Things You should do in a NYC HeatWave

(Reported today from the Gothamist)

High pressure over the Southeast will bring us really close to that record this afternoon. Not only will this heat be miserably humid, but the air quality is going to take a nose dive as ozone concentrations build during the day. To top it all off the summer solstice occurs at 7:09 this evening. A repeat of the heat, humidity and gunky air is expected for the first full day of summer tomorrow. There’s a good chance the record high of 97 degrees last set in 1988 will be broken. Although Friday’s high will again reach the 90s, that should be the last of the heat wave.

I said to myself, MrMary why not list some things you should do in a NYC heatwave. It would be my public service announcement and a way of giving back So here it is.

Things You Should do in a NYC HeatWave

As this is NYC – a city known for its attitude and prolific use of expletives – Go Fuck Yourself.

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It’s legal for woman to be topless anywhere a guy can be without a shirt since 1992 here in New York State. So everyone go topless. International Go Topless Day is August 26. It’s still not legal thought thank god to go completely nude in public. although I have done so  drunk. Check out last August 26 here.

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It gets super Hott in the subways it on average 10 degrees hotter than outside and much more humid due to the number of people

Ride the Mutha Fucking Hot Sweaty Subways, which reminds me of the Inferno, raining putrefaction and other things

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Listen to this and say “Azucar” at random times during the day

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The French 75 – Brandy/Cognac, Simple Syrup and Lemon Juice shaken over ice pour in champagne glass topped off with champagne & garnished with lemon peel

The Snake Bite, AKA the Wife beater Beer and Cider Cocktail made with Stella Artois and Hard Cider (pear in this case)

Contact me and if your cool I will make you a  refreshing  drink or crack open some of the good stuff I have stashed

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Wear thongs to go sunbathing in inappropriate places like parks, family beaches, everywhere but a nudist beach or more provocative places like your best friend’s moms house because she is easy according to the writing on this bathroom stall

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This public Service announcement was brought to you in part by the letter D for DoucheBaggery.