really politically correct or stops the convo because I am easily offended. I don’t have to pretend I’m freshening up by turning on the water in the bathroom and dropping a deuce. I don’t have to pretend that 3 lettuce leafs and one piece of bread is a filling breakfast. I don’t have to pretend I like my co-workers and even the co-workers I hate aren’t trying to destroy me
Reason # 8 The best Reason.
As a heterosexual I get to go on dates with women. They appreciate my foot massages skills and my self-taught cooking and pastry skills. They smell nice and can do all the stuff I cannot do (self-fellating puts too much strain on the neck) like wear sexy lingerie, and laugh at my stupid jokes (well I can do that but it’s not as nice). I can write a blog full of non-sense like this blog and have primarily women readers and commenters. I can share difficult episodes of my life, and they send nice emails of encouragement and support when I share painful events where after many years I am unable to shed a tear about.
So for all my female readership this is one of my favorite James Brown songs
- Showing that Blogger Love: Reason I Hate Being a Man (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
- Hi I’m David The site’s Author & A blogger may have been tortured to death in an Iranian jail (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
- MrMary’s 2012 “Have You Been Experienced Blog Tour” || Showing Some Love for My Followers (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
- My Interview w/Ms. Jen&Tonic a recently Freshly Pressed Blogger (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)
- Showing that Blogger Love: Check out The jesscvt Blog (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com)