Of the thousands of bloggers who continue to feed the capitalistic machinations of WordPress, only a few are chosen for the distinct honor of being Freshly Pressed. While my writing has never won me the honor of being Freshly Pressed, my imaginative sexual advances have won me a few moments with the unusually tantalizing Jen, the author of the recently Freshly Pressed Blog Sips of Jen and Tonic. This interview is part of an ongoing study I am conducting . I am trying to see to what extent does being FreshlyPressed changes someone. This first interview takes place a few days after Jen has been Freshly Pressed. Enjoy
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Question 1: How does it feel to Be freshly Pressed ? When I think of Freshly Pressed I am brought back to the Massengil and Summer’s Eve commercials of my Youth. Do you feel bathed by the waves of cleanliness and titillated by the delicate aromas of the country flower designed formula ?
Each morning I would look in the mirror, and say, “Jen, you’ve got this. You are the queen of WordPress.” My cats used to scoff at me, taunting me with their judgmental eyes and exposed buttholes. The day I got Freshly Pressed I put my computer on the ground and said, “What? Ain’t got nothin’ to say now, do you? Meow Mix Muthafuckas.”
Bonus Question: Complete this verse from OutKast Hit So fresh and So Clean
Verse: Don’t you think I’m so sexy I’m…….I’m not going to finish that lyric because I want all the emphasis to be on my sexiness. Also, it shouldn’t be in the form of a question. It should say, “You obviously think I’m so sexy I’m…”
Question 2: Now that you’re Freshly Pressed, how will you use your celebrity to help out the disenfranchised bloggers around the blogosphere just outside the circle jerk of fame and notoriety ?
Right now I’m working on putting together a blogging workshop called “Jen and Tonic: How to Become a Blogging Superhero In 10 Easy Steps.” I don’t want to give too much away, but in Chapter 1 I talk about how I maintain my pancake ass while writing posts only my mom finds funny.
Question 3: What are your new Goals now? I’m sure after the partying, drinking music making (if your like me sucking and blowing…. uhm on the harmonica) you will have a moment where you stop and think what’s next ? If you need an acoustic accompaniment I will be happy to play along in the key of C or G if your playing cross harp.
My goals are: find out the one thing Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love, get David Hasselhoff to tweet me back, and to have Charlie Sheen make good on his bet that I’d never be Freshly Pressed by making him take me out for a glass of Tiger’s Blood. Oh, and to buy myself a monogrammed Snuggie because I like to keep it classy.
Question 4: Ok serious now, All the joking aside: What do you feel helped you get freshly pressed. So far I have sent all the judges cock shots but the lighting is bad and everyone thinks they got a picture of Carvel‘s Fudgie the whale ice cream cake
There’s a blow hole joke in there, I just know it. The key to getting Freshly Pressed, in my opinion, is to surround yourself with other bloggers. Not only will it help you gain visibility, but you’ll meet people who push you to write better material. Oh, and do some simple proofreading. If your posts read like an intoxicated monkey wrote it, it’s not going to happen no matter how enticing your content is.
Question 5: Who are some people you would like to see get freshly pressed? and Can you every look at a Fudgie the whale Cake the same again?
I have never wanted a Fudgie the Whale cake as much as I do right now. This is cheating since I’m pretty sure she has already received this honor, but I want every single one of Speaker7’s posts to be Freshly Pressed. She is my favorite blogger, and I have such a huge crush on her that I’d be her future ex-wife if she asked me.
Question 6: What is the greatest thing about your audience ? My audience laughs at my jokes and makes me feel better about myself. They have helped me deal with my chronic masturbation problem…uhm sorry I think that was too much information.
Your audience discourages you from doing that? Mine encourages me! My favorite thing about my audience is that they’re all funnier than I am. And smarter. And cooler. And better-looking. Honestly, I love each of my Hooked on Tonics. I feel like they’re all really good people.
Question 7: Finally if I was Santa claus and you had to sit on my lap for a wish what would you ask me for
For you to scoot a bit to the left because your boner is poking me.
Conclusions
In my interactions with Jen, she has proven to be very nice and witty. She was also very forgiving and looked past all my mental issues and pedantic sense of humor, to respond to these questions. She is quite fun and funny and you can’t go wrong with an alcohol reference as your blog name. Check out her blog and follow her . Thank her for her time and patience with me 🙂
Home Page: Sips of Jen and Tonic, About Page: About J & T, New Project: NanowriNO
Thanks Jen for those delicious Sips 🙂
Mr.Mary
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Reblogged this on Sips of Jen and Tonic and commented:
Mr. Mary over at A Spoonful of Suga invited me to do a post-Freshly Pressed interview with him. I think this means we’re sorta kinda dating now, so go check it out!
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Cool interview! You are so fabulous™. When are the blogger paparazzi coming after you? I mean besides Mr. Poppins here. By the way, even cooler to have one blog friend interviewed by another blog friend.
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I’ll never look at Santa the same way again…
Thanks for this! It was fun 🙂
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This was all kinds of awesome thanks for your time Jen and thank for the Tonic, There is a pep in my step today
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I just noticed you left off question #5! Now Speaker7 will never know my love for her. I see what you’re doing here, trying to keep me all to yourself.
