My day of birth isn’t too far from the British Enlightened Despot just who wont die, so I feel that I should warn her. Yes I am talking about the Queen of England, you may have heard of her. She is rich and has a chauffeured Bentley. But she made the mistake the other day of taking the wheel of her car and a driving a Range Rover with a hoodie on.

If I had saw her cruising down Queens Blvd I would have immediately alerted the police: Old woman who clearly displays the signs of Alzheimer’s or maybe an old women who has used her imposing oldness to steal a car is taking a joy ride because it just may be the last time she might ever do so. She also may be high on a dangerous cocktail of shortbread cookies and heroin. But even if all that were true she would have nothing to fear from George Zimmerman even if she was eating skittles and listening (with the bass cranked up high) to the bombastic Jay-Z ft. DMX song: Money, Cash, Hoes.

Being a Bit Silly

Obviously I am being a bit silly. No one would ever pull a Queen over, unless there was a fight outside a gay club or you’re Eddie Murphy or a tranny drag 80’s lip synching place. Everyone will recognize this shriveled up person as old as time itself all over the world and she of course, has a security detail. But I thought to myself if there was a black queen how would it look? I don’t mean Mary J Blige, the Queen of R&B and Hip Hop, or Oprah who is the Queen of, well I wont say it. I’m talking about actually African royalty. Screw the Queen what does African Royalty look like ?

Quick Note: I picked African Royalty because I could not think of an Latin-American King (other than this member of the Latino Kings gang I came across one day). Also the royalty indigenous to some middle eastern countries are very different because of the vast reserves of oil they sit atop. I didn’t use an example of Asian royalty because well I am big fan of the Ming Dynasty, “one of the greatest eras of orderly government and social stability in human history” and would be quite biased. Since I know nothing about Africa it was my best choice.

Is There any Actual African Royalty Left ?

This was a difficult task to find an African Queen, imperialism and colonialism kind of fucked with things but thanks to Google I lucked out with Princess Sikhanyiso of Swaziland. (Yea she isnt a queen but she will serve my purposes nicely for this blog post) What can be said about her royal highness princess of the “Swaz”.

Tale of the Tape

She’s an actress

She’s a rapper

She’s an Evangelist

She’s a Rebel

She’s listed on Forbes 2008 “Hottest young royals.”

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Spinning the Truth

I wonder again if she was wearing a hoodie and driving a range rover would she be pulled over by cops, or shot by another would-be George Zimmerman. I also wonder if she is she was pulled over and subsequently told the cops she is a princess from Swaziland how badly would they beat or assault her. (By the way you may not know it but black Women are beat down by the police too check the side note section below). Here is how it would look like in the news:

BREAKING NEWS : A few nights in a VIP suite in the trendiest of Las Vegas hotels? Thousands of dollars. A few minutes of video showing Princess Sikhanyiso romping naked in that VIP suite? You got it—priceless. Video footage featuring the rowdy royal in the buff—let alone engaging in sexual activity—could fetch millions, according to Vivid Entertainment founder Steven Hirsch, who has both fielded more than a few offers to buy amateur movies featuring, er, big-time talent and offered big bucks to celebs to appear in Vivid films. But as if that wasn’t bad enough, more bad news is headed for the royal family as just weeks after the Vegas incident. Princess Sikhanyiso was arrested by the NYPD for what seemed like DIU. We will keep you abreast of up to the minute developments as this story progresses.

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Princess and Father at some party. Columbia University anthropologist are studying this picture to try to gather clues about the state mind when she entered the USA.

UPDATE: Princess Sikhanyiso has found herself in more hot water, nude photos of her nude have been leaked online. This may further hurt her reputation after the DUI arrest.

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UPDATE: Mayor Bloomberg has issued the following statement: “This is a very tense and sensitive diplomatic affair; know that my office, and the NYPD and its civil servants are treating this case with the appropriate respect and sensitivity for the family of the police officers involved. At this time no official statements have been issued by any party, concerning the police officers who were injured during the DUI arrest and subsequent altercation that took place.”

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Beat so bad she looks like a whole other person although black people all look alike.

UPDATE: New evidence has surface that the Princess Sikhanyiso fit the description of a dangerous drug addict who has been terrorizing NYC with violent and lewd acts. Based on an uncanny resemblence to a black women somewhere between 4’11 and 7’2 weight anywhere from 100 -300 lbs, the police officers made every effort to follow protocol for the apprehension of dangerous individuals. They approached the vehicle with caution. Upon hearing from the Princess (still in ICU) that she was in fact a princess as she was reaching for the glove department, police officers proceeded to rip her from the car and beat her down. Her security team is being held for questioning concerning some drugs and or some foul-play involved. Until further evidence is released rumors of a NYPD cover up is being scoffed at and ignored.

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UPDATE: Princess was photographed walking out of the hospital on her own accord. She is still silent about the events which transpired on the night of her DUI. The NYPD is still silent on allegation of racial profiling and use of excessive force. Officers involved in the altercation have not been placed on probation. No disciplinary measures have been taken. Reports are in that they still haven’t looked up Swaziland on Google to find out where it is. They still hold on to their believe that Swaziland is the ‘street’ name of a series of public housing complexes in Northern NJ where the most abrasive and violent of drug users frequent.

Closing Thoughts

Did you see what I did there? I took basically one article and replaced Prince Harry with Princess Sikhanyiso. I took your typical celebrity “leaked” nude article. A typical response by the NYPD (well to me) to allegations of police brutality and violence and the typical post scandal drivel you read or hear about. Anyways I don’t want to say too much about this, it was fun writing this.

Side note

This was taken from the blog Womanist Musing in particular a post entitled:Black Women Get Beat By The Police Too . It was posted in 2009 but is still relevant:

When we think of police violence we think of black men however, black women are routinely beaten and attacked when they are forced to interact with the justice department. When Kathryn Johnston was sitting peacefully in her home and the police stormed in with a trumped up no knock warrant it cost her, her life. This 92 year old grandmother died from 6 bullets.

Dymond Millburn was in her own backyard when undercover officers supposedly confused her with a white prostitute and physically assaulted her. Their confusion was justified because she happened to be wearing short shorts at the time of the incident. In defending themselves they attempted to slut shame her and many participated convinced in their belief that all black women are deserving of such treatment.

Duanna Johnson was sitting in an airport minding her own business when she was physically assaulted by two white police officers. They struck her repeatedly in the head and referred to as a he/she and it. Before she was murdered she filed a lawsuit against the Memphis PD that resulted in two of their officers being fired.