Testosterone, It’s a Hell of a Drug

When my lady was pregnant I asked some older friends and acquaintances of mine which would be ‘easier’ to have first a boy or a girl. These are the type of questions where the answers don’t matter, you just want to hear someone else talking for a bit to quiet down for a moment the noise in your head, the endless questions, do we have enough money for this kid, am I going to have to get another job, does this mean I have to stop walking naked around the house, am I gonna have to drug myself up to watch that kiddie TV show/movie bullshit etc.

One of my female friends told me girls are easier  earlier on . When I asked why she said girls don’t climb bookcases and try to swing off the curtains like Tarzan. Then that is when it hit me testosterone is a hell of drug.  Developmentally as a life science major I remember  there being a point in fetal development where the male and female fetus look exactly the same. Then  babies destined to be either male or for a time part of the East German Olympic female swim team the hormone testosterone is produced and then the craziness ensues. I thought I would start a series where I highlight dumb shit done on a testosterone high. of course its only right that I start with one of my experiences. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Initially I was going to show you medical pictures of female body builder clitori (what’s the plural of clitorus ?)  but this is much better and less gross.

The Triumphant Return to the Gym

I was healthier moving around and not getting laid, so I figure let me go to the gym. There was finally a Bally’s close by where there was no gun shots, and it was finally a safe trip to walk there. My first day there I decided to do a simple exercise, the lat pulldown. When I was back in my old gym me and my crew ran that shit. Me and my homey D were in the 500 club, 500+ for bench press, squat, and dead lift. We had anywhere of 5-7 other dudes rolling with us. We were a terror. So now, the glory days were over and I was a small fish in a pond which is fine. I asked this sorta big looking dude, if I can work in with him and he was a dick. He said yeah sure if you can. He felt because he worked out often and  had some weight on him he was a tough guy. So he went first and whatever weight he did, I did I was a machine the adrenaline kicked in. I said to myself I would rather die than do less than this dude. Afterwards he said “nice man”  and I said yeah its my first day back after 5 years (which put this dude in his place).

Unfortunately I continued working out for 45 minutes more like I had rediscovered the fountain of youth. I went real heavy  and as a result two days later I couldn’t move my arms. I couldn’t extend my arms. They were dosed in Bengay and even still I could move them well. Of course I program and type a large part of my day at work. I ended up not doing much of anything for bout a good 5 days. My sister kept making fun of me and my T-Rex arms and of course would ask me to pass her things  she knew I couldn’t reach – the bastard.

Stay tuned for the next story 🙂



  1. Wow, great story. I’ve done that before and it involved couples night boot camp work out with my wife a few weeks ago. I used abdominal muscles I didn’t realize existed, couldn’t sleep for 5 days and had trouble wiping my ass and picking my nose. I just started going back to the gym after about 15 years and I have a post hitting tomorrow morning I think you will like.


      • I thought you would enjoy it. I just started last week. I’m doing more cardio right now, but starting weights tomorrow. I have to ease in to it and remember that I’m not 20 anymore.


      • I started out at 250 and then dropped to 240. Ive stayed there but with a combo of cardio and weight lifting I have managed to stay there and reduced my percent body fat. I am gonna start the heavy lifting again soon should be fun again


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