Jocular Look @ Today’s News || We’re guessing five days with a dildo in your intestines sucks


If you’re considering spicing up your sex life with a partner, you probably need to read this first. A Chinese man who attempted to enhance his bedroom experience with his wife, was left with a dildo stuck in his intestines for five days. Doctors at the Zhongshan Hospital in Shanghai removed the nine-inch-long and three-inch-wide sex toy from the (unsurprisingly) unnamed 30-year-old man’s intestines using an endoscope. “If we did not remove the dildo in time, the man could have gone into a critical condition,” hospital doctor Yao Liqing said. “Doctors were astonished to see such a big item taken out of the patient’s body.” We guess the poor guy will stick to safe sex in the future. [Source]

Mr Mary Weighs IN

The closest I came to anal cudgeling was the prostate exam at my general practitioner‘s office. I am not well versed in this area of scientific endeavor. I say scientific because usually there is some trial and error some hypothesis testing involved before taking it deep. Yet  five days later doctors were astonished to see such a big item taken out of the patient’s body, being that it had caused enough damage to the man’s lower intestine for them to consider surgery.

Who’s to Blame

From my experience with my  prostate exam I realized two things:

  1. I should switch my current primary care physician for a female one, that way next year when I get my prostate checked. That way my subsequent erection would be an ice breaker for a good conversation as oppose to  an impromptu scene from Ancient Greece.  Maybe then if she is hot I can treat her to dinner? It’d be the best date ever!  She would already known whats she is getting into, literally and figuratively.
  2. His wife is fucked up. A man needs a partner, a team-mate just to get  his prostate checked. To shove a 9 incher  so far up his ass that he might need surgery, I imagine he would need a sadist or an executioner. She must have been mad at him, and in his shame he waited 5 days before going to the hospital.

His Silent Agony

  • He would not be able to do crunches. Don’t believe me try this – east a lot of prunes and then take a 20 min warm up jog and try to work out.
  • For 5 days he could not drop a deuce in the in the bathroom, that’s means for 5 days he could not each any cabbage based products, read newspapers, or reconnect with his inner goddess after having a nice aromatherapy bath. BTW if you are a man walking through life with that much pseudo man-meat inside you, life has just raped your inner god.
  • I’m sure random acts start it vibrating again.  Which would be odd if you are using public transportation or sitting near people.
  • Can’t run for anything or carry anything to heavy
  • I’m sure the dude couldn’t squat it probably reminded him how he got into this mess anyways

Conclusion

Telling people to carefully read the label on their sex toys is not going to do anything. It took concerted effort, planning, misplaced enthusiasm and wanting to make a statement. No wen this guys goes to the gym and tells his buddies his wife fucked him over she whip out the X-Ray to prove it. If he has any American friends he will never be able go to Thanksgiving dinner and listen to conversations about turkeys getting stuffed.

 

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