Before in another post I described from a journal of mine what depression felt like. I quote from the plaque on the Gates of Hell in Dante’s Inferno:
Through me you go to the grief wracked city; Through me you go to everlasting pain; Through me you go a pass among lost souls. Justice inspired my exalted Creator: I am a creature of the Holiest Power, of Wisdom in the Highest and of Primal Love. Nothing till I was made was made, only eternal beings. And I endure eternally. Abandon all hope — Ye Who Enter Here
I promised to give you all a description from the other side of the fence. This was next to impossible to do because when I am on like that the thinking faculties don’t work the same. I knew what it felt like but it was a bit tough to put into, so like any good American I out sourced it to my faithful friend, MsSexyTime. I interviewed her a few weeks ago in my celebration of women.
MrMary-ly : Do you think you can describe what it’s like when I go nuts
MsSexyTime: You’re like an earthquake actually no your more like a tornado… yeah, because you see it start to come in your direction then before you know it your sucked into the madness and you can’t stop it unless you run the other direction to avoid it and you’ll chase them because you don’t understand the level or the intensity of your silliness
MrMary-ly: oh ok
MsSexyTime: It’s like a no holds barred nothing is safe You can say (MrMary’s real Name) stop but that’ll just encourage you. It’s like you become this unstoppable energy you’re either screaming or yelling then singing
MrMary-ly: what do you mean no holds barred?
MsSexyTime: You’re annoyingly loud then making jokes but not just any jokes just cut throat jokes and only you find it funny then you have the booming crazy laughter
MrMary: like what kinda jokes
MsSexyTime: just really low blow shit it varies jokes like when ur normal u wouldn’t’ really say becasue u know that would hurt feelings, it’s cut deep, but when your on the energy rush, it doesn’t matter they are the jokes about anyone ….who ever ur out with
MrMary: really ? I cant tell when its going like that. Everything seems like a blur like its moving superbly fast
MsSexyTime: thats why we just let u be, and then u would get upset because no one would join in because u come across like obnoxious high energy asshole dropping f-bombs left and right or ur running around the house laughing and singing being silly then in like a matter of secs you just drop poof everything stops and all of sudden ur quiet
MrMary: I see OK how am I when I’m normal is it very different
MsSexyTime: Honestly I dunno because you bounce off of those two that I would say your normal state is i just a slightly more animated from ur quiet depressive one
MrMary: What is it like when I am down
MsSexyTime: It’s pretty bad. It’ s hard to be around because when I’m feel down something can cheer me up or change my mood for you, you can stay like that for days on end and nothing will make it budge or move.