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I didnt notice, lemme correct it now
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Great post! And Jen, I think your new goals are lofty, indeed. It’s always good to aim for worthy aspirations, especially when Meatloaf, Hasselhoff, and Sheen are involved…
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I think if Meatloaf, Hasselhoff and Sheen were in the same room, the world would explode.
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What DIDN’T Meatloaf do for love? What???
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have a serious career, Endorse Barack Obama, Shave the hair off his back, stay relevant etc
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Ha! The literal video for his song on youtube is pretty funny, though.
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Love me some Tonic! Great interview!
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How sweet it is I had a blast doing this with Jen :-), she is very gracious and liberal with her tonic !!!!
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You’re always welcome to take a sip! That sounds wrong…
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jen is amazeballs. momma is now reading, mr fancy. wait, mr. mary. it’s your blog that is fancy. much love, mother
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Thanks for the love Mama, Its nice to meet you and see you hear 🙂 Jen is truly all kids of awesome 🙂
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If I’M amazeballs, that must mean you’re TOTES amazeballs. Maybe the highest honor that has ever been awarded.
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A very fun and hilarious interview. 🙂 I love it. 🙂
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Thanks Dani Im glad you liked it, Hugs 🙂
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Glad you liked it Dani!
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I could help with the blow hole jokes.
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I was dying of laughter while I composed these questions lols. I had a whole slew og blow hole jokes but I thought that would be too much.
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No such thing my friend ;).
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Awesome can I commission a post full of blow-hole jokes from you ?
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YES PLEASE.
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That’s my girl!
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I don’t mean to get all Kanye on this… But, this is the best interview I have ever read.
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Thanks you Sweet Vicious. Its a pleasure to see you and your good-looks around these parts 🙂
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‘Yo Lindsay Lohan I’m really happy for you, I’m going to let you finish, but Jen had one of the best interviews of all time.’
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I am a big fan of Jen and David Hasselhoff so this is the greatest interview on earth.
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I would love to get drunk with Jen and David Hasselhoff and eat cheeseburgers inappropriately dressed on a hotel floor
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I would love that too
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Having my name in the same sentence with David Hasselhoff is a “die happy” moment.
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Jen, beware. I bought one of those damn Snuggie things once…for my kids…because they wanted it. It was the leopard-print kind. Then they fought over it so much that I ended up shredding it to pieces with a pair of garden shears. i was THAT bloody mad. Don’t waste your money, unless you plan to keep it all to yourself. Then it might be worth it. They are pretty warm.
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Jen can always use me to keep warm 🙂 … I can build a great fire 😛
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Sounds like you guys needed a couple’s snuggie! http://amazingproducts.tv/couples-snuggie.html
Also, I would have paid money to watch you go apeshit on a snuggie.
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Pure drollery–start to finish. And so well-done. (mom) 😉
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I had no idea what drollery meant (obviously I’m well-educated) and when I looked it up I fell in love with you.
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Thanks for the compliment, drollery is my answer to the absurdity of daily life, it’s been so far the best defense against a percocet addiction and the banality of a human existence 🙂
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Mr M…
I think the only thing you left out of this fine interview with La Tonica may have been a question about her deft use (and memorization) of The Urban Dictionary in blog (and everyday) life. A BONUS bonus question (Ha! I just said “bone” twice!) might be, “So Ms. Tonic… when did you begin your campaign to legitimize the public use of The Urban Dictionary, and how many entries in it are YOURS?!!”
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This man is batshit crazy, don’t listen to a word he says.
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urban Dictionary you say, you’ve come to the right place, it would be as if you too a steam powers train to Cleveland, choo choo 🙂 Tell me more about this fixation of yours
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Thanks for the tip, I didnt know how wild La Tonica could get, now next time we meet I’m bringing out all my crunk music 🙂 I hope you are in the meanwhile doing well my good Sir?
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You’ve done a wonderful job of complementing the funny and showing this incredible lady in pretty much her best light. Well done to you, well done to the incredibly lovely Jen.
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AWWWWWW, thank you Ruby! I think I had way too much fun doing this.
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This is one cool interview. I am still filled with the Sads that Hugo did not submit to my interview. Maybe if I tried interviewing someone who wasn’t a creepy, bald puppet?
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I offer myself to you to be interviewed as part of this thing I’m doing that I will post about tomorrow. I dont think myself to be a creepy bald headed puppet but maybe Im wrong
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Just creepy and bald?
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Maybe a bit of psoriasis tooo ? the kind that laughs in the face of Seltsin Blue or head and shoulders
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puppets are good they are a good medium to bring up all things anal in sex education, or so Ive been told by someone from behind the scenes on Sesame street
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[…] My Interview w/Ms. Jen&Tonic a recently Freshly Pressed Blogger (aspoonfulofsuga.wordpress.com) […]
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I love this interview because any answer could go with any question.
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Your perspicacity is always refreshing thanks for the comment !
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Great interview, I enjoyed that.
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