November 15 was National Bum Smacking Day and so …

Yeah You heard right. I initially thought it was a day when one would go to the nearest OTB (Off Track Betting) and smack the nearest drunkest smelliest bum/vagrant/rapscallion/reprobate/miscreant/dullard/ into sobriety or reality but that was not the case.

Did any of you know about this ? Chances are if you did know about this you may have a sexual harassment suit on your hands. There are many days like this that I no longer since college indulge in Whip It Out Wednesday, Meat-Me Mondays,  Fill-Me Fridays etc. and the list goes on. These kind of things stopped being fun outside of the drunken meet-ups and bullshit parties of undergrad.   Why? well its hard to move ahead in one’s career with lawsuits, molestation, and public indecency charges ask George Michaels. It’ s just as hard to settle down.

Btw did you know I had a girl Google me before a date asking me all kinds of shit while we were eating under the pretense that “you can’t be too careful nowadays and that people are crazy.” That was the second worse date ever right after this one chick telling me about her baby’s father “Noah” and his sexual problem and inability to pay child support. Actually maybe the worse date was the one with this chick telling me about her abortion and how she wants to live better and do things right and i seem like a stand-up kinda guy. Ok I digress

 So In honor of Bum slapping day I want to issue my consent for all the ladies to officially if the inspiration hits you, and I happen to be in your area ( town/city/village I mean if I was in your area you wouldn’t have the where-with-all to well…) you can feel free to smack my arse, I wont call the cops or file harassment charges I might even buy you a drink. However I should warn you, you may hurt your hand as I works out. See free benefits just being being a woman reader of my blog. I also wanted to tell you a funny hysterical story about bum-slapping told to me about my friend and for a time work out partner. I think this story can teach us all a vital lesson. So without further ado.

The Story

My friend ‘Marc’, met some girl on-line and they had been going back and forth with the email.  They seemed to be very compatible sexually and that’s it. They both knew this and like most people in their 20’s at the time, decided to meet for some sexy time. ( This story sounds much better in slang to be honest). So they meet up and during the course of their organ grinding session the chic ask my friends to slap her ass. Being a cool guy he complies. However the chic doesn’t find the intensity of the slap to her liking and she turns to my friend and says and I quote: ” What the fuck was that you hit like a lil bitch”

Technically ladies if a man has younger sisters and has, like I have for my sister, taken care of them and threatened to beat up guys for them, it may be difficult  for said dude to comply with  certain requests. In such situations it is important to access the situation before calling a dude a lil bitch.

So anyways my friend, like myself, doesn’t accept to be called a lil bitch by anyone. (It’s a Brooklyn thing)  He digs deep to summon the totality of his strength. He draws on all the workout we have done together, all the 45 lbs plates lifted, our martial arts experience sand delivers a slap/smack that could have ended WW2 in the Pacific without the atomic bombs. She had trouble sitting down for a good day and half.

I wont go into the jokes I told after hearing this or any more of this story, because clearly I have suddenly realize that it pays for a blog to have standards and  for me to be a consummate gentleman.  So that’s the story.

Enjoy Your Friday



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