It has been a momentousness few days. The news of my entrance into Tyra Bank’s America’s Next Top Blogger Idol 2012 has gone forth out into the world. There is a levity to life now, and I’m certain you’ve felt it. Maybe today when you looked into the mirror there wasn’t that sense of malaise. Perhaps it only took 36oz instead of your 64oz of coffee (and your 2 prescription anti-depressants) to get through your workday. How my splendor has manifested itself in your life is besides the point. What you should note is that hope has been stirred in the hearts and minds of men and women, regardless of race, age, sex, gender, or religious creed. My regal brilliance illuminates the blogosphere from the dark recess of its immoral excesses to the heights of its philanthropic endeavor.
Lately now when I hold court with my faithful imaginary friends and five loyal readers, I have received a question quite frequently, namely “What will I do if listed as part of Blogger Idols 13 finalist or if I am the Blogger Idol for 2012. I thought for the sake of time I would issue this statement:
I have asked all of you to show your love for me by not supporting me in the Blogger Idol 2012 competition and seeing what has transpired over the last few days, I know without a doubt I am the most beloved person on the internet. Is this not a prize in and of itself, to have such silent outpouring of love and good will? How could I then ask for anything more? What awards or crown or accolade could be given me that would sit better on my head than that of the love of a people ?
If you were to present me with kingly and worldly honors I would have to refuse for you see, I have been cleansed of the stain of ambition through copious amount of lackluster therapy, Paxil, and boxes of shortbread cookies now on . (Also I am currently being audited by the IRS and can only accept your gifts if you file proper documentation.)
So then having been given the mandate from you the people, I propose something else, some thing better than servile award giving. I offer you gifts; tokens of my love and appreciation for you whoever and wherever you are.
You may not know this but, between a person so well loved and his people there is this constant push and pull between us. You shower me with your love by continuing to do nothing for me and I in turn shower you with my splendor, wit and now merchandise which will soon be available for purchase. These trinkets, these token of my love will protect from forces of mass mediocrity, ennui, anxiety and of course blandness in every sense of the word.
So then my dears let us leave ambition to the ambitious. Let us continue to do nothing and carry on as we have always carried on. In a few days my heralds will unleash upon the internet, a catalogue of my gifts for you, of thanks for your lack of support.
As always with Love