Jocular Look @ Today’s New || Impatient nation will soon be able to drink hot coffee before it cools

Impatient eaters worldwide know nothing is worse than scalding your tongue on hot food, a phenomenon sometimes known as “ouch mouth” or “fat man’s papercut.” Now, at long last a hero has emerged who wants to actually do something about it: Jason McConville, the lead researcher who is helping to develop a quick-dissolving pain relief strip that looks and behaves like the breath-freshening strips we always mean to buy at drug stores but then just buy gum instead. The nontoxic strips, should they be approved after a final round of testing, will adhere to burns in your mouth and dissolve for instant pain relief and faster healing. A grateful nation gives thanks. [Source]

MrMary Weighs In (The Jocular Part)

I just happened to be listening to No Doubt‘s Dont Speak and the lyrics seem to be pertinent:

Don’t speak 
I know what you’re thinking 
I don’t need your reasons 
Don’t tell me cause it hurts

Burning your mouth on hot stuff hurts a lot but if your dumb enough to be overly impatient you deserve it !!!

So let me get this straight, you can put this strips in your mouth on top of the burn in your mouth so you can get instant relief and start chugging your amazingly hot drink faster? before  I even get into it, let me say this is going to be a bad idea Why? well because every technology gets misappropriated for some nefarious  use. Case and point college student who are too classy for butt chugging soak tampons in vodka and insert into themselves to get drunk faster and quicker. Aside this being a great prelude for a horny vampire who can;t get laid joke this is just the beginning of a horrible trend.

Here are 2 way this will be used that may or may not be a good thing

  • Number 1:  The Strips will be put all over the mouth and tongue prior to cunnilingus. While initially this seems to be a blessing for the feminism, this kind of practice  will in the long run discourage shaving practices. There will be higher instances of men and women  going to hospital to get hair balls removed from their stomach like this 4lb monster removed from the stomach of on girl (Read about it here)
  • Number 2:  Overly Drugged up. Feel sluggish but some strips in your mouth and down 16 oz of coffee like a boss. If you didnt worry about pain what would moderate your coffee intact?
  • Bonus: Stamp licking craze will over take the many nations (see reason number 1)


You know what this reminds me of? D-IX

D-IX was a cocaine-based experimental drug cocktail developed by the Nazis in 1944 for military application. Nazi doctors found that equipment-laden test subjects who had taken the drug could march 55 miles without resting before they collapsed.  The researcher who uncovered the project, Wolf Kemper, said: “The aim was to use D-IX to redefine the limits of human endurance.” Nazi doctors were enthusiastic about the results, and planned to supply all German troops with the pills, but the war ended before D-IX could be put into mass production,

Think about it How many of us are happy with our lives ? We need to take copious amounts of stimulants  every day just to get us through our day. How interesting must our jobs be for us to bee hooked on a stimulant  to get through our day ?

Coffee consumption tracks strong and steady, according to the National Coffee Association’s (NCA) National Coffee Drinking Trends, with sales data suggesting a solid footing for future growth. Rebounding youth consumption, strong gourmet allegiance and expanding formats appear to bode well for the category.

I have one co-worker that easily drinks 32oz of coffee a day to get through work. She has one cup in the morning when she wakes up, another cup when she gets to work, one cup an hour or two after lunch when she feels sleepy. Sometimes an ice coffee to relax. You should see her bug-eyed all over the place. She is a great worker but she is also spiritually dead.

Historical Precedent

There is a historical precedent that influences this trend and behavior  I think the Banana Wars and the Banana republics in Latin America. Oh maybe you didn’t know about that ? Here is something to let you know.

As a term of critique, a banana republic describes a country whose government is primarily concerned with economics benefiting a colonial or corporate power, rather than values of democracy and social welfare. Specifically, “bananaland,” or “banana republic” was coined to refer to Central and South American dictatorships by the US set up for the purpose of foreign exploitation of natural resources such as agricultural crops.


Are people being exploited in some parts of the world so that you can can drugged yourself to work longer hours for lesser pay and find yourself in a society less and less capable for providing for you mentally , physically, and financially? Probably not especially since last week there was a big shortage on pumpkin pie spice latte at Starbucks.

Politics are not that insidious we are all free 🙂 and whats more important is that hispters everyone are going to celebrate they can burn themselves and look more miserable drinking more of their second favorite beverage after Pabst.

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