Debunking a Popular Myth: The Girl Next door

There is to me nothing more ridiculous than the phrase the girl next door. The time has come for this myth to be debunked. Luckily I am just the negro to do just that. First I will talk about the girl next door, give you some cool information then I will set the records straight

Who is the Girl Next Door

The stereotype of the girl next door or the All-American girl is invoked in American contexts to indicate wholesome, unassuming femininity. During World War II, American propaganda often invoked her as the symbol of all things American. She is wholesome, naturally pretty, more demure female who we’ve come to know as “the girl next door.” Somehow she embodies all of our more mature and tamer instincts: marriage, children and tender companionship. The main difference in our thinking is that her qualities are just as important to us as her looks.

Girl Next Door Qualities

There are so many characteristics of the girl-next-door type that qualify as “good” or virtuous. These are things we’ve come to look for in a woman, which earn the respect of our male sensitive side.

  1. She’s a homebody. She cooks, cleans and is not afraid of being at home, helping out with chores.
  2. She’s nurturing and sweet. She’s understanding of your needs and is willing to take care of you when you’re sick.
  3. She doesn’t attract attention. She’s “under the radar,” so to speak. Guys won’t hit on her everywhere you go; not because she’s unattractive, but because she prefers to remain low-key, both in her appearance and her attitude. 
  4. She’s predictable and safe. What you see is what you get. You’ll always know where you stand with her.
  5. She’s low maintenance.
  6. She has family values.
  7. She has a good personality.  She is easygoing and able to joke around with you about all kinds of topics

The Girls/Women who lived next door to me:

The Reality

When I hear the phrase the girl next door I ask myself who’s fucking neighborhood ? I lived in some neighborhood thats were minority neighborhoods, the girls next to me have been

  • a drug addict with string of crazy people coming into and out of her apartment
  • Immigrants from a Latin American Country working 100 hours a week to send money home,
  • Has an abusive ex who came around sometimes to take money from her and hit her
  • A young and aspiring Santeria priestess
  • A hardened criminal

And the list can fucking go on.  Whenever I think of that phrase i think that definitely not my fucking neighborhood. I frankly  don’t think the girl next door exists here is my proof.

Exhibit 1: Examples of Girls Next Door

Every time I ask someone to give me an example of the girl next door they name a fictitious character in a movie. Check this out from Wikipedia:

Amy Rose in Sonic the Hedgehog – A fucking Cartoon hedgehog


Marilyn Monroe in Love Nest
–   She was a whore who blew the president &  leased out that gapping hole she called a vagina to the highest bidder


Britney Spears in her “Sometimes” video

– uhm do I need to say anything or should I post  to her many beaver photos

Exhibit 2: History

With the qualities listed about its clear that this is some too good to be true shit.  I have yet to meet a guy who wants a girl who is safe predictable and doesn’t make other guys a little envious when  you are out together.  Also to repeat during World War II, American propaganda often invoked the girl next door as the symbol of all things American.  Human beings aren’t symbols they draw inspiration from symbols. Plus the girl next door thing started out in literature:

Both gender examples of the “Next Door” archetype are quintessentially addressed with Thornton Wilder’s Our Town in the characters of Emily Webb and George Gibbs or in Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer series within the characters of Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher.

Conclusion – most serious evidence

This is based on my real life observation. What I learned from the lady drug (crack) addicted next door is that if people actually use the phrase to decribe a real person, not a character in some film or cartoon or book, that person is prolly selling pussy. The girl next door is  fictitious when it is used to refer to s style of dress, movie/cartoon/literary reference but if it is used for an actually person she is a whore and all the nice-ness is for show.



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  1. Hey! I have everything covered except for #1 and #3. Also, I’m unsure of what #6 entails…wanting kids? If that’s the case, I don’t have that either. But I will be nice and let you win at Halo if you’ve been having a bad day at work.


    • Thanks for your comments today they made my morning. You know I had completely forgotten about the posts, you commented onoh the nostalgia and how they bring me back. You are in a class all by your own and to try to have you fit into this generalized schema would be a travesty indeed. You remind me of Robert Grave definition of a muse with some modifications Anyways With that said not having #1 and #3 Im sure is perfectly fine. I dunno what family values implies, maybe being good around familys in restaurant or good with thr family of your significant other. I dunno really.
      Are you really that good in Halo ? You sound like you could have schools all thsoe dudes playing in the bungie booth at the E3 conferences back in the day.


      • Glad you liked my comments!

        And no…I’m not *that* good at Halo. After all, the Bungie people beat the frickin’ Penny Arcade guys in 3 consecutive rounds when they had a private match. I would stand no chance!


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