Seafood Can Bring You Back to that Place


and by ‘that place’ I mean behind the dumpster in the teacher parking lot during Senior free Period in Highschool because she had 5 minutes or less to kill too. Anyways here it comes  get ready for the headline:

Seafood Dinner Leaves Woman with a Mouthful of Squid Sperm

I know what your thinking, when he paid for the dinner she should have known what was coming next. While I have to agree with you on principle as someone who has paid for many dinners without having the gestured reciprocated literally or figuratively with my man-meat based steak dinner (The two veg are always on me) I must point out that this woman in Korea wasn’t on a date. Turns out she was eating a partially cooked squid.

I have done some detective work and pieced together the events of the night.The Squid got hot and bothered in that warm bath (many men can relate to this feeling). I’m sure after all that time surround by great herbal aromas, warm water, and some oily viscous lubricant in a pinch, the squid felt he was in heaven and like many dudes discover early on in puberty he died a little inside, her mouth that is. Ah la Petite Mort ! Unfortunately after being hot and bothered so long  his stamina was shot.

The Hard , Pre Flaccid Facts

The unidentified woman reportedly experienced a “pricking and foreign-body sensation” while she chewed and spat the squid out. She had to go to the hospital when she felt severe pain and several “small, squirming” creepy crawlies in her mouth. Doctors found that the squid had left “twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms” in the mucous membranes of her tongue and cheek. Indeed, the woman’s mouth had been essentially inseminated.

Well I am glad the unidentified women was able to draw on knowledge gleamed from  past dates and spit it out. I think this may be the one and only case where everyone is happy she didn’t swallow.  However I think for this reason she has chosen to keep her name out of the news, if word got around she was a habitual spitter… well we all know what would happen. Turns out thought  that it’s not the first time a squid has tried to fertilize a human mouth. There have been several incidents in Japan where people have complained of oral stings by their food. It seems that the tsunami when it washed that village out into sea it took with it someone’s maxim and porno magazine stash and the squid were all over it.

What have we learned today MrMary?

As much as we all like it raw, and we do, when consuming raw squid, diners should remove their internal organs, or boil the tasty treat long enough to kill its sperm bags. Personally this is why I wear really tight underwear and sit on my apartment radiator. That way if I am ever in the position to inseminate a Korean Woman’s mouth, while she may feel a prick and maybe some slight pain, she doesnt have to worry about becoming pregnant or buy those home pregnancy test.

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