A bit messed up by a murder in NYC

I have come to feel over the years that we are de-sensitised to how violent sometimes living is because of how the new media consistently focuses on negativity. everyday we are assaulted by the same stories of violence, corruption, inequality. Yet I was surprised to see how much I was affected by  a murder that took place a few days ago. The murderer had a history of mental illness, but what really got me was that he went to the same high school I did and was part of the my graduating class. Its been on my mind and I have talked to my friends about it and it really added a weight to the last day or two.

the reality

I didn’t know what to say or do. I remember seeing him in the lunch room sitting by himself. Many of us felt he was weird and strange feeling about him. He wasn’t in any of my classes so if and when I saw him was in passing.  I was talking to one of my friends about it who is about to be a new father in Sept. We both had no words for it. When we talked we said and asked the following questions

  1. Murder is wrong and it is a horrible tragedy
  2. We cant believe this kid was capable of doing something like that
  3. How much do we all know ourselves really ? What causes someone to snap ?

I’ve been just really shaken up by this event and I dont know why. There is nothing to make sense of I didn’t know the kid and the victim etc. I’m just really in some way a bit messed up.

I just thought from the normal crap I put out it be nice to put something real out



  1. It is something interesting to ponder. what makes one snap?? My son had been abused by a guy who never abused a child before…and months after the abuse was uncovered… he held guns to peoples heads as he robbed banks. What made him change into that person?
    It is a trip… generates a-lot of self reflection.


  2. I don’t know if your regular stuff is any less real, but this certainly cuts deeper than most. I’ve had an experience that was similar (and of course, every experience being unique, it was also extremely dissimilar), and I think I can understand a little bit where your coming from.

    It seems like such a prosaic thing to say, but this post was quite good.


    • Smaktakula

      I love ya blog, its really nice to see a comment from you. So many times I always fear that I am not being heard behind the jokes and the silliness, I really appreciate the comment to say the least. I have just been really shaken up. Nothing about this dude said I am killer, the more details i hear about it in the news the more I feel how disenfranchise we are or can be from an experience of what binds us together as human beings despite our unique individual idiosyncracies and propensities


  3. I know what you mean. Someone I went to school years ago with is on Death Row. My cousin almost got shot today working in a bank by some crazy dude who pulled into a branch and started randomly shooting.. And I don’t live in NY. I like in South Carolina, what’s supposed to be the Bible Belt. It’s happening all over. And it sucks. The world has gone crazy,


    • its really hurts/stings/feels crappy. I don’t understand it and I really do feel that the world has gone crazy. It bothers me a lot the violence and willful ignorance and desensitization to so many ills. I can just shake my head for now trying to take care of myself i suppose and those close to me


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