An Old Lady w/Gout Feels me Up makes America Better

You’ve been using all those bullshit artificial sweeteners out there that  you’ve forgotten the taste of real honey

I opened the door for an old lady at Dunkin Donuts today with the goal of  getting an giant sized  ice caramel latte – Yeah it’s part of my pre-sex ritual.  She says thank you and she rubs my right forearm, I didn’t think anything of it at the time.  I figure she is very physical in her “Thank You’s“.

We start talking , and she is very pleasant. The conversation steers towards the more the new promotional Southwest Burrito with bits of steak. She tells me that she would love to try it but she has gout – the disease of kings of those who can afford to indulge in the all meat diet, sorta like  Vegas Prostitutes but different. (What happens in Vegas, comes up in the free clinic)

 I get my drink before her order and sit down for a second, I see her coming and i move a wayward chair to help her out. She tell me how sweet I am and in a very awkward ways feels up my arm and grabs and squeezes my chest. I’ve been in catholic school for 14 years, I made that move and the stop short walking in double file on down the stairs my own. I don’t say anything , jsut smile and continue on my way, ya know why ?


While the rest of America is sending their older parents and grandparents out to some farm/pasture or old folks home to be mistreated before they die, I offer myself to the old women of this great nation to be felt up for being a Good Samaritan. I would like to through some women my age  then that would be doing my manly duty which in cases of long weekends trumps my national one. Happy old ladies, means more cookies for other family members, it means more salamis getting send to the boys in the Army, or more b-day cards with dollars in it and candies wrapped in napkins.

There is talk of robots replacing whores  in Amsterdam but seriously who would want that ? Have we forgotten the taste of real honey? We kill people with drones from far away but what  about the 3 things every warrior knows is best in life:

  1. To crush your enemies 

  2. See them driven before you 

  3. and to hear the lamentation of their women!

We need to go back to a time where we weren’t afraid to get out hands dirty and get right into the thick of things, of course I lead by example  and don’t bone robots, those some of the girls I have been have been cold callous and unresponsive to human contact.

Can Ya Dig It ?!?!?!


3 thoughts on “An Old Lady w/Gout Feels me Up makes America Better

